another silly Q and A

You’ll never guess what this week’s Q and A theme is.  Nope.  Never.  Wait, you already figured it out?  Boo.  Well, fine, be that way.  I’m going to post it anyway.

(All other Q and A silliness can be found here.)

As a reminder:  The Q’s are life situations you may find yourself in, and the A’s are the corresponding quotes from movies that you could considering using in those situations if you were mad like me.  But, I am a professional Jester, so take that into consideration before trying them on your own.

Q: What should you say when someone asks what religion you are?
A: “Religion divides people. Belief in something unites them.”
– Flight of the Phoenix – Rady (Kevork Malikyan)

Q: What should you say when someone asks you do to them a favor that will probably get you in trouble?
A: “Sir, if they found out they’d put my hot dog in a bun and chow down.”
– Memphis Belle – Clay Busby (Harry Connick Jr.)

Q: What should you say when you are doing roll call in your family car before heading out on a trip?
A: “A teddy bear does not constitute an inaccurate passenger manifest.”
– Flightplan – Captain Rich (Sean Bean)

Q: What should you say when your wife asks you to help pick out the new paint colors for the kitchen?
A: “Always bet on black!”
– Passenger 57 – John Cutter (Wesley Snipes)

Q: What should you say when you find yourself making one bad decision after another?
A: “Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.”
– Airplane! – Steve McCroskey (Lloyd Bridges)

Q: What should you say when someone asks what you want to do when you grow up?
A: “What arrogance… to think you could ever understand my intentions!”
– Air Force One – Ivan Korshunov (Gary Oldman)

Q: What should you say when you are shopping and someone’s grocery cart is blocking the aisle?
A: “Excuse me, I don’t mean to intrude, but could you move your ass, dear?”
– Airport ’77 – Karen Wallace (Lee Grant)

Q: What should you say when you are at the bar and aren’t sure what you should order?
A: “I’ll have what he’s having. Hemlock, is it?”
– Top Gun – Charlie (Kelly McGillis)

Q: What should you say when you walk into the bar and you are the only person there?
A: “Hey everybody. Drinks are on me.”
– Hot Shots! – Kent Gregory (Cary Elwes)

Q: What should you say when you find yourself doing a thankless job and you are trying to remember how you got there?
A: “We weren’t assigned. We were requested.”
– The Tuskegee Airmen – Lt. Col. Benjamin O. Davis (Andre Braugher)

………

Did you are did you not figure out theme?  We here in the kingdom have been doing a bit of traveling this year and that may or may not have factored into this week’s theme.  For giggles let’s say that wasn’t a factor at all.  I know you believe me.  Here there be planes, planes, and planes with nary a monster in sight.  Thanks for playing along.

Silver Q and A

And on and on we go, tackling moves that punch above their weight, only this time I will try not to offend anyone…

Maybe…

(Not sure what’s going on, start here and all* of life’s mysteries will be revealed to you.)

*I highly doubt this is a factual statement, but strangers things have happened.

Let’s see what I’ve learned and used from “Silverado.”

It’s me.  You knew I’d have to do a western at some point…

Q: What should you say when you realize you should stop before you do something foolish?
A: “Today, my jurisdiction ends here. Pick up my hat.”
– Sheriff Langston (John Cleese)

Q: What should you say when someone doesn’t believe you will keep your word?
A: “Well, if we don’t you can keep my brother.”
– Emmett (Scott Glenn)

Q: What you should you say to your closest friends every chance you get?
A: “You know, hangin’ around with you is no picnic.”
– Paden (Kevin Kline)

Q: What should you say when someone asks the best time to reach you?
A: “I’m always there, but I only shine at night.”
– Stella (Linda Hunt)

Q: What should you say when someone is pestering you, a telemarketer for example?
A: “I got things to do, kid, I’m a busy man.”
– Jake (Kevin Costner)

Q: What should you say when you’ve caught someone in the act of doing something you aren’t very happy about?
A: “We’re gonna give you a fair trial, followed by a first class hanging.”
– Cobb (Brian Dennehy)

Q: What should you say when you are about to start a neighborhood block party?
A: “I got my people down there throwin’ snowballs and rarin’ to go.”
– Hobart (Brion James)

Q: What should you say when you get home from work and you are handed the honey-do list?
A: “I wanted a drink and a bed. I guess I came to the wrong place.”
– Mal (Danny Glover)

Q: What should you say when someone asks what you want out of life?
A: “I want to build something. Make things grow. That takes hard work. A lifetime of it. That’s not why a man comes to a pretty woman. After a while I won’t be so pretty. But this land will be.”
– Hannah (Rosanna Arquette)

Q: What should you say when you walk into the employment office to look for a job?
A: “Excuse me, Sheriff, I’m a gambler who’d like to run an honest game in your town. To whom do I speak about that?”
– Slick (Jeff Goldblum)

………

To prove the point of how awesome this movie is I only used one quote from each character.  Did you see those names?  Jeff Goldblum, Kevin Kline, Kevin Costner, Danny Glover, John Cleese…  This movie is fantastic.  Here there be gun battles, love, devotion, bravery, chivalry, and all kinds of western bravado including more than a few monsters.  Thanks for playing along.

It’s all gone Q and A

Continuing this week on the new theme where I highlight a film that punches above it’s weight, today, we are going to see what I’ve learned from a deaf DJ in It’s All Gone Pete Tong.

(All previous iterations of the Q and A silliness can be found here.  As if you didn’t already know that.  Let’s make a game of it.  Who can collect them all first?)

(Wait?  What?)

(Never mind.)

Some of these may not be suitable for small children, the elderly, and anyone who gets offended easily.  You’ve been warned.  Just as you were warned last week.

Q: What should you say when you have an amazing life experience and are considering how to profit from it?
A: “Maybe I should write a book. That might take years though, perhaps a pamphlet or brochure.”
– Frankie Wilde (Paul Kaye)

Q: What should you say to someone who sounds terrible?
A: “You’re talking like a 95 year old war vet. Frank, you need professional help.”
– Max Haggar (Mike Wilmot)

Q: What should you say when someone asks you about your newest musical endeavor?
A: “We’re bending the sounds. I’ve been forging it. With a lyrical smelter.”
– Frankie Wilde (Paul Kaye)

Q: You find yourself in an important meeting, your coworker has just basically told off your boss after being asking provide something and you need to smooth things over, what do you say?
A: “I think what he’s trying to say is even though he feels that he has nothing to prove to you, he’d be happy to prove anything you want, to you.”
– Max Haggar (Mike Wilmot)

Q: What should you say when someone asks you what your favorite type of footwear is?
A: “Flip flop is to me perfection.”
– Frankie Wilde (Paul Kaye)

Q: What should you say when your parents ask you about someone you used to hang out with back in school?
A: “I’ve heard some stories. This guy supposedly saw him in New York wearing a garbage bag for a hat and shoeboxes on his feet and he had a rock, and he was trying to eat it like a sandwich.”
– Max Haggar (Mike Wilmot)

Q: What should you say when someone asks what you plan on doing with your life?
A: “I was thinking, you know Paul Newman’s got his salad dressing and that? So why not Frankie Wilde Hummus?”
– Frankie Wilde (Paul Kaye)

Q: What should you say when someone asks how you could have made a certain decision against them?
A: “Well, business is tough and sometimes you have to make awkward decisions and I’ve made harder decisions than dropping the deaf DJ.”
– Jack Stoddart (Neil Maskell)

Q: What should you say when you are out at a club, hammered, and someone asks what you are doing?
A: “No, I’m not gonna fuck her. I’m knackered. I’m just gonna have a nosh.”
– Frankie Wilde (Paul Kaye)

Q: You are sitting poolside, enjoying a refreshing beverage, and someone interrupts you to ask how your drink is, what should you respond?
A: “It’s like bad speed in a can. We’ve all had bad speed haven’t we?”
– Frankie Wilde (Paul Kaye)

A whole bunch of silly, and then bam-bam, hit you with two offensive ones at the end.  Well, I warned you at the top, didn’t I?  *scrolls up to double check*  Yes, yes I did.

………

Have you watched this movie?  I was shocked at how much I liked it.  After having previously watched “Go” and “Groove” I was expecting something silly and mostly terrible.  And I wasn’t disappointed.  It is silly, it is terrible, and it is fantastic.  Here there be drugs, and beats, and redemption again, and love, and one badger monster.  Thanks for playing along.

In Q and A Bruges

This may be the start of a whole new series of Q and A – where I highlight a film that punches above it’s weight: it’s better than it should be.  Today, we are going to see what I’ve learned from a couple contract killers taking a “vacation” In Bruges.

(All previous iterations of the Q and A silliness can be found here.)

Some of these may not be suitable for small children, the elderly, and anyone who gets offended easily.  You’ve been warned.

Q: What should you say when you are perfectly content at home and someone suggests going on a trip to a place you’ve never even heard of?
A: “Ken, I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin. If I grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me but I didn’t, so it doesn’t.”
– Ray (Colin Farrell)

*You were warned about offensiveness.  You can’t say that you weren’t.*

Q: What should you say when someone compliments you on the attractive nature of your female companion at a social gathering?
A: “She’s ain’t my girlfriend. She’s a prostitute I just picked up.”
– Jimmy (Jordan Prentice)

*Again, offensiveness, you warned – and if you aren’t enjoying these, you should probably skip the next one.*

Q: What should you say to someone when you are finally ready to tell them off once and for all.?
A: “I mean no disrespect, but you’re a cunt. You’re a cunt now, and you’ve always been a cunt. And the only thing that’s going to change is that you’re going to be an even bigger cunt.”
– Ken (Brendan Gleeson)

*Did you skip it or risk it?  How’d that work out for you?*

Q: When you are on vacation and someone asks how you are enjoying yourself, what should you answer?
A: “Maybe that’s what hell is, the entire rest of eternity spent in fucking Bruges.”
– Ray (Colin Farrell)

*I figure if you’ve made this far and haven’t headed any of the warnings, you know what you are doing and are on your own for the rest.*

Q: What should you say to someone who’s stupidity and uselessness leaves you too flummoxed and frustrated to think straight?
A: “You’re an inanimate fuckin’ object!”
– Harry (Ralph Fiennes)

Q: What should you say when you are at a bar ordering drinks for yourself and a friend and your friend wants something “light?”
A: “One gay beer for my gay friend, one normal beer for me because I am normal.”
– Ray (Colin Farrell)

Q: What should you say when someone asks why you didn’t recognize them when they passed you on the street earlier?
A: “I was on a very strong horse tranquilizer today; Wasn’t waving hello to anybody. Except… maybe to a horse.”
– Jimmy (Jordan Prentice)

Q: What should you say when you find yourself talking to a couple people who you can’t understand and aren’t quite sure you should be anywhere near to begin with?
A: “You two are weird. Would you like some cocaine?”
– Ray (Colin Farrell)

Q: What should you say when you are in a gun shop, browsing, and the clerk asks if you’ve seen the latest Uzi models?
A: “An Uzi? I’m not from South Central Los fucking Angeles. I didn’t come here to shoot twenty black ten year olds in a drive-by. I want a normal gun for a normal person.”
– Harry (Ralph Fiennes)

And for the grand finale, this one only works if you have two people “playing along:”

Q: “Why don’t you both put your guns down, and go home?”
– Marie (Thekla Reuten)
A: “Don’t be stupid. This is the shootout.”
– Harry (Ralph Fiennes)

Don’t forget to come back next week where I will either try to offend even more people or I’ll profusely apologize for everyone I offended this week.

………

Have you watched this movie?  Netflix, when I had the service, recommended it to me and one day I finally relented and watched it, and then I watched it again and laughed even hard the second time around.  It’s got everything: drama, love, comedy, action.  It’s almost the perfect movie.  Here there be gun battles, a few deaths, redemption, love, and all kinds of over-the-top ridiculousness, and one very bad monster.  Thanks for playing along.

Cast Q and A Away

(All previous Q and A can be found here. Well, the ones I’ve done anyway.  There is a whole slew of Q and A out there that is completely unrelated to me.)

Continuing on from last week, focusing on just one film, we are going to do that again this week.  Mostly because I’m lazy and want to save myself the 30 seconds or so it would take to type up the name of the ten different films I might otherwise include… 30 seconds I have already wasted typing this up…  Hmm…  Oh well.

As you may have noticed, I’ve incorporated a “small amount” of movie dialogue into my day-to-day lingo.  Today we are going to see what I’ve learned and used from “Cast Away.”

Q: What should you say when you come back from the grocery store with nothing from your list but several cartons of ice cream instead?
A: “I had power over nothing.”
– Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

Q: What does Matticus say every single time he starts a fire (camp fire, barbecuing fire, fire in the fireplace, fire for the range, wild fires, etc…)?
A: “Look what I’ve created. I have made FIRE.”
– Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you say when someone asks how you turned your life around?
A: “And one day my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail.”
– Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you say when someone tells you they are going to be a few minutes late?
A: “First thing it’s two minutes, then four, then six, then the next thing you know, we’re the U.S. mail.”
– Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you say when someone tells you they like to drink coconut milk?
A: “Coconut milk is a natural laxative. That’s something Gilligan never told us.”
– Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you say when you are embarking on a journey and you know all your worthless friends are going to sit around and drink so you have to do all the work?
A: “Don’t worry Wilson, I’ll do all the paddling.”
– Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you say whenever you are flying on December 24th?
A: “Hey, is all this turbulence from Santa and those eight tiny reindeer?”
– Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you never ever ever ever ever say?
A: “I’ll be right back.”
– Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you say when someone tells you something is going to be a few days delayed in getting done?
A: “87 hours is an eternity. The cosmos was created in less time.”
– Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

Q: What should you say when you are trying to be hopeful about anything and everything?
A: “We might just make it. Did that thought ever cross your brain?”
– Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks)

………

I’m sure you all noticed, because you are the best readers out there, but every quote was Tom Hank’s character.  If you’ve seen the movie, you know why.  If you haven’t seen the movie, well, you can still probably guess why.  Here there be deserted islands, plane crashes, loneliness, despair, hope, perhaps hope more than than the rest, and monsters of the volleyball brain eating variety.  Thanks for playing along.