The Neverending Q and A

"Oh no she didn't!"  *snap, snap, snap*

Tsk, tsk, I haven’t even gotten on to any themes yet!  Soon there will be superhero movie Q and A’s, and western movie Q and A’s, and baseball movie Q and A’s, and…  Well, you get the point, because you’ve already been following the madness here, and here, and here, and here.  Once I’ve completely exhausted movies, I can just pick up a few books and send the series that way.  Once I’m done with books I can listen to a few more albums and send the series that way.  By then I’ll have watched a whole new slew of movies to have pulled dialogue from and the cycle will being again.

Muahahahahahaha.
Muahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Now, where are my sharks with the laser beams attached to their heads?
(Dr. Evil, Austin Powers, as if you didn’t already know.)

Over the years I’ve incorporated an abundance of film dialogue into my day to day lingo.  The following is a useful guide parody I’ve put together of situations you may find yourself in and the some (in)appropriate and/or completely silly responses.

You probably shouldn’t ever use most of these.*  However, I’ve used many of them and the rest I’m just waiting for the perfect opportunity.

Q: (This one should be pretty obvious) What do you say when someone asks how long you are going to be able to carry on with a particular endeavor?
A: “For-ev-ver! For-ev-ver! For-ev-ver! For-ev-ver!”
– Squints (Chauncey Leopardi) – Sandlot

Q: What do you say when someone asks what you think about a touchy subject?
A: “There’s no right, there’s no wrong, there’s only popular opinion.”
– Jeffery Goines (Brad Pitt) – Twelve Monkeys

Q: What do you say when you see something naming something ridiculous – their lawnmower for example?
A: “Men get such hardons from putting their names on things. You guys don’t grow up. It’s like you need to pee on everything.”
– Natalie Keener (Anna Kendrick) – Up in the Air

Q: What do you say when you need to give yourself a timeout?
A: “Excuse me. I think I had better be where other people are not.”
– Charles (Hugh Grant) – Four Weddings and a Funeral

Q: What do you say when someone says that something about you seems different?
A: “I’m wearing new shoes.”
– Dave (Jay Baruchel) – Sorcerer’s Apprentice

Q: What do you say when you are doing something you know you shouldn’t be but it still feels so right?
A: “I am a baaaad man.”
– Mephis (Nicolas Cage) – Gone in Sixty Seconds

Q: What do you say when someone says they are down on their luck?
A: “Never give up and good luck will find you.”
– Falcor (Alan Oppenheimer) – The Neverending Story

Q: What do you say when someone says they can’t beleive what they just witnessed?
A: “You just saw three monkeys go by on a motorcycle, didn’t you?”
– Sarah Whittle (Bonnie Hunt) – Jumanji

Q: What do you say when someone asks why you do something, especially if they know it is something you don’t enjoy doing?
A: “Because I’ve got a gift.”
– Charles Remington (Michael Douglas) – The Ghost and the Darkness

Q: What do you say when someone attempts something they shouldn’t have and it didn’t work out well for them?
A: “You wanted to go through the looking glass. How was it? Was it more fun than miniature golf?”
– Scott (Val Kilmer) – Spartan

…..

*The Matticus Kingdom published this list for entertainment purposes only.  We do not dispense with advice we think people should ever heed and cannot be held responsible for any resulting slaps across the face, puzzled looks, loss of friends, tarnished reputation, improved reputation for that matter, closets that were once skeleton free no longer being so, or other unpleasantness that may result from following these guidelines.  Proceed at your own risk, here there be monsters.  Don’t try this at home kids.  Insert additional typical “hold harmless” verbiage here.  Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bunch of movie quotes.  The quotes blew their minds and that’s all she wrote.  Yes, these weekly posts may just last “for-ev-ver.”

Q and A parody (take 2)

This is the second installment in a new series of parody posts that I started earlier this week with some humorous lyrics.

Over the years I’ve incorporated an abundance of movie dialogue into my day to day lingo.  The following is a useful guide parody I’ve put together of situations you may find yourself in and the some (in)appropriate and/or completely silly responses.

You probably shouldn’t ever use these.*  However, I have.  Every.  Single.  One.

Q: What do you say when someone asks why you did something foolish?
A: “It’s like this fellow I knew in El Paso.  One day, he just took all his clothes off and jumped in a mess of cactus.  I asked him that same question, ‘Why?’ … He said, ‘It seemed like a good idea at the time.'”
– Vin – The Magnificent Seven

Q: What do you say when you see someone driving a super flashy car?
A: “Where does he get those wonderful toys?”
– The Joker – Batman

Q: What do you say when someone questions your coolness?
A: “I’m with it.  I’m hip.”
– Dr. Evil – Austin Powers

Q: What do you say when you are about to avenge the death of your father, who you loved very much?
A: “Hello.  My name is Inigo Montoya.  You killed my father.  Prepare to die.”
– Inigo Montoya – The Princess Bride

Q: What do you say when you want to happily respond in the affirmative?
A: “Oh, it’s twue.  It’s twue.  It’s twue, it’s twue!”
– Lily Von Shtupp – Blazing Saddles

Q: What do you say when you realize you don’t need to worry about something as much as you were?
A: “Oh, good.  For a moment there I thought we were in trouble.”
– Butch Cassidy – Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

Q: What do you say when a situation is under control but people keep asking who is taking care of it?
A: “We have top men working on it now. …  Top… men.”
– Major Eaton – Indiana Jones and The Raiders of the Lost Ark

Q: What do you say when you are at a social event and someone playing the bagpipes has had too much to drink?
A: “We have a piper down, I repeat, a piper is down!”
– Stuart Mackenzie – So I Married an Axe Murderer

Q: What do you say when someone asks your name?
A: “There are some who call me… Tim.”
– Tim – Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Q: What do you say when someone has done a good job?
A: “That’ll do, Donkey.  That’ll do.
– Shrek – Shrek
or
A: “That’ll do pig.  That’ll do.”
– Farmer Hoggett – Babe

“Harriet, sweet Harriet..”

What do you mean you’ve never been to a social event that had a bagpiper who drank too much?  We’ll you’re missing out.

Bonus question – how many Mike Myers references did I make?

This, along with the previous installment, are by no means complete lists, but they should be enough to get you through most of life’s experiences.  Well, I’ve found them useful anyway.

…..

*The Matticus Kingdom published this list for entertainment purposes only.  We do not dispense with advice we think people should ever heed and cannot be held responsible for any resulting slaps across the face, puzzled looks, loss of friends, or other unpleasantness that may result from following these guidelines.  Proceed at your own risk, here there be monsters.  Insert additional typical “hold harmless” verbiage here.  I’ve been known to joke about my legalese sections self-destructing but am not feeling that silly today.