search term silliness

It has finally happened!  I’ve gotten enough off the wall search terms collected to get them into a post to share with all of you.  That’s not just awesome, that’s awesomesauceh.

On with the silliness:

You searched: “what is being struck with cupids arrow

Love.  Or, lust, I guess.  And perhaps a trip to the emergency room.  It all kind of depends on what cupid looks like and what the arrow is made of.

Executive Search Dating

You searched: “what does it mean to be called “matticus”?

Seriously?  That is just the most awesomesauceh search ever!  Am I right?  Why am I asking you?  I know I’m right!  To be called Matticus means you are silly, and a jester (which isn’t the same thing as being silly) and passionate, and a good guy who doesn’t always finish last, and a writer, and a friend.  You exude calm and patience, love and understanding.  You are a shoulder to cry on.  You are the first to jump to defend those in need.  Being called “Matticus” means you are a pretty swell guy, if I do say so myself.

You searched: “pilot brother birthday message

Well, you came to the right place.  I just so happen to have two posts that cover that very thing, right here and here.

You searched: “softly fades the light of day

Aw, isn’t that nice.  Well, unless you were hoping that my blog would just fade away, that’s less nice.  I’m guessing this took you one of my sunset or sunrise posts, which is good, because I think those are all pretty fantastic.  Though, this line is actually from a Boy Scout song:  “Softly fades the light of day, as our campfire fades away.  Silently each scout must ask, have I done my daily task?  Have I kept my honor bright?  Can I guiltless sleep tonight?  Have I done and have I dared, everything to be prepared?”

Wow.  I didn’t Google that, so it could be slightly off, but I’m impressed with how much of that I remember.  *pats self on back*  Go me.  We used to sing that song at camp at the end of our campfire programs at the beginning and ends of the weeks we spent there.  Good.  Times.  Not joking.

You searched: “meg ryan my ass is twitching

Well, that’s fascinating and all, but why do you think Meg Ryan would care?  To each their own, I guess.  However, I’m guessing your search was really for this post, but the quote is actually from Kevin Kline…  Maybe that’s close enough.  I won’t judge you.

It's hard to top Meg Ryan's performance in this scene but these ladies gave it a shot. Picture: Supplied

You searched: “coconut milk is a natural laxative tom hanks”

That’s good to know.  I think.  Maybe…?  I guess it could be useful information should I ever find myself cast away.  Though, again, I find your search curious.  Are you telling Tom Hanks?  He already knows.  He’s the one who informed the rest of us in the first place.

You searched: “why does robin williams say its not your fault

Robin Williams is insane, in a good way.  Who knows why he says anything?  That being said, I’m fairly certain what you were looking for could be found right here, partially.  For the rest of the answer you are going to have to watch Good Will Hunting.

You searched: “your life is a echo

you-talkin-to-me

Tred carefully.  That sounds like an insult… and we don’t take too kindly to those around here.  Are you saying I’m not original?  Are you saying I’m just a fading copy of a copy of a copy of a copy?  That seems harsh.  What have you done recently?

Jerk.

Q (Forrest) and A (Gump)

This week’s theme is fairly evident, if you haven’t figured it out just based on the post title, it’s all quotes from Forrest Gump.  This series was thrown together based on a request from Merry aka Marlene.

Do you have a movie you’d like me include in these Q and A sessions?  Or a theme?  Or a specific actor?  Let me know in the comments and I’ll see what I can put together for you.

(All previous Q and A iterations are here.)

As a reminder:  The Q’s are life situations you may find yourself in, and the A’s are the corresponding quotes from movies that you could considering using in those situations if you were mad like me.  But, I am a professional Jester, so take that into consideration before trying them on your own.

Q: What should you say when you find yourself in a scary situation?
A: “Dear God, make me a bird. So I could fly far. Far far away from here.”
– Young Jenny Curran (Hanna Hall)

Q: What should you say when someone asks what your purpose is?
A: “To do whatever you tell me, drill sergeant!”
– Forrest Gump (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you say when your wife asks you to mow the lawn?
A: “And cause I was a gazillionaire, and I liked doin it so much, I cut that grass for free.”
– Forrest Gump (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you say when you to the public pool?
A: “I’m here to try out my sea legs.”
– Lieutenant Daniel Taylor (Gary Sinise)

Q: What should you say when someone asks why you don’t have a car?
A: “Now you wouldn’t believe me if I told you, but I could run like the wind blows.”
– Forrest Gump (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you say when you hear about a bad person getting away with an evil deed?
A: “Sometimes, I guess there just aren’t enough rocks.”
– Forrest Gump (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you say when you don’t want to talk about something?
A: “That’s all I have to say about that.”
– Forrest Gump (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you say just before it is your turn to pick up the next round at the bar?
A: “I’m pretty tired… I think I’ll go home now.”
– Forrest Gump (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you say to the various religious groups that come knocking on your front door?
A: “You can’t keep trying to rescue me all the time.”
– Jenny Curran (Robin Wright)

Q: What should you say to your sweetheart when she asks why you are always so good to her?
A: “You’re my girl!”
– Forrest Gump (Tom Hanks)

………

I could watch this movie every day and I would never tire of it.  I find that is true of most Tom Hanks films.  And you?  Did you love this one or find it too cheesy, too over the top, too in your face?  I use several of these quotes on a weekly basis, I bet you can guess which one I use the most.  Here there be fast running, shrimping, love, rebellion, war, and life which may or may not be a monster.  Thanks for playing along.

Cast Q and A Away

(All previous Q and A can be found here. Well, the ones I’ve done anyway.  There is a whole slew of Q and A out there that is completely unrelated to me.)

Continuing on from last week, focusing on just one film, we are going to do that again this week.  Mostly because I’m lazy and want to save myself the 30 seconds or so it would take to type up the name of the ten different films I might otherwise include… 30 seconds I have already wasted typing this up…  Hmm…  Oh well.

As you may have noticed, I’ve incorporated a “small amount” of movie dialogue into my day-to-day lingo.  Today we are going to see what I’ve learned and used from “Cast Away.”

Q: What should you say when you come back from the grocery store with nothing from your list but several cartons of ice cream instead?
A: “I had power over nothing.”
– Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

Q: What does Matticus say every single time he starts a fire (camp fire, barbecuing fire, fire in the fireplace, fire for the range, wild fires, etc…)?
A: “Look what I’ve created. I have made FIRE.”
– Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you say when someone asks how you turned your life around?
A: “And one day my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail.”
– Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you say when someone tells you they are going to be a few minutes late?
A: “First thing it’s two minutes, then four, then six, then the next thing you know, we’re the U.S. mail.”
– Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you say when someone tells you they like to drink coconut milk?
A: “Coconut milk is a natural laxative. That’s something Gilligan never told us.”
– Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you say when you are embarking on a journey and you know all your worthless friends are going to sit around and drink so you have to do all the work?
A: “Don’t worry Wilson, I’ll do all the paddling.”
– Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you say whenever you are flying on December 24th?
A: “Hey, is all this turbulence from Santa and those eight tiny reindeer?”
– Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you never ever ever ever ever say?
A: “I’ll be right back.”
– Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you say when someone tells you something is going to be a few days delayed in getting done?
A: “87 hours is an eternity. The cosmos was created in less time.”
– Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you say when you are trying to be hopeful about anything and everything?
A: “We might just make it. Did that thought ever cross your brain?”
– Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

………

I’m sure you all noticed, because you are the best readers out there, but every quote was Tom Hank’s character.  If you’ve seen the movie, you know why.  If you haven’t seen the movie, well, you can still probably guess why.  Here there be deserted islands, plane crashes, loneliness, despair, hope, perhaps hope more than than the rest, and monsters of the volleyball brain eating variety.  Thanks for playing along.

Q and A Parody Madness, on the rocks

I’m being overrun by madness herehereherehere, …

Over the years I’ve incorporated an abundance of film dialogue into my day to day lingo.  The following is a useful guide parody I’ve put together of situations you may find yourself in and the some (in)appropriate and/or completely silly responses.

You probably shouldn’t ever use most of these.*  However, I’ve used many of them and the rest I’m just waiting for the perfect opportunity.

Q: What do you say when someone says they hurt themselves?
A: “Let me take your mind off the pain.”  (At this point I really, really, really don’t recommend breaking their finger.  Don’t do it.)
– Maj. Benson Payne (Damon Wayans) – Major Payne

Q: What do you say when someone asks a really good question?
A: “That, is the right question.”
– Dr. Alfred Lanning (James Cromwell) – I, Robot

Q: What do you say when someone asks how you got so good at what you do?
A: “I was trained by the best. British intelligence. But in retrospect I would rather have been a poet. Or a farmer.”
– John Mason (Sean Connery) – The Rock

Q: What do you say when you see mob mentality starting to overrun humanity?
A: “That’s a lot of cows.”
– Hatcher (Christopher Walken) – The Rundown

Q: What do you say when someone says they are too scared to do something?
A: “That’s why no-one will remember your name.”  (You could also just yell “Hector” a whole bunch of times.  That would work too.)
– Achilles (Brad Pitt) – Troy

Q: What do you say if someone asks if you want to go out dancing?
A: “Computer, define dancing’.”
– Captain (Jeff Garlin) – Wall-E

Q: What do you say when someone is talking to you and getting on your very last nerve?
A: “I don’t know what it is about you, but the more you talk, the more you give me the willies.”
– Frank James (Sam Shepard) – The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

Q: What do you say when someone asks how much longer you are going to carry on with an activity, if you have a limit?
A: “I guess I just haven’t reached mine yet.”
– The Punisher (Dolph Lundgren) – The Punisher

Q: What do you say when you run into someone you haven’t seen in a long time?
A: “Carl? Carl! Merry Christmas! How is it we’re always talking on Christmas, Carl? Every Christmas, I’m talking to you!”
Frank Abagnale, Jr. (Leonardo DiCaprio) – Catch Me if You Can

Q: What do you say when you find yourself lost and going in circles while in the car?
A: “Hey look kids, there’s Big Ben, and there’s Parliament… again.”
– Clark Griswald (Chevy Chase) – National Lampoon’s European Vacation

…..

*The Matticus Kingdom published this list for entertainment purposes only.  We do not dispense with advice we think people should ever heed and cannot be held responsible for any resulting slaps across the face, puzzled looks, loss of friends, tarnished reputation, improved reputation for that matter, closets that were once skeleton free no longer being so, or other unpleasantness that may result from following these guidelines.  Proceed at your own risk, here there be monsters.  Don’t try this at home kids.  Insert additional typical “hold harmless” verbiage here.