Revis and Matticus Save the Kingdom Chapter 31

After the initial shock wore off, Matticus was immediately confused by Goldfish’s presence before him. “You’re a mermaid,” he stated. “How are you floating?”

“You aren’t the only people who have travelled through the portals. I went through one and found a group of other mermaids. They were able to float as if they were underwater, even though there were times when it seemed like they weren’t underwater. They called themselves ‘Bubble Guppies’.”

From out of nowhere, Steph appeared. “You’ve been to the Bubble Guppy world?”

Unsure of how to react to this sudden appearance, Goldfish hesitantly answered, “Yeah.”

“Where’s the portal?”

Goldfish pointed to a doorway off to the side of the room. Without a word, Steph walked over to the door and stepped through. Goldfish looked at Revis. Her expression showed that she wanted an explanation, but all he could do was shrug.

Suddenly, from the doorway, they heard a loud crashing sound. It was soon followed by the sounds of screaming. The screams were horrible, lasting for several minutes. All the three of them could do was try to cover their ears from the noise. When it was finally over, they all sighed in relief.

A minute later, Steph emerged from the portal, carrying a pole with a giant orange fish head speared through it. “They deserved that,” she explained, disappearing again as quickly as she came.

Matticus looked at the other two people and asked, “What the hell was that about?”

“Well…” Revis stalled.

Matticus raised his eyebrows demanding further explanation.  He flicked his eyes briefly to make sure Goldfish wasn’t going to attack them but she seemed just as interested in the knight’s answer.

After a minute of thought, Revis shrugged his shoulders again, “It’s Steph’s story to tell, not mine.  You’ll have to ask her.”

The Jester scowled and Goldfish rolled her eyes.  The tension in the room seemed to lift for a moment as the three of them eyed each other and considered laughing at what had just happened.

Before any of them ventured a chuckle, Matticus turned back to the sorceress, “Wait, if that was a mermaid that Steph just killed, well, more than one based on all that screaming, aren’t they somehow related to you?  Even if they are from a different world, they are still kin to you somehow, right?”

“What’s your point?”  She responded dryly.

“Aren’t you upset about it?”

Revis shot Matticus a look that was full of daggers, wondering why the Jester would be trying to get the sorceress riled up again, and Matticus ignored him.  He had a plan and getting her angry was the first step.

“Not really.  Sure we are, were, sort of related, but their graphic design was terrible.”

Off to the side, Jaded began to stir. “Ow,” she groaned as she started to rise. Setting her glare at Revis, she complained, “How many times do I have to kill you?”

With a mock bow, Revis replied, “My dear Jaded, you’ve been begging to get shanked for a while now. I’m just happy I was able to help you accomplish that goal.”

Jaded’s eyes narrowed in anger. Shrugging, Revis disappeared again. Turning, Jaded looked to Goldfish for help. Before she could actually ask, an invisible fist slammed into her temple. Once again, she was unconscious. His work done, Revis dropped his invisibility.

“You do know that she’s only did all this because I told her to, right,” Goldfish queried.

“People’s motives don’t concern me,” Revis answered. “If you threaten my family, I’m not going to stop and ask why. I’m going to do what I have to do to neutralize the threat.”

“So,” Matticus interrupted, “why didn’t you stay invisible and attack Goldfish?”

“Because she can see me while I’m invisible,” the Knight explained, giving the sorceress a slight nod.

“Well, that’s a convenient plot twist and highly annoying,” Matticus mumbled.  The Jester was going to say a few other things under his breath, but then latched on to what Goldfish had just said.  “Why were you using Jaded to overtake the Kingdom with sparkly vampires?  Why are you attacking me?”

“You aren’t a vampire,” Matticus continued before Goldfish could respond.  “Were you just using them as a tool to gain more power and eventually take over the kingdom for yourself?  Was this all just some diversion?  A game because you decided you were bored and wanted to spice things up?  What were you hoping to achieve?  What could possibly be worth the loss of life you set into motion?”

“Well,” Goldfish started to respond, shifting uncomfortably from her spot by the throne before being cut off by Matticus.

“You think it is easy ruling a kingdom?  Did you have a problem with some of my decisions?  Did you think you could do a better job?”

“Well,” Goldfish started again, and Matticus cut her off again.

“What reason could you possibly have that makes all this worthwhile?  There isn’t one.  There is nothing you can say to absolve you of everything that has lead to here.  There is nothing that can wipe this stain from your hands… um, fins?  Wait, I’m confused again.”

Goldfish’s eyes narrowed as she glared at the Jester.  Matticus turned expectantly to Revis and raised his arms in the universal “well, aren’t you going to do something gesture.”  When Revis shrugged his shoulders, Matticus rolled his eyes, “I was distracting her so you could attack her…”

This time, it was Revis who rolled his eyes. “That was your plan?”

“Yeah…”

“That was the stupidest plan I’ve ever heard.”

“Stupid?! It was working until you botched the timing of it.”

“Working? Really? You think it was working,” the Knight asked him. Turning to Goldfish, he questioned, “Did that distract you at all? Was his ‘plan’ working?”

Goldfish, not wanting to feel left out, rolled her eyes, as well. “This is the stupidest good guy/bad guy showdown ever. Seriously. Nothing is being accomplished right now.”

Both men just stared at her, waiting for her to actually answer the question. When she didn’t, Revis continued, “See? It didn’t distract her.”

“She didn’t say that,” Matticus argued. “She said…”

Before he could finish his sentence, Revis shoved him. It knocked him a number of step backwards, but the Jester was able to keep his feet. A look of rage crossed his face. “Shove me again and I’ll stick my sword up your…”

Quickly closing the gap, Matticus shoved Revis back. The Knight fell back, but rolled with the push and came up on his feet. He drew his other dagger and took a step towards the Jester.  A smile started playing across Goldfish’s face. It lasted only long enough for her to see Revis throw his dagger at her, with Matticus leaping after it.

The sorceress, trusting in her magic to deflect the thrown weapon, concentrated solely on the sword brandishing Jester.  As the dagger hit her barrier spell and spun around her to clank noisily against the throne, she began to mouth the words of the spell that would put an end to Matticus.  The magic flowed through her and she unleashed it from the tips of her outstretched arms.

Goldfish watched as the curse danced along the air, buzzing with power and death.  She felt as elated watching the proof of another successful spell as she had after her first spell.  The joy of getting to see, hear, and feel the magic working through her had never dimmed over the years.

Her eyes grew wide in expectation as the curse neared her attacker.  But, the Jester brought his flaming sword down just as the spell was about to reach him.  The flames on his sword burned a brilliant blue as they struck her curse and she was forced to look away.  A sizzling sound ripped at her ears and she screamed in pain.

Matticus, unaware that Goldfish had thrown a deadly curse at him, clung desperately to his sword as it vibrated in his hands.  His forward momentum had been halted mid-leap, and he hung suspended in air.  With a loud clap he was thrown backwards across the room and then everything went dark.

 

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Revis and Matticus Save the Kingdom Chapter 27

They ran through the forest for nearly an hour before finally stopping for a break. Matticus slumped against a tree, trying to catch his breath. Revis knelt down, his gaze on the ground. Suddenly, the Knight cried out and began punching the forest floor.

Matticus looked at Revis in confusion. “Did the vampires figure out a way to make the ground sparkly?”

After shooting the Jester a look that said that the sarcasm was not appreciated, Revis responded, “I hate having to leave them like that.”

“Then why did we? We could’ve stayed and helped them fight those bastards off.”

“Steph was right. We needed to go. What would happen to the Kingdom if one, or both, of us died while trying to protect those people? ”

Matticus gave a slight nod, conceding the point. Although, he hated it as much as his Knight did. “What now,” he asked.

“It’ll take much too long to walk to Long Beach,” Revis sighed, digging around in his pack.

After a few seconds, he pulled out a jar of black ink. Looking around, he found the largest tree he could see. He took a paintbrush out and dipped it into the ink. Revis quickly used the brush to draw an outline of a door, knob included. The Knight reached to grab the doorknob.

Matticus was about to tell his Knight how crazy he was acting, but to his surprise, Revis was able to grab the knob and turn it. The door swung open revealing the swirling colors of the roads of magic where there should have only been the inner rings of the tree.

“Another leap of faith,” Matticus muttered as he let his face go slack jawed in surprise, mimicking the expression he knew his Knight wanted to see.  Shaking his head in disbelief he let his gaze slide from the tree to the jar of ink to Revis’ bag and back to the tree.

“What?”  Revis asked.

“Another portal?  Matticus replied smoothly.  “Where does it go?”

“Wherever we need it to.”

The Jester peered around the Knight to gaze into the maelstrom of colors, trying to decipher where it’s exit might be but only getting dizzy in the process.  He looked away before the compulsion to fall over grew too strong to fight and focused on his Knight’s last words to bring himself back into the present.

“Wherever we need it to.  Wherever we need it to…  Wait a minute!”  Matticus grabbed the jar of ink from Revis’ hands.  Fuming, he asked, “You’ve had this all along?  Why didn’t we use this to get to Bruges in the first place?  How many miles did we walk that we didn’t have to?”

“I haven’t had this the whole time. I picked it up when we were world hopping. Wakko gave it to me when we went to the Animaniacs universe.”

“I don’t remember going to the Animaniacs universe…”

“Well, we couldn’t fit them all into the story, so a few of the universes got left out.”

“Yeah, but if you got this new thing from it, that means it’s an important plot point. Shouldn’t we have included it?”

“If I wanted logic, I wouldn’t be talking to a jester,” Revis sighed. “Besides, it’s too late. That part of the story is already published. We can’t add it now.”

Before Matticus could respond, Revis shoved him through the portal. As the bright light from the doorway assaulted his vision, the Jester vowed to stop letting Revis shove him through portals. It was getting a little old.

When he exited out the other side, he found himself staring face-to-face with two dragons. Normally, that situation would’ve scared him to death, but, since he recognized them as Rara and Grayson, he cried out in joy. He knew that meant his family was near.

“See, I told you they were still alive,” Rara said, throwing her husband a look of triumph and smiling happily.

Matticus thought she looked like she was about to go skipping along, which was a sight he wasn’t sure he wanted to see.  While he was sure it would be awe-inspiring, it also seemed terrifying.

“Okay, you won the bet, I’ll settle up later,” Grayson grumbled.

Matticus’ expression of joy lost a touch of its luster as confusion settled in, “Wait, what?”

Before either dragon could answer, Revis popped through the portal, nearly tumbling into the Jester, and if not for Grayson’s quick reflexes to use his tail to steady them, both Jester and Knight would have gone tumbling down in a heap.  The men found their balance and the dragon withdrew his tail allowing them to stand on their own again.

Matticus glared at his knight, for nearly knocking him over and pushing him through the portal, but his mood would not be deterred, so he looked back up to Rara, “It is good to see you but I’m sure you know who I’d really like to see right now.”

“Of course, Matticus,” she replied, “shortly, but first you need to meet with Deb and Dani, so we can coordinate our overthrow of the sparkly vampires.”

The two men started following Rara as she led them to Deb and Dani. Revis was a little skeptical about their ability to help. He was the First Knight of the Kingdom, and he had never heard of them before. Matticus seemed to know them, however, so he decided to go along with it for now.

As they walked, Matticus kept peppering Rara with questions about what had happened while they had been away. She told him repeatedly that she would go over everything once their meeting had started, but he kept asking more questions anyways. Revis began wondering if Rara had infinite patience. If he was in her position, he would’ve, at the very least, threatened Matticus until he stopped asking questions.

Suddenly, Revis stopped. Matticus quit asking questions to Rara long enough to ask one to Revis. “What is it?”

“I’m about to get attacked,” he replied.

Before Matticus could ask him to clarify, something materialized out of thin air to jump at Revis. The Knight caught it in his arms and brought it close to him. That’s when Matticus realized it was Revis’ daughter. He marveled at how the little girl, who was not yet even two years old, was able to sneak up on them like that.

“How did she do that,” he wondered out loud.

“Like father, like daughter,” Rara answered with a smile. “Come. He will know everything we say whether he is with us or not.”

The Jester and two dragons continued into Long Beach where they wound their way through alleys and shadows to stay out of sight as much as possible until finally arriving at a business the Jester was unfamiliar with.  The signage proclaimed it to be a house of yards and he couldn’t come up with any conveyances where that name would make sense and so found himself longing for a beer to soothe his aching head.

Once inside he saw that the building had been abandoned and enough of the furniture had been removed to make space for Rara and Grayson to fit comfortably.  Deb and Dani rose from where they had been seated and quietly conversing.   They quickly dispatched with their pleasantries and began discussing how best to overthrow the sparkly vampires.

Hours passed quickly and as the day turned over to begin anew, they finally came to an agreement on how to proceed.  Deb and Dani slipped away to whisper into the ears of their expanded networks.  The dragons flew off on their assigned tasks, and Matticus went to spend as much time with The Queen and Little Prince as he could before the signal would tear him away from them again.

Revis and Matticus Save the Kingdom, Chapter 19

“Damn,” Revis swore.

“What,” the still slightly inebriated Twindaddy asked.

“Jaded is the one who sent us through the portal,” Matticus answered. Turning to Revis he said, “So…trap?”

“Trap,” he replied with a nod.

“Are we going in?”

“It ain’t but a few hours out.”

“Yeah, but remember the part where it’s a trap?”

Twindaddy interrupted the serenity of the moment by questioning, “Hey geniuses, why don’t you find out what’s on the other side of the portal before you go rushing in?”

“That’s a great idea,” Revis sarcastically shot back. “Why didn’t I think of that? Oh yeah, that’s right. It’s because we won’t be able to see what’s on the other side of the portal until we cross through it!”

“Why don’t you just ask Elyse?”

“Who’s Elyse?”

“She knows everything.”

“And just how long will it take us to reach this Elyse,” Matticus queried skeptically.

With an exasperated sigh, Twindaddy pointed to his computer monitor. “You see that glowing device right there? I can talk to just about anyone in the world on that thing instantaneously.”

“It can do that? I thought you said magic doesn’t work here…”

“It’s not….you know what? Never mind. Just let me handle this.”

Twindaddy sat down in front of the strange looking device and started furiously clicking away on another strange looking device that rested on the desktop between him and the glowing screen.  Revis and Matticus exchanged glances, and when his Knight shrugged his shoulders, Matticus asked, “I thought you said you could talk to anyone you wanted instantly?”

Twindaddy replied curtly, exasperated, “I am.”

After another exchange of glances with his Knight that included a raised eyebrow, Matticus replied, “You don’t appear to be talking at all.”

Twindaddy stopped typing and glared at Matticus, and then flicked his eyes to his brother, “Can you keep him quiet for two minutes so I can get this done and get you two out of my life.”

“He’s a Jester, he doesn’t know how to be quiet.”

Twindaddy sighed, shot Matticus another dagger laced glare, and then went back to working on the glowing device.

Matticus thought about egging Twindaddy on by starting to sing a song, or something else to pester the man, just to be annoying.  But, opted against it, and instead turned to Revis and whispered, “Can’t we just kill him and be done with this?  I’m sure if we stepped into the portal we could find our way back to the kingdom eventually.”

“We could,” Revis opined, “but who knows what is now waiting for us on our side of the portal? Let’s just see what this fortune teller of his says first.”

“If you two ladies are done talking about your hair,” Twindaddy interrupted, “I’ve got something here.”

“What’s wrong with my hair,” Matticus asked, confused.

Ignoring him, Twindaddy continued, “Elyse says that if you throw a Murphy’s Law at the portal, it’ll let you see what’s on the other side of it.”

“What’s a Murphy’s Law?”

“It’s a special drink made at the bar up the street.” When both Matticus and Revis shot him skeptical looks, he argued, “Read it yourselves if you don’t believe me.”

Revis looked where he was pointing, but it seemed like a bunch of gibberish to him. “Is that what it says,” came Matticus’ question.

“Yeah,” Revis answered, even though he didn’t know if it was true or not. “Let’s get to this bar.”

“Wait a minute,” Twindaddy raised his voice. “We may have been able to get away with you guys being in your armor in Drun’s world, but that won’t work here. You’ll need to put on normal clothes.”

“No,” Revis denied. “Our armor does not come off. You’ll just have to think of something else.”

With a string of curses, Twindaddy grabbed some large white cloths out of the portal closet and wrapped them around each of the men. “If anyone asks,” he said after he was done, “just say you’re Amish.”

The trio left the dwelling, and while Matticus felt obliged to warn Twindaddy that his defenses needed serious upgrades, the pace and chaos of the outside world kept him too distracted to say anything during the short trip to the bar.

There were horseless carriage contraptions that were speeding along paved roads faster than looked safe.  There were people running next to those roads, but when Matticus and Revis looked, prepared to jump into action and rescue the runners, it didn’t seem like they were being chased by anyone or anything.  The dwellings all looked soft, easily taken by a wandering band of miscreants, but there were larger buildings that reached up into the heavens that seemed to be more solidly fortified.  Though, they were all made out of glass, which didn’t make sense at all.

The minds of both the Knight and the Jester were reeling when Twindaddy pushed them into a building with a, “here we are.”  And they were instantly flooded with relief.  The bar looked like a bar, smelled like a bar, and was as familiar to them as any bar would be in their own world.  It was a welcome relief after the stress and chaos of the journey there.

“Hey Twindaddy,” Bardictale said from behind the bar where he was busily polishing glasses, “What can I get you?”

“You again,” Revis cried.

“Great,” Bardictale sighed. “It’s the snake again.”

“So, you recognize us this time?”

“Never seen you before in my life. Now order something, and pay me up front for it, or get the hell out.”

“We need a Murphy’s Law,” Twindaddy ordered, “But I need it to go.”

With a raised eyebrow, the bartender asked, “You know I’m not legally allowed to let you take alcohol out of here, right?”

“The quicker you get it to me, and let me leave with it, the quicker you’re rid of the snake.”

“Sold,” Bardictale exclaimed as he took the weird, green paper Twindaddy was holding out.

“You guys use paper as money,” Matticus queried. “That’s ridiculous.”

“It’s easier to carry than gold,” Twindaddy pointed out.

“But it’s so much more fragile. It can rip or burn.”

Before the argument could continue, Bardictale walked back over to them with a cup. “Here’s your Murphy’s Law,” the bartender grumbled. Pointing at Revis, he added, “Now get him out of my sight.”

Revis opened his mouth to offer a retort, but Twindaddy grabbed his brother and dragged him away from the counter before the Knight could let loose the series of insults he had prepared to hurl.  Matticus chuckled under his breath as the three of them left the calmness of the bar and returned to the chaos of outside, where he then cursed, and wished he’d thought to grab a drink before they’d left.

Soon enough though they had managed to return to Twindaddy’s domicile.  They quickly shuffled into the closet where Twindaddy turned on the strange light again and swung open the portal.

“Now what?”  Revis asked.

“Throw the drink through.”  Twindaddy replied with a shrug.

“That’s absurd, how is that going to tell us anything?”

“Yeah, sounds like alcohol abuse,” Matticus added, with a forlorn look towards the soon to be doomed drink.

“Are you sure you read the instructions correctly?” Revis asked.

“I showed them to you, didn’t I?”

Not wanting to admit that they couldn’t read the words of this world, Revis and Matticus shrugged.  Then the Knight grabbed the Murphy’s Law out of his brother’s hand and threw it through the portal.

Revis and Matticus save the Kingdom, Chapter 15

For the first few seconds after he went through the portal, all Revis was able to see was a bright light. When he was finally able to see something else, he found himself looking at the angry face of Matticus. “Why did you do that,” the Jester demanded. “And what took you so long in following?”

“What are you talking about,” Revis asked innocently. “I stepped through the portal right after you.”

Matticus didn’t believe that for a second, but he was so grateful that he was no longer alone that he let it go….for now.

Revis turned his attention away from his companion and began surveying their surroundings.  The walls of the small room were made of dry mud. A white door, made out of some material that he had never seen before, was the only other thing in the room. Not knowing what else to do, Revis went to inspect the door. He was wondering how he was going to open it, as it had no handle on it, when it opened by itself.

The Knight took his daggers out and looked for whoever had just opened the door. When no threat made itself apparent, Revis took a cautious step back, thinking that they were dealing with someone else who could turn invisible. As he stepped back, the door closed. An idea struck him. He stepped forward again and watched as the door opened back up.

“Is that some sort of trick?”  Matticus asked as he took a step closer to the door.  “Have you pulled something else out from your bag of wonders?”

“No, the door is opening and closing on it’s own,” Revis replied, scratching his cheek in thought.  “It must have some magical charm on it.”

Matticus looked askance at his Knight and then the door.  He didn’t like the idea of trusting sorcery in a world he wasn’t familiar with, especially when whoever probably controlled that magic was also responsible for sending the sparkly vampires into his kingdom.  “Well, we’re here, some of us for longer than others, now what do we do?”

“Come on,” Revis said as he sheathed his daggers and stepped towards the doorway to have the opening appear again, “let’s see what’s on the other side.”

With that, the Knight stepped out of the small room.  Matticus cringed as Revis crossed the threshold, fully expecting there to be a trap or for the door to close again on his companion.  When nothing happened, he quickly followed Revis through the door, with a little skip over the threshold just in case there was a trigger his Knight had been somehow lucky enough to miss the first time through.

The room they stepped into was constructed in the same manner as the one they just left. It was just bigger and had furniture, including a bed, table, and storage chest. Revis wanted to open the chest to see what was inside, but it was locked. Normally, that wouldn’t have stopped him, but this lock was unlike anything he had ever seen. Strange glowing symbols covered the lock plate. He reached out to touch one of the symbols.

“Are you crazy,” Matticus scolded. “You don’t know what will happen if you touch that.”

“That’s why I’m going to touch it: to see what will happen when I do.”

“This is a wizard’s domain. Those symbols could mean a magical trap.”

Revis was about to argue further when they heard something coming from the outside of the other door in the room. He pointed at the door they had just come from. As quickly, and quietly, as they could, they walked back through the door. Just as the door closed, they heard the other one open. A loud crash soon followed it. That’s when they heard a man yelling.

“What an idiot,” the man hollered. “Those were the droids we were looking for, you moron!”

“What’s a droid,” Matticus whispered.

His Knight ignored him and went back to listening to what was happening in the other room. He couldn’t be sure, but it sounded like the man was talking to himself.

“What’s a nerfherder?”  Matticus whispered again.

The man in the other room was ranting so loudly about something idiotic his Captain had done that there wasn’t any concern that the Jester’s whispered questions would be overheard, but Revis silenced Matticus with a glare anyway.  The jester shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes.  He knew that Revis had no idea what was going on or what their next should be either.

Though, if the man yelling in the other room was the person they were looking for, and was a magician of sorts as well, Matticus was loathe to confront him until he had settled down.  Magicians, he had learned, were volatile at the best of times, and irate ones were best to be avoided at all costs.

The Jester was, therefore, mortified as he saw Revis step towards the magic door again as the noise from the other room begin to dwindle down.  He reached out for his Knight, trying to grab hold of the man’s armor and halt his progress, but Revis eluded his grasp.

The door swept open, and the man from the other side said, “What?  Who’s there?  Show yourself or I’ll blast you!”

The threat of being blasted confirmed that the man was indeed a magician and as Revis stepped through the door, Matticus followed knowing that they were about to enter a foray they had little hope of winning.

With his hands up, trying to be as nonthreatening as possible, Revis stepped into view of the other man. It was indeed the man with shiny bone armor. In his hands, he held the most peculiar looking magic wand that Revis had ever seen. Suddenly, red fire shot out of the end of it. The fire went a foot wide of the Knight’s head and left a scorch mark on the wall behind him.

With a voice that sounded surprisingly different than the one he was using before, the man swore, “Dammit!” He began ripping his helmet off as he muttered, “The targeting system in this thing blows. No wonder my squadmates can’t hit anything.”

By the time he had finished removing the helmet, Revis had closed the distance between them and was holding his daggers at the man’s throat. “I could kill you with a twitch,” Revis threatened.

“Try it,” the man responded, showing that he had the wand held at the Knight’s stomach.

Matticus watched it all unfold as his eyes went from the smoking smudge on the wall to the wand held against his knight.  He wasn’t sure what a targeting system was, or what that had to do with the magician’s ability to perform his magic, but he knew that Revis had little hope of surviving a magical blast from that range.

At least they were at a standoff, if Revis moved the man in the bone white armor would surely unleash a devastating spell, and if the magician moved then Revis would quickly dispatch him.  That meant that Matticus was free to tip the balance back into their favor.  He just had no idea how to do it.

He considered pulling his flaming sword and using it as a distraction to draw the sorcerer’s attention and hope that Revis could break away from the wand, but the weapon was too close.  He couldn’t risk it.  He considered trying to talk the men out of their current situation but didn’t have the best track record with that sort of thing.  The seconds seemed to stretch for hours and the Jester’s mind raced from idea to idea.

“This is stupid,” he muttered as he launched himself at the pair.

“What?”  The magician caught sight of the mid-air Jester and his hand jerked slightly away from Revis to brace himself against the impact.

At the same moment, Revis activated his magic ring and turned invisible.

The blaster fired, filling the air with a surge of electric power.

search term silliness

It has finally happened!  I’ve gotten enough off the wall search terms collected to get them into a post to share with all of you.  That’s not just awesome, that’s awesomesauceh.

On with the silliness:

You searched: “what is being struck with cupids arrow

Love.  Or, lust, I guess.  And perhaps a trip to the emergency room.  It all kind of depends on what cupid looks like and what the arrow is made of.

Executive Search Dating

You searched: “what does it mean to be called “matticus”?

Seriously?  That is just the most awesomesauceh search ever!  Am I right?  Why am I asking you?  I know I’m right!  To be called Matticus means you are silly, and a jester (which isn’t the same thing as being silly) and passionate, and a good guy who doesn’t always finish last, and a writer, and a friend.  You exude calm and patience, love and understanding.  You are a shoulder to cry on.  You are the first to jump to defend those in need.  Being called “Matticus” means you are a pretty swell guy, if I do say so myself.

You searched: “pilot brother birthday message

Well, you came to the right place.  I just so happen to have two posts that cover that very thing, right here and here.

You searched: “softly fades the light of day

Aw, isn’t that nice.  Well, unless you were hoping that my blog would just fade away, that’s less nice.  I’m guessing this took you one of my sunset or sunrise posts, which is good, because I think those are all pretty fantastic.  Though, this line is actually from a Boy Scout song:  “Softly fades the light of day, as our campfire fades away.  Silently each scout must ask, have I done my daily task?  Have I kept my honor bright?  Can I guiltless sleep tonight?  Have I done and have I dared, everything to be prepared?”

Wow.  I didn’t Google that, so it could be slightly off, but I’m impressed with how much of that I remember.  *pats self on back*  Go me.  We used to sing that song at camp at the end of our campfire programs at the beginning and ends of the weeks we spent there.  Good.  Times.  Not joking.

You searched: “meg ryan my ass is twitching

Well, that’s fascinating and all, but why do you think Meg Ryan would care?  To each their own, I guess.  However, I’m guessing your search was really for this post, but the quote is actually from Kevin Kline…  Maybe that’s close enough.  I won’t judge you.

It's hard to top Meg Ryan's performance in this scene but these ladies gave it a shot. Picture: Supplied

You searched: “coconut milk is a natural laxative tom hanks”

That’s good to know.  I think.  Maybe…?  I guess it could be useful information should I ever find myself cast away.  Though, again, I find your search curious.  Are you telling Tom Hanks?  He already knows.  He’s the one who informed the rest of us in the first place.

You searched: “why does robin williams say its not your fault

Robin Williams is insane, in a good way.  Who knows why he says anything?  That being said, I’m fairly certain what you were looking for could be found right here, partially.  For the rest of the answer you are going to have to watch Good Will Hunting.

You searched: “your life is a echo

you-talkin-to-me

Tred carefully.  That sounds like an insult… and we don’t take too kindly to those around here.  Are you saying I’m not original?  Are you saying I’m just a fading copy of a copy of a copy of a copy?  That seems harsh.  What have you done recently?

Jerk.