Q and A Parody Madness, on the rocks

I’m being overrun by madness herehereherehere, …

Over the years I’ve incorporated an abundance of film dialogue into my day to day lingo.  The following is a useful guide parody I’ve put together of situations you may find yourself in and the some (in)appropriate and/or completely silly responses.

You probably shouldn’t ever use most of these.*  However, I’ve used many of them and the rest I’m just waiting for the perfect opportunity.

Q: What do you say when someone says they hurt themselves?
A: “Let me take your mind off the pain.”  (At this point I really, really, really don’t recommend breaking their finger.  Don’t do it.)
– Maj. Benson Payne (Damon Wayans) – Major Payne

Q: What do you say when someone asks a really good question?
A: “That, is the right question.”
– Dr. Alfred Lanning (James Cromwell) – I, Robot

Q: What do you say when someone asks how you got so good at what you do?
A: “I was trained by the best. British intelligence. But in retrospect I would rather have been a poet. Or a farmer.”
– John Mason (Sean Connery) – The Rock

Q: What do you say when you see mob mentality starting to overrun humanity?
A: “That’s a lot of cows.”
– Hatcher (Christopher Walken) – The Rundown

Q: What do you say when someone says they are too scared to do something?
A: “That’s why no-one will remember your name.”  (You could also just yell “Hector” a whole bunch of times.  That would work too.)
– Achilles (Brad Pitt) – Troy

Q: What do you say if someone asks if you want to go out dancing?
A: “Computer, define dancing’.”
– Captain (Jeff Garlin) – Wall-E

Q: What do you say when someone is talking to you and getting on your very last nerve?
A: “I don’t know what it is about you, but the more you talk, the more you give me the willies.”
– Frank James (Sam Shepard) – The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

Q: What do you say when someone asks how much longer you are going to carry on with an activity, if you have a limit?
A: “I guess I just haven’t reached mine yet.”
– The Punisher (Dolph Lundgren) – The Punisher

Q: What do you say when you run into someone you haven’t seen in a long time?
A: “Carl? Carl! Merry Christmas! How is it we’re always talking on Christmas, Carl? Every Christmas, I’m talking to you!”
Frank Abagnale, Jr. (Leonardo DiCaprio) – Catch Me if You Can

Q: What do you say when you find yourself lost and going in circles while in the car?
A: “Hey look kids, there’s Big Ben, and there’s Parliament… again.”
– Clark Griswald (Chevy Chase) – National Lampoon’s European Vacation

…..

*The Matticus Kingdom published this list for entertainment purposes only.  We do not dispense with advice we think people should ever heed and cannot be held responsible for any resulting slaps across the face, puzzled looks, loss of friends, tarnished reputation, improved reputation for that matter, closets that were once skeleton free no longer being so, or other unpleasantness that may result from following these guidelines.  Proceed at your own risk, here there be monsters.  Don’t try this at home kids.  Insert additional typical “hold harmless” verbiage here.
Advertisements

More Q and A Parody Madness

The madness started here and made its way over here before now popping up again today.

Over the years I’ve incorporated an abundance of TV dialogue into my day to day lingo.  The following is a useful guide parody I’ve put together of situations you may find yourself in and the some (in)appropriate and/or completely silly responses.

You probably shouldn’t ever use most of these.*  However, I’ve used many of them and the rest I’m just waiting on the perfect opportunity.

Q: What do you say when you are doing anything (listening to a song, a lecture, a conversation, a dog barking, etc…; or reading a movie script, a novel, a magazine, the warning label on your medicine bottle, etc…; or watching a movie, a television show, a play, a boxing match, etc…) and your first instinct is that it needs more of something?
A: “I got a fever!  And the only prescription… is more cowbell.”
– Bruce Dickinson (Christopher Walken) – Saturday Night Live

Q: What do you say when you are about to head out on a grand adventure?
A: “It’s going to be legen…  wait for it… dary!”
– Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) – How I Met Your Mother

Q: What do you say when you bump your head, when your bank accounts are empty, when you lose your job, when you stub your toe, when ….  when you forget what else you were going to say?
A: “D’oh!”
– Homer (Dan Castellaneta) – The Simpsons

Q: What do you say when someone quesitons your sanity?
A: “I’m not insane, my mother had me tested!”
– Sheldon (Jim Parsosn) – The Big Bang Theory

Q: What do you say to someone you are at your absolute wits end with?  Someone who has wronged you, who has tried to bypass the system, who has only ever been up to no good and finds themself up against the wall?
A: “So far, I’ve seen you lie, cheat, steal, and try murder. You tried everything but begging. Now get down on your knees…”
– Paladin (Richard Boone) – Have Gun – Will Travel

Q: What do you say when you see an attractive person and want to say hello to them?
A: “How you doin’?”
– Joey (Matt LeBlanc) – Friends

Q: What do you say after someone just went on a long, rambling, expletive filled, yet still completely pointless diatribe with far too many adjectives and other descriptive words while simultaneously trying to get a point across and completely terrorize you in the process?
A: “So you do scary little speaches.  How adorable!”
– Jill Tracy (Nicole Sullivan) – Scrubs

Q: What do you say when you catch your refelction in a mirror?
A: “I really am ruggedly handsome, aren’t I?”
– Richard Castle (Nathan Fillion) – Castle

Q: What do you say if someone asks if you really care about their problems?
A: “Sure.  You make my face look like this and concerned words come out.”
– Rube (Mandy Patinkin) – Dead Like Me

Please, please stop the madness before it spreads further!

This, along with the previous installments, are by no means complete lists, but they should be enough to get you through most of life’s experiences.  Well, I’ve found them useful anyway.

…..

*The Matticus Kingdom published this list for entertainment purposes only.  We do not dispense with advice we think people should ever heed and cannot be held responsible for any resulting slaps across the face, puzzled looks, loss of friends, tarnished reputation, improved reputation for that matter, closets that were once skeleton free no longer being so, or other unpleasantness that may result from following these guidelines.  Proceed at your own risk, here there be monsters.  Don’t try this at home kids.  Insert additional typical “hold harmless” verbiage here.