it’s Val about Q and A

After last week’s John Candy tribute, I decided to continue on the theme of sticking with one actor for the whole series of Q and A.  We all can agree that Johnny Depp is a truly talented character actor… but, this post has nothing to do with him.  Instead, we are going to dive into the memorable quotes from another amazing actor…

He’s played a Saint, he’s played a Spartan, he’s played an Iceman, he’s played a Doc…  the entire spectrum of the human experience is within his ability to capture and portray.  Agree?  Disagree?

That’s entirely up to you, but if you have no idea what’s going on, you should probably start here.

Over the years I’ve incorporated a mind-blowing amount (“infinity times infinity”) of movie dialogue into my day-to-day lingo.  This week’s theme, as already discussed, is all about Val Kilmer’s roles.

Q: What do you say to someone who keeps calling you saying they need your help when it always ends up being something they could have figured out for themselves?
A: “The Batsignal is not a beeper.”
– Batman – Batman Forever

Q: What do you say when you are asked why you are with your significant other?
A: “For me the sun rises and sets with her, man.”
– Chris Shiherlis – Heat

Q: What do you say to someone who won’t shut up and has proved their incompetence over and over?
A: “I don’t think you’d know where to put food at, if you didn’t flap your mouth so much. Yes I think you’re stupid.”
– Perry – Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Q: What do you say when someone asks who you are?
A: “Nobody has a clue. Least of all me.”
-Simon Templar – The Saint

Q: What do you say when someone asks for your help (and truly needs it)?
A: “Give me a sword, I’ll win this war for you.”
– Madmartigan – Willow

Q: What do you offer someone who isn’t feeling all that well?
A: “Want some more dope? Want a Dr. Pepper?”
– Scott – Spartan

Q: What do you tell a friend you trust completely?
A: “You can be my wingman any time.”
– Iceman – Top Gun

Q: What do you say to someone dressed a bit unusually but who is managing to “pull it off?”
A: “Sir, let me take this moment to compliment you on your fashion sense, particularly your slippers.”
– Chris Knight – Real Genius

Q: What should you say when someone asks why you do what you do?
A: “Darling… you know how God invented liquor so the Irish wouldn’t rule the world. Well, I think he may have invented being stubborn so we can be the best at something.”
– John Patterson – The Ghost and the Darkness

Q: What do you say to someone about to do something supremely foolhardy?
A: “In pace requiescat.”
-Doc Holiday – Tombstone

How many of these have you seen?  What is your favorite Val Kilmer role?  Do you agree is just as great a character actor as Johnny Depp?


I think there may be something wrong with me.  Do I have any words that are my own?  It’s a bit disconcerting that I pull so much from movies.  I am constantly afraid that when I’m doing some writing on one of my work’s in process that I’m just plagiarizing the crap out of  something I’ve seen or read before.  Anyway, I hope some of you respond with your thoughts on Kilmer vs. Depp.  And never forget, here there be monsters, gunslingers, fighter pilots, detectives, and, as always, silliness.  Thanks for playing along.

The Neverending Q and A

"Oh no she didn't!"  *snap, snap, snap*

Tsk, tsk, I haven’t even gotten on to any themes yet!  Soon there will be superhero movie Q and A’s, and western movie Q and A’s, and baseball movie Q and A’s, and…  Well, you get the point, because you’ve already been following the madness here, and here, and here, and here.  Once I’ve completely exhausted movies, I can just pick up a few books and send the series that way.  Once I’m done with books I can listen to a few more albums and send the series that way.  By then I’ll have watched a whole new slew of movies to have pulled dialogue from and the cycle will being again.


Now, where are my sharks with the laser beams attached to their heads?
(Dr. Evil, Austin Powers, as if you didn’t already know.)

Over the years I’ve incorporated an abundance of film dialogue into my day to day lingo.  The following is a useful guide parody I’ve put together of situations you may find yourself in and the some (in)appropriate and/or completely silly responses.

You probably shouldn’t ever use most of these.*  However, I’ve used many of them and the rest I’m just waiting for the perfect opportunity.

Q: (This one should be pretty obvious) What do you say when someone asks how long you are going to be able to carry on with a particular endeavor?
A: “For-ev-ver! For-ev-ver! For-ev-ver! For-ev-ver!”
– Squints (Chauncey Leopardi) – Sandlot

Q: What do you say when someone asks what you think about a touchy subject?
A: “There’s no right, there’s no wrong, there’s only popular opinion.”
– Jeffery Goines (Brad Pitt) – Twelve Monkeys

Q: What do you say when you see something naming something ridiculous – their lawnmower for example?
A: “Men get such hardons from putting their names on things. You guys don’t grow up. It’s like you need to pee on everything.”
– Natalie Keener (Anna Kendrick) – Up in the Air

Q: What do you say when you need to give yourself a timeout?
A: “Excuse me. I think I had better be where other people are not.”
– Charles (Hugh Grant) – Four Weddings and a Funeral

Q: What do you say when someone says that something about you seems different?
A: “I’m wearing new shoes.”
– Dave (Jay Baruchel) – Sorcerer’s Apprentice

Q: What do you say when you are doing something you know you shouldn’t be but it still feels so right?
A: “I am a baaaad man.”
– Mephis (Nicolas Cage) – Gone in Sixty Seconds

Q: What do you say when someone says they are down on their luck?
A: “Never give up and good luck will find you.”
– Falcor (Alan Oppenheimer) – The Neverending Story

Q: What do you say when someone says they can’t beleive what they just witnessed?
A: “You just saw three monkeys go by on a motorcycle, didn’t you?”
– Sarah Whittle (Bonnie Hunt) – Jumanji

Q: What do you say when someone asks why you do something, especially if they know it is something you don’t enjoy doing?
A: “Because I’ve got a gift.”
– Charles Remington (Michael Douglas) – The Ghost and the Darkness

Q: What do you say when someone attempts something they shouldn’t have and it didn’t work out well for them?
A: “You wanted to go through the looking glass. How was it? Was it more fun than miniature golf?”
– Scott (Val Kilmer) – Spartan


*The Matticus Kingdom published this list for entertainment purposes only.  We do not dispense with advice we think people should ever heed and cannot be held responsible for any resulting slaps across the face, puzzled looks, loss of friends, tarnished reputation, improved reputation for that matter, closets that were once skeleton free no longer being so, or other unpleasantness that may result from following these guidelines.  Proceed at your own risk, here there be monsters.  Don’t try this at home kids.  Insert additional typical “hold harmless” verbiage here.  Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bunch of movie quotes.  The quotes blew their minds and that’s all she wrote.  Yes, these weekly posts may just last “for-ev-ver.”