fade or journey

The topmost layer of paint had begun to fade and underneath the outline of long forgotten words took shape.  They had been buried, hidden in an attempt to wipe them away but time, wind, rain, friction, stripped away the covering to expose them again.  They weren’t quite readable yet and perhaps never would be but they were there all the same.

Such it is with most things in our lives.  Try as we might to hide our pasts, the truth remains just below the surface, beneath the flimsy walls we raise to protect ourselves and those around us from our missteps.  Eventually, the walls will chip, wear thin, and splinter, and the memories hidden beneath will be exposed.

Some walls are stronger, some are weaker, and all are prone to the same ravages of time.  We are only human after all.  We cannot attain perfection.

That doesn’t mean we should wear our past on our sleeves, chips of pride and patches of past sins.  We don’t need to revel in the mistakes that have been made.  Rather we should embrace the lessons that were learned because of those mistakes and we should look for the same in others.  Do not judge those who have fallen.  We have all fallen.  Applaud those who stand up and learn to place their steps more carefully.  Lend a steadying hand to those who try.

Or we can just keep stumbling around, with our fraying layers attempting the impossible…

In all honesty, I have no idea how we got here.  This started as a post about the neglected aesthetics of my office.  It was a red curb in desperate need of paint and beneath the red I could see the outline of words that had been written on top of a previous coat.  Noticing that helped me notice other things here and there that were in need of a fresh coat, a minor patch, some stucco, a complete overhaul…

And then I started typing, and as is so often the case, the words took their own journey.

They Lie

The talons of the day sink through tattered flesh to rest in the bones below.  Strangers pass by, refusing to acknowledge the shrieks of pain and pleas for aide.  They are strangers after all.  What business is it of theirs?  They remind themselves of their own struggles and miseries to fend off and quickly scurry away to their fluorescent rooms of shadow.

“Pick yourself up,” they mumble.  “Help yourself,” they admonish.  “You must not want success/health/power/prosperity badly enough,” they lie.

The shackles of the day chain tired feet to the burning pavement.  The heat radiates upwards as the boiling whirlpool of swirling hate and ambivalence welcome the sinking flesh.  Strangers jump over, and sidestep to avoid frantic hands scrambling for purchase to keep from being swallowed.  They are strangers after all.  What business is it of theirs?

“You got yourself into this mess,” they mumble.  “You can get yourself out,” they admonish.  “You must not want to survive badly enough,” they lie.

The night at the end of the long day crushes against the horizon and lays waste to all the light had dared to touch.  Strangers stumble and fall, but refuse to offer guiding hands or work together.  They are strangers after all.

“This is your fault,” they mumble.  “You could make a light if you applied yourself,” they admonish.  “We can find our way perfectly fine without you,” they lie.

funny drivers everywhere

We needed an attitude adjustment.

That was our realization after starting to call every other driver on the road an idiot, a moron, a fool, an imbecile…  And we really did make a go of it.  The solution seemed simple enough.  Instead of calling them names, we would simple choose to see the funny in it all.

Like the people who park their cars in our complex so they take up multiple spaces.  Isn’t that funny of them?

And the people who jaywalk, wearing black, on a dark street, long after the sun has gone down.  Hilarious!

And, of course, the drivers who decide they like the lane we’re in, so they veer over without checking to see if anyone else is already occupying that space.  That’s a knee-slapping good time.

I know I’ve mentioned these people before, the ones who don’t walk the extra 10 steps to return their carts after shopping, but since I’m changing my attitude about them I think they bear mentioning again.  They piss me right off.  Sorry, nothing funny about that one.  I guess the attitude adjustment didn’t work.

So, we’re back to calling them all idiots… because sometimes it’s okay to call something, or someone, exactly what it is.  Right?

Let’s discuss.  What do you think?

what day is it?

Questions, questions, questions… and then just when you think there couldn’t possibly be any more, they came up with another one.  How are they always doing that?

Do large groups of people, full of commotion, camaraderie, and a cacophony of sound (I love alliteration), energize me or do they send me reeling away in search of a quiet corner?

Simply put, yes.

When I’m in the mood, I can feed off the energy of a crowd, it can get me going, pump me up and keep me up, moving, interacting, dancing, all through the night and past the wee hours of the morning.  I’m a dj.  I know how to feed of the energy of a crowd.  I know how to take that energy and spin it right back out so that others can feed off my energy.  Let’s get this parted started!  Let’s keep it moving!

However, I’m not the 18 year old kid I was when I first stepped behind the decks and started spinning those black circles round and round.  There are definitely days when I’m just worn out to the core already and having that wall of sound all around me, having those people with their questions and their movement and their need for attention, is just more than I can handle.  The sound is like lightning, in a bad way, flashing across my brain.  (Yes, I meant lightning there, not thunder.  Sheesh!  Who is telling this story?  May I continue?  Okay, here we go…)

So, sometimes I love the crowd and sometimes I hide from the crowd.  In general, I’d say that’s probably pretty normal.  Hmm, but since I’m the jester I shouldn’t do “normal” right?  So, never mind, scrap the rest of the post, and here’s the answer:

I’m an entertainer!  Bring on the people!  Bring on the noise!

Are you not entertained?