It’s true

You want the truth?

You won’t need a posse of coconut clapping knights from Rock Ridge to force me to take Miracle Max’s chocolate coated truth serum.

I’ll confess.

I am Movie Man.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Exactly 33 words in response to the Trifextra/Trifecta weekend challenge: “This weekend we are asking for a thirty-three word confession.  You’re free to write non-fiction or fiction or to blur the lines in between.  We just encourage you to get creative and give us your best.”

What do you have to confess?

Guest Post: Now For Something Slightly SortaGinger

Please give a great big ‘ol Matticus Kingdom welcome to JC or SortaGinger or  whatever Her Awesomeness is going by these days:

1

When requests for submissions to the Matticus Kingdom were sent out into the blogosphere, I enthusiastically volunteered my services.

Then I realized I would have to write something and that it would have to be somewhat interesting.  I decided to casually ask for ideas on what he would like to see on his blog:

2

The answer was “just write like you always do”.  And that, good reader, is what you will get today. I have decided to go with the theme of the recent blog entries and come up with the official colors of the Kingdom.    Every Kingdom needs their presence known through flags and banners, showing their colors  to be seen from near and far.

After a cursory evaluation of the site and favored colors (blog white, font black), I came up with three colors to represent the blog, the Matticus Royal Family and all other associated ventures.  Excited for this new project, I gathered my materials:

3

What?  You thought I could sew, or use MS Paint or something?  What fun is that?

I decided to go with a tri-color tape manicure.  First step is paint your entire nail with the lightest color you plan to use. In this case, it was Milani High-Speed Fast Dry in a Silver Metallic color (it appears to no longer be available, which explains the clearance price I got for it).

4

After that is completely dry, use tape to section off part of your nail and paint the un-taped area with the next level color.  This is OPI Designer Series in Extravagance, a nice burgundy with rainbow micro-glitter.  This part went well, better than my last attempt at a tape manicure with two colors.  Just ignore the one slightly slanted line on that finger there.  I SAID IGNORE IT.

5

Finally, after that coat is dry, I used tape again to make a diagonal line and painted the un-taped area with Sally Hansen Complete Salon Manicure in Navy (also appears to be discontinued or limited edition; I am all about the clearance aisles).   Here are the final results, with and without flash:

6

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This was my first time using three colors and the diagonal lines started to waver some.  Or a lot.  I post all my self-manicure pictures with the disclaimer that they are messy, but I did try my best this time for the honor of the Kingdom.   Seeing as they are new parents, I am going to say the messy lines represent not sweating the small stuff and maybe sleep deprivation.

There you have it.  What I think to be the “official” colors of the Matticus Kingdom, whether they like it or not.    What colors would you have chosen?

Thank you Matticus for letting me into the Kingdom today.  Love the moat!

……….

Marvelous!  Not only do we now have official colors, but we also seem to have an offical crest/design/coat of arms… or nails, as the case may be.  And what a glaring error on my part to not have put together a more formal banner for my kingdom and/or spruce up my little piece of the blogosphere with something more than white background and black font.  I’d say I’ll get right on fixing that, but…  well, I’ve got one little thing going on right now that is taking precedence over everything else.  So, you’ll just have to deal with my lack of color, or just keep coming back to this post when you need some beyond black and white.

Or, you could always check out these great examples of “color” over in JC’s section of the blogosphere:
http://sortaginger.com/messy-manicure-monday-482013/
http://sortaginger.com/messy-manicure-monday-32513/
http://sortaginger.com/messy-manicure-monday-2252013/

Also, with a little less color:
http://sortaginger.com/the-road-to-okay/
http://sortaginger.com/flowers-hank-hill-and-beauty-in-nature/
http://sortaginger.com/themes-numbers-spam-175/

help, help, I’ve been Liebstered

Not Quite Alice, that may be true, but she’s definitely Awesome.

She popped out of the rabbit hole and chucked a One Lovely Blogger award at me.  It looks like this:

one-lovely-blog-award

While I was ducking that award, a crazy psychedelic tiger wrestled me to the ground and forced a Liebster Award upon me.  This one, to be exact:

liebster_share1

It’s true.  I’ve been Liebstered and there is nothing I can do about it.

My challenge to you, dear readers is to step off my blog for a moment and read these great posts:
http://myrabbitholes.wordpress.com/2013/02/09/daily-prompt-when-i-grow-up/
http://sarahneeve.wordpress.com/2013/02/12/waiting-fiction/
http://myrabbitholes.wordpress.com/2013/02/03/go-away-kitty/
http://sarahneeve.wordpress.com/2013/01/04/i-have-an-idea-updated/

Back already?  Weren’t those great?  And you went ahead and clicked the little follow button on both of their pages?  Nicely done.

Questions?  Questions?  We don’t need no stinkin’ questions:

1. What is your favorite song?
How many people can actually answer that?  One favorite?  How about this:  favorite Springsteen song: No surrender; favorite Blink 182 song: Stockholm Syndrome; favorite Foo Fighter song: Best of You; favorite Killers song: Sam’s Town (Abby Road version); favorite Tiesto song: Just Be, favorite Crystal Method song: Name of the Game, favorite Johnny Cash song: Jackson, do you want more?  I can keep going…

2. What was the last thing you ate?
A cinnamon and raisin bagel, a banana, and some strawberries: breakfast of champions.

3. Do you prefer to read from an eReader or a paper copy?
Paper copy for the moment.

4. List your five favorite movies?
Five?  Only one song, but you are okay with five “favorite” movies?  That just doesn’t make any sense.  So, here are the first five(ish) I can think of at the moment: Tombstone, Braveheart, LOTR Trilogy, Troy, Open Range, Dances with Wolves, Crash, Spiderman 2, Bladerunner….

5. What writing project are you working on now?
I’m working on three:

An epic fantasy called Ascursion – it’s done, I just need to write up a synopsis, cover letter, etc… and figure out where I want to submit it.

I’m in the process of editing a backpacker, mystery, intrigue sort of story that I wrote for NaNoWriMo 2012.  You can find it here.

I’m just a few chapters away from finishing writing a comedy western.  You can see what I’ve posted for that so far here.

6. Are you allergic to anything?
Penicillan and Amoxycillian – and I’m sure I’ve absolutely butchered the spelling of both.  It’s probably something I should know how to do considering I’m allergic, but… since I’m allergic I’ve never had any bottles of them sitting around.

7. Do you have any real life stories that start with, “This one time at camp…”
Yes.  Tons.  Here’s a sample:

This one time at a camp we used aerosol bug spray pooled in our hands to create little torches.  Then one of us got the brilliant idea to try doing the same thing on our feet.  It’s not as easy to clap out the flame when it is on your feet…  Running through camp seemed to do the trick okay though.

This one time at camp our scheduled night out in the woods (away from the main part of camp) coincided with a meteor shower.  As we lay out on our ground tarps the whole heavens opened up for us in a fantastic light show.

This one time at camp we found a trail that led from our camp to a neighboring camp.  Oh, the shenanigans we had planned, until we realized the trail dead ended at the end of their shotgun range.

8. How do you handle telemarketers?
I don’t have a home phone and I don’t answer calls on my cell phone from numbers I don’t recognize.  It’s been a long time since I’ve talked to a telemarketer.

9. When was the last time you wrote someone a letter by hand and mailed it?
Last month – all of my thank you letters for Christmas cards and gifts.

10. Besides writing, do you have any other artsy talents?
Some people have said that I was a pretty good DJ…

…..

7 Facts about me:
1. The force is not strong with me.
2. Snickers is my favorite candy bar.
3. My truck has almost 200,000 miles on it.
4. I broke my wrist in high school rollerblading.
5. Spiders creep me out.
6. There was a time in my life where I could have very happily become a hermit.
7.  I think there is real magic in this world just waiting to be found.

……

The One Lovely Blog Award Nominations are:

a. http://themotherofnine9.wordpress.com/about-me/
b. http://missfoureyes.wordpress.com/about/
c. http://noblogintended.wordpress.com/about/
d. http://knockedoverbyafeather.wordpress.com/about/
e. http://sortaginger.com/about-2/
f. http://www.jonathanhilton.com/contact/
g. http://ladylovelyblogger.wordpress.com/about/

The Liebster Award Nominations are:

a. http://mischievouseyez.wordpress.com/about/
b. http://girlycamping.com/about/
c. http://waggingmytale.wordpress.com/2013/02/12/daily-prompt-all-about-me/
d. http://shireensingh.wordpress.com/about/
e. http://nowwritingeveryday.wordpress.com/about/
f. http://gordonflanders.wordpress.com/about/
g. http://theloneshewolf.wordpress.com/about/
h. http://soiwentundercover.wordpress.com/2013/01/02/trifecta-challenge-week-58/

And my questions for them:
1. If you were a knight, what would your knightly name be?
2. What is your quest?  (What is the purpose of your blog?  What do you write?  What do you get out of it?)
3. What is your favorite color?  (Seriously just asking about your favorite color.)
4. What is the average airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?  (This is sort of a bonus question – Google or Wikipedia might be able to help.  I will accept an answer for either the African or European variety.)
5. What is your favorite Monty Python movie or sketch?  And why?  (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge…)
6. How much do you hate lists?  (You can answer this question any way you like: comparison, a picture representation, with a list, a number on a scale (out of 5 out of 10 out of 42), etc…)
7. If you were a woodchuck, how much wood would you chuck?  (See question 6 for suggestions on acceptable answers.)
8. If you could be any character from TV or film, who would you be and why?  (Moe from the Simpsons so you could own your own bar?  Princess Leia from Star Wars because she looks good and knows how to fight?  Or Beatrix A Kiddo from Kill Bill for that matter?  Indiana Jones because he is awesome? etc…)

my fondest wish

very inspiring blogger award

I was nominated by Blog it or Lose it for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award:

“Thank you, https://thematticuskingdom.wordpress.com/, for your encouragement and your brilliant writing, fellow NaNo!”

Until recently I had decided that I wasn’t going to accept awards anymore (due to the funny math behind them and the eventuality that they would take over the world – 15 x 15 x 15 x 15 x 15 x 15 = well, you get the idea.  Unchecked, award nominations and responses would takeover the blogosphere.)  However, then I met a dinosaur named Rarasaur and her thoughts on the subject helped to change my mind.  So, I humbly accept this nomination (with a few modifications).  My fondest wish is that I inspire people with my words as much as they inspire me with theirs.

rules

There are 5 rules and the number of the rules is 5.  Not 3, nor 4, nor 6…  And they are as follows:

1.) Display the award logo on your blog.
 – Done.  See above… or below where my awards and other such nonsense are stored.
2.) Link back to the person who nominated you.
 – Done.  See Blog it or Lose it link above and check out their page: lots of wonderful stuff going on.
3.) State 7 things about yourself.
 – I have blue eyes.
 – I like blue shirts.
 – I like blue ties.
 – What do you mean those are all things someone can see from my Gravatar?
 – I like that song about the blue house and the blue windows and the blue corvette, where everything is blue.
 – I especially like the part about the blue corvette!
 – I also like that Blue Monday song.  That’s funny today is Monday!
4.) Nominate 15 bloggers for this award.
 – http://kodiakmylittlegrizzly.com/2013/01/16/pachyderm/ was the first post I read about Kodi, and then I went on to read almost everything else.  Such an amazing, troubling, touching story.  To find out more you can go here.
 – http://thefoodiefarmer.wordpress.com/about/ and I started out disagreeing on a subject, and that was okay.  Now I gobble up everything on offer and you should too.
 – http://purnimodo.wordpress.com/about/ inspires me to write better and to see the world through all sorts of sets of eyes.  Ever felt like a dinosaur or just wondered about your place in the universe?  Yeah, she covers those and everything in between.
 – http://fortyoneteen.wordpress.com/2013/01/15/starting-over-an-intolerance-to-resolutions/ has a way with words and comedy.  Careful, you might get hooked.
 – http://winedrinkingmummy.wordpress.com/2013/01/26/26365-one-photo-per-day-challenge-lessons-plus-others-photo-challenge-love/ for words and pictures working in harmony.  I’ve nominated Jo before and I’m sure I will again.
 – http://hippiecahier.com/about/ isn’t really a hippie, and she’ll tell you so herself.  She definitely does  have a way about her though.
 – http://qtheadult.wordpress.com/about/ has some wonderful things to say.  You know what follows “P?”  That’s right: Q
5.) Notify those bloggers of the nomination by linking to one of their specific posts so that they get notified by pingback.
 – Done. 

What do you mean I didn’t nominate 15 bloggers?  I may not be too good at this whole math thing but there are definitely 15 links up there under rule #4.  I think that should suffice.

To the 7 (15) wonderful bloggers I’ve nominated.  You have all inspired me through your words and pictures, through your interpretation of the world around us and through the way you present that in your little sections of our blogosphere.  Don’t feel under any obligation to accept these awards if you don’t want to, but know that I think you are definitely deserving of it.  You are Very Inspiring.

Q and A parody (take 2)

This is the second installment in a new series of parody posts that I started earlier this week with some humorous lyrics.

Over the years I’ve incorporated an abundance of movie dialogue into my day to day lingo.  The following is a useful guide parody I’ve put together of situations you may find yourself in and the some (in)appropriate and/or completely silly responses.

You probably shouldn’t ever use these.*  However, I have.  Every.  Single.  One.

Q: What do you say when someone asks why you did something foolish?
A: “It’s like this fellow I knew in El Paso.  One day, he just took all his clothes off and jumped in a mess of cactus.  I asked him that same question, ‘Why?’ … He said, ‘It seemed like a good idea at the time.'”
– Vin – The Magnificent Seven

Q: What do you say when you see someone driving a super flashy car?
A: “Where does he get those wonderful toys?”
– The Joker – Batman

Q: What do you say when someone questions your coolness?
A: “I’m with it.  I’m hip.”
– Dr. Evil – Austin Powers

Q: What do you say when you are about to avenge the death of your father, who you loved very much?
A: “Hello.  My name is Inigo Montoya.  You killed my father.  Prepare to die.”
– Inigo Montoya – The Princess Bride

Q: What do you say when you want to happily respond in the affirmative?
A: “Oh, it’s twue.  It’s twue.  It’s twue, it’s twue!”
– Lily Von Shtupp – Blazing Saddles

Q: What do you say when you realize you don’t need to worry about something as much as you were?
A: “Oh, good.  For a moment there I thought we were in trouble.”
– Butch Cassidy – Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

Q: What do you say when a situation is under control but people keep asking who is taking care of it?
A: “We have top men working on it now. …  Top… men.”
– Major Eaton – Indiana Jones and The Raiders of the Lost Ark

Q: What do you say when you are at a social event and someone playing the bagpipes has had too much to drink?
A: “We have a piper down, I repeat, a piper is down!”
– Stuart Mackenzie – So I Married an Axe Murderer

Q: What do you say when someone asks your name?
A: “There are some who call me… Tim.”
– Tim – Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Q: What do you say when someone has done a good job?
A: “That’ll do, Donkey.  That’ll do.
– Shrek – Shrek
or
A: “That’ll do pig.  That’ll do.”
– Farmer Hoggett – Babe

“Harriet, sweet Harriet..”

What do you mean you’ve never been to a social event that had a bagpiper who drank too much?  We’ll you’re missing out.

Bonus question – how many Mike Myers references did I make?

This, along with the previous installment, are by no means complete lists, but they should be enough to get you through most of life’s experiences.  Well, I’ve found them useful anyway.

…..

*The Matticus Kingdom published this list for entertainment purposes only.  We do not dispense with advice we think people should ever heed and cannot be held responsible for any resulting slaps across the face, puzzled looks, loss of friends, or other unpleasantness that may result from following these guidelines.  Proceed at your own risk, here there be monsters.  Insert additional typical “hold harmless” verbiage here.  I’ve been known to joke about my legalese sections self-destructing but am not feeling that silly today.