Q and A Parody Madness, on the rocks

I’m being overrun by madness herehereherehere, …

Over the years I’ve incorporated an abundance of film dialogue into my day to day lingo.  The following is a useful guide parody I’ve put together of situations you may find yourself in and the some (in)appropriate and/or completely silly responses.

You probably shouldn’t ever use most of these.*  However, I’ve used many of them and the rest I’m just waiting for the perfect opportunity.

Q: What do you say when someone says they hurt themselves?
A: “Let me take your mind off the pain.”  (At this point I really, really, really don’t recommend breaking their finger.  Don’t do it.)
– Maj. Benson Payne (Damon Wayans) – Major Payne

Q: What do you say when someone asks a really good question?
A: “That, is the right question.”
– Dr. Alfred Lanning (James Cromwell) – I, Robot

Q: What do you say when someone asks how you got so good at what you do?
A: “I was trained by the best. British intelligence. But in retrospect I would rather have been a poet. Or a farmer.”
– John Mason (Sean Connery) – The Rock

Q: What do you say when you see mob mentality starting to overrun humanity?
A: “That’s a lot of cows.”
– Hatcher (Christopher Walken) – The Rundown

Q: What do you say when someone says they are too scared to do something?
A: “That’s why no-one will remember your name.”  (You could also just yell “Hector” a whole bunch of times.  That would work too.)
– Achilles (Brad Pitt) – Troy

Q: What do you say if someone asks if you want to go out dancing?
A: “Computer, define dancing’.”
– Captain (Jeff Garlin) – Wall-E

Q: What do you say when someone is talking to you and getting on your very last nerve?
A: “I don’t know what it is about you, but the more you talk, the more you give me the willies.”
– Frank James (Sam Shepard) – The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

Q: What do you say when someone asks how much longer you are going to carry on with an activity, if you have a limit?
A: “I guess I just haven’t reached mine yet.”
– The Punisher (Dolph Lundgren) – The Punisher

Q: What do you say when you run into someone you haven’t seen in a long time?
A: “Carl? Carl! Merry Christmas! How is it we’re always talking on Christmas, Carl? Every Christmas, I’m talking to you!”
Frank Abagnale, Jr. (Leonardo DiCaprio) – Catch Me if You Can

Q: What do you say when you find yourself lost and going in circles while in the car?
A: “Hey look kids, there’s Big Ben, and there’s Parliament… again.”
– Clark Griswald (Chevy Chase) – National Lampoon’s European Vacation

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*The Matticus Kingdom published this list for entertainment purposes only.  We do not dispense with advice we think people should ever heed and cannot be held responsible for any resulting slaps across the face, puzzled looks, loss of friends, tarnished reputation, improved reputation for that matter, closets that were once skeleton free no longer being so, or other unpleasantness that may result from following these guidelines.  Proceed at your own risk, here there be monsters.  Don’t try this at home kids.  Insert additional typical “hold harmless” verbiage here.

Even More Q and A Parody Madness

You are all familiar with the madness now, right?

It started here and made its way over here before popping up last week here.

And I’m starting to wonder how many more posts I can get out of this idea!

Anyway, here we go again:

Over the years I’ve incorporated an abundance of film dialogue into my day to day lingo.  The following is a useful guide parody I’ve put together of situations you may find yourself in and the some (in)appropriate and/or completely silly responses. 

You probably shouldn’t ever use most of these.*  However, I’ve used many of them and the rest I’m just waiting on the perfect opportunity.

Q: What do you say when a conversation has gone so far off topic you just need to stop and start over?
A: “Zed’s dead, baby.  Zed’s dead.”
– Butch (Bruce Willis) – Pulp Fiction

Q: What do you say when someone suggests something that definitely isn’t PC and you don’t care?
A: “I’m strangely comfortable with it.”
– Connor (Sean Patrick Flanery) – The Boondock Saints

Q: What do you shout when you are about to cross swords with one of the worlds deadliest assassins?
A: “You and I have unfinished business!”
 – Beatrix Kiddo (Uma Thurman) – Kill Bill

Q: What do you say when you are trying to talk someone into doing something both completely foolish and completely heroic?
A: “Ride out with me.”
 – Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen) – LOTR: Two Towers

Q: What do you say when you are headed to a party?  Any type of party, anywhere?
A: “Vegas baby!  Vegas!”
 – Trent (Vince Vaughn) – Swingers

Q: What do you ask when you find out you get to do something you both love and are exceptional, you might even say “super,” at?
A: “As fast as I can?”
 – Dash (Spencer Fox) – The Incredibles

Q: What do you say if someone asks if you know where you are going?
A: “P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.”
 – Dory (Ellen DeGeneres) – Finding Nemo

Q: What do you say when someone is trying to show-off but you are not impressed?
A: “That’s not a knife.”
 – Michael J. “Crocodile” Dundee (Paul Hogan) – Crocodile Dundee

Q: What do you say to someone who is bit too full of themselves?
A: “This ain’t Dodge City.  And you ain’t Bill Hickok.”  
 – Mathew Quigley (Tom Selleck) – Quigley Down Under

This, along with the previous installments, are by no means complete lists, but they should be enough to get you through most of life’s experiences.  Well, I’ve found them useful anyway.

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*The Matticus Kingdom published this list for entertainment purposes only.  We do not dispense with advice we think people should ever heed and cannot be held responsible for any resulting slaps across the face, puzzled looks, loss of friends, tarnished reputation, improved reputation for that matter, closets that were once skeleton free no longer being so, or other unpleasantness that may result from following these guidelines.  Proceed at your own risk, here there be monsters.  Don’t try this at home kids.  Insert additional typical “hold harmless” verbiage here.   I keep waiting for someone to comment on all the silliness going on down here but so far noone has.  Maybe if I just keep making it longer and longer someone will finally notice it.  Hey, look down here, I’m funny!