Revis, the Knight

A promise was made, and now it has been kept…

As some of you have noticed, Revis has being going around recently proudly proclaiming his First Knight status for The Matticus Kingdom.  This is no idle title, and the story of how he came upon such a moniker of strength and honor is no minor tale.  In the long history of The Kingdom we have only bestowed knighthood upon one deserving person.  Only one has earned it.

Some time ago, in a period of prosperity, when everything and everyone about The Kingdom seemed to be thriving, a small strain of a dangerous bacteria escaped from one of science laboratories.  The tests the lab had been conducting had been sanctioned about the ruling party and all of the safety measures had been followed.  Sometimes mistakes just happen.  That is part of life here in The Kingdom just as it is everywhere else.

One person contracted the disease.  It increased their stamina, agility, and strength, as the scientists had hoped and had seen in the rats they had tested up to that point.  However, unlike the rats, the human’s intelligence plummeted, and then their appetite vanished, and they wasted away in a matter of days.  We held a public funeral, hosted by the ruling party, in honor of the fallen victim.  He had died tragically in the pursuit of a better way of life.

That should have been the end of it.

Unfortunately, his body disappeared when it was being transported to the cemetery for the graveside service.  As the search of the body started, strange stories began to surface of an individual, a shadow figure, roaming dark alleys and attacking unsuspecting people who came to close.

We noticed the trend too late.  The victims were admitted to the hospital for scrapes, bites and assorted other injuries but were only under observation for infection.  They weren’t be observed for increased strength, agility and stamina, let alone decreased intelligence and appetite.  It wasn’t only the tenth citizen had passed away that the medical community noticed what was going on.  But, then it was too late for them to do anything about it.

Those ten bodies vanished from the morgue… and then the numbers of people being attacked increase exponentially.  The Kingdom was forced to issue a state of emergency and we sent requests to aid to nearby sovereignties, states, territories, and blogs.

Revis Edgewater, the zombie killing rogue, answered our call.

He came to The Matticus Kingdom as swiftly as he could, met with the ruling party (yeah, the queen and me, the jester – we were a party of two at the time), quickly formulated a plan, and set to work laying traps, and killing zombies.  He seemed to be everywhere at once (his ninja skills probably assisted with that), his shotgun blaring, his sword dicing, crossbow bolts flying…  I’m pretty sure I even saw him throw a record or two just to see if it would work.  It did.  He’s just that amazing.

One by one he chopped through the scourge of The Kingdom until we were a safe place for bloggers and non-bloggers alike again.

It was then, with great pleasure, that I dubbed him First Knight of The Matticus Kingdom and told him he was welcome back any time he would like.  His duties keep him busy elsewhere though, and we understand.  We would feel wrong keeping his unique talents all to ourselves.

And now you know the story of Revis Edgewater, zombie killing rogue ninja, and First Knight of The Matticus Kingdom.  If you are a fan of The Kingdom then make sure you go show him some love, for without his quick thinking and quicker sword we surely would have been overrun by zombies long ago.

Thank you, Sir Knight.

I’m starting to get bruises

You know what happens when the world famous Zombie Killing Rogue Ninja (and First Knight of the Matticus Kingdom) tags you?

You get bruises.

Big ones.

Revis doesn’t have an “easy” setting.  He doesn’t know how to politely tap you on the shoulder and say, “Pardon me, good sir, but I do believe you are now ‘it.'”  No, no, no.  With him it’s all stealth mode, surprise attack, sword brandishing, mayhem bringing, full on ferociousness, without so much as a “How do you do.”

I was helpless to withstand that kind of onslaught…

So, I find myself “it” again…  (Oh, the horror, the horror!)

“And… here… we… go…:”

1. Post these rules.
2. Post a photo of yourself and eleven random facts about you. 
3. Answer the questions given to you in the tagger’s post. 
4. Create eleven new questions and tag new people to answer them.

5. Go to their blog/Twitter and let them know they’ve been tagged.


1. Done, done, and done.

2. Photo?  No.  Facts?  Ugh, okay…
a. My lucky number is 13.
b. I have a Manchester United jersey that has my name and #13 on it.
c. I look forward to Friday’s that happen to fall on the 13th day of the month.
d. I’m pretty sure I’ve only seen the first of the Friday the 13th series of movies.
e. I got married on the … 18th day of the month.  (You thought I was going to say 13th, didn’t you?  Silly, silly.)
f. The little prince was born on the ….25th day of the month.  (Fooled you again!  Neener, neener, neener.)
g. I don’t have any other #13 stories, sorry.
h. I’ve climbed Mount Whitney 2 times.
i. I have a 35 mile (one way) commute to work.
j. I know why all the other numbers are afraid of #7.  (It’s because 7 ate 9.)
k. I like to stick with themes when answering things like this.  Had you noticed?

3. Questions from Revis and my answers.

  • What movie quote do you use the most?  Seriously?  Of all the movie quotes I use you want to know which one I use the most?  You are really asking me to go through them all and choose one?  I ….  I don’t think I can do that.  But, I’ll do this for you instead:  When camping or backpacking I use, “That’s not a knife,” from Crocodile Dundee the most.  When talking to my brother I use “It’s possible, pig,” from Princess Bride the most.  When trying to make sense of this world I use, “Deserves got nothing to do with it,” from Unforgiven the most.  When just being my silly Jester self I use, “May the Schwartz be with you,” from Spaceballs the most.  When I don’t know the answer to a question I use, “Who knows such things, only the Oracle,” from the Matrix the most.  When heading off on an adventure I use, “Now bring me that horizon,” from Pirates of the Caribbean the most.  I’m going to stop there… but, you get the idea anyway.  Plus, frequent visitors to the kingdom should already be familiar with my Friday Q and A movie quoting madness…
  • Will you go visit MissFourEyes and ask her about her bowel movements for me?  Done.  But I have no idea why.
  • Did you actually read all of my answers up there?  Um…. no.
  • Did you actually learn anything about me from them?  Yes.
  • What should I know about you that you don’t think I already know? I forgot to mention in my list of geekiness that I won a science award and competed in math tournaments in junior high…
  • If you could pick a theme song for your blog, what would it be?  Depending on the day, I’d probably want to switch between Solar Stone – Seven Cities, Crystal Method – Name of the Game, Bruce Springsteen – Blood Brothers, and Foo Fighters – Home.
  • Did you like the picture of me that I put up?  Not really.
  • What’s worse: someone loudly telling you that they farted in public, or them not telling you and the smell blindsides you?  Being blindsided is always worse.
  • Can you start giving me money so I can quit my job and blog full-time?  No.
  • I know I asked this in one of my RTotD posts, but I really want to know: Why are Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands considered international even though they’re part of the U.S.?  If we knew the answer to that question they’d have to lock us up.
  • You’re walking with a friend at a local store. Your friend starts to scratch their crotch in a very obvious manner. How do you react?  Ask, “Hey, you need a hand with that, or do you have it under control?

4. Questions for the people I’m going to gentle tap on the shoulder… I’m too beat up to do more than that anyway:

1.  If the world were being overrun by zombies, what would be your weapon of choice, and why?
2.  Would you have rather been Butch Cassidy or the Sundance Kid, and why?
3.  Which superhero movie is your least favorite, and why?
4.  What movie can bring you to tears without fail?
5.  Have you ever said, “Oh captain, my captain” to someone?
6.  If you answered “yes” to #5, why did you do it?  If you answered “no” to #5, do you at least know the reference?
7.  If you answered “no” to #5 and “no” to #6, what is your favorite Robin Williams movie?  Otherwise, what is your favorite Mel Brooks movie?
8.  If you gave your favorite Mel Brooks movie in answer to #7, what is your favorite Robin Williams movie?  If you gave your favorite Robin Williams movie in answer to #7, what is your favorite Mel Brooks movie?
9.  Did you see what I just did there?
10.  If you were stranded on a desert island, with a movie player and a big screen TV, and you could only have one movie from each of the following genres, which ones would you want with you?  Drama?  Western?  Comedy?  Action?  Thriller?
11.  Have many of these questions had nothing to do with movies?

5.  I will accomplish this task through the magic of pingbacks.  Look out, you’ve been tagged!

These first three I’m tagging because they tagged Revis, who in turn inflicted this pain on me, so I’m holding them responsible:

Miss Four Eyes

The rest I’m tagging because they are awesome and I want to see their answers to my silly questions (Okay, okay, Twindaddy, Alice, and Miss Four Eyes are all awesome too, and I want to know their answers too, but I wanted to point out that all of this is their fault.  So feel free to blame them as well in your posts.):

AR Neal