Revis Saves the Kingdom…. From Matticus

Matticus couldn’t believe his luck. There were signs up all around the castle saying that there were free tacos. And it wasn’t even Tuesday!!!

He had just passed his fifth sign with an arrow pointing him in the direction of the free tacos. The further along he went, the more he started getting a bad feeling about this. Something about it didn’t feel right. The next sign was pointing him towards the dungeon. Something was definitely not right here.

But, he wasn’t about to give up. Not when there could be free tacos at stake.

Right after the last sign, the tacos came into view. He rushed forward to grab them. That’s when he noticed that he’d just ran into a cell. The door slammed shut behind him. His hand reached out for the tacos and, as soon as he touched them, he knew he’d been tricked. He turned around to a faceful of bars and his First Knight, Revis, standing on the outside of the cell.

“Those tacos aren’t real,” Matticus protested. “They’re papier-mache!”

“That’s the part you’re mad at?” Revis answered. “Not the part where I locked you in a cell?”

“You don’t tease someone with tacos! That’s not right!”

“If you want to get technical, those signs were entirely accurate. No matter what they’re made of, they’re still tacos, and they’re yours to keep. So, I didn’t lie to you.”

“I suppose that’s true. Ok, fine you win. You tricked me into a cell. Ha ha. You’ve had your fun, now let me out.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’ve done the people of the Kingdom wrong, and as the First Knight, it is my duty to protect the people of the Kingdom from everyone who would do them harm. Even you.”

“What are you talking about? What have I done to the people of the Kingdom?”

“You put in an automated system to handle the Kingdom’s information hotline instead of having real, live people handle the calls.”

Matticus laughed. “Would you expect anything less from the Jester?!”

“How can you defend this action? It is a horrible, vile thing that puts you on par with some of the world’s most evil villains. I may not be the best person out there, but I would never inflict an automated phone system on anyone. You should be ashamed of yourself…”

“Simple answer: I am an evil person.”

“And this is why I must overthrow you. To save the Kingdom from your evil tyranny.”

“Good luck.”

“What do you mean, ‘Good luck’? I’ve already captured you. You’re already in jail.”

“That is…. a fair point. So, now what?”

“Now, Jester, you are to be punished in a manner that will make evildoers think twice before they commit any misdeeds in the Kingdom again.”

“You don’t mean…”

“Yes. You will be forced to watch the kindergarteners of the Kingdom sing the song ‘Baby Shark’ 55,378,008 times in a row.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“After that, you will be released and, if you commit another crime, you will be forced to watch the animated version of Dragons of Autumn Twilight for two straight weeks.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

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And the winner is…

A few weeks ago, I asked all you wonderful kingdomites to join in a game of blogosphere tug-of-war…  In this addition, the contest was between Team Coke and Team Pepsi.

I should have realized that something was amiss when the first backer came in to support the Dr. Pepper Snapple Group (it’s a thing, I promise)….

And then, for a time, the game dissolved into chaos.  Bloggers were tugging in every which way, and I thought it was going to have to be abandoned altogether.

But then!!!  But then Team Coke showed up, and heaved, and pulled, and tugged, and won in a landslide.

Unfortunately, our official kingdom tally keeper quit, so I don’t have the exact numbers for you.

You’ll just have to take my word for it.

Hey, I’m a Jester.  You can definitely trust me.  Definitely.  I assure you.  Believe me.

Thank you to all the players and CONGRATULATIONS to Team Coke, who once and for all have decided the age old battle of the sodas, colas, pops, carbonated sugary drinks of deliciousness…

Support Your “Local” Author

Local, as in you are all my faithful kingdomites, right?  Right!

Nothing says, “I love what you write,” like buying an author’s book.  As luck would have it, I happen to have a fun book ready for you to buy right here: The Erratic Sun

The Erratic Sun - Cover

Yep, just click the link, select Kindle or paperback, add it to your cart, check out, and then enjoy the heck out of it when it shows up in your mailbox.

And then do you know what says, “I love you more than the rest?”  Writing a review or two (or forty-two) and leaving them all over the internet for other people to find.

Did you need that link again?  Buy my book here, here, here, and here.

Or…

You could buy a signed copy of the book by sending $20 to me via: PayPal

If you decide to go that route, send me an email (djmatticus @ yahoo dot com) to let me know so we can talk inscription for the autograph and so I can get the address you want it shipped to.  (Also, some restrictions apply.  That price is for US only.  I’ll happily ship anywhere in the world I’m allowed to, but I’ll need to factor in the appropriate costs if you are in Azerbaijan.  Again, when in doubt or if you have any questions, just shoot me an email and we will figure it out together.)

Happy reading!

 

A Jesterly Challenge to Challenge the Jester

IMG_20150808_1329330_rewind

The writer, the scribe, the teller of tales, the spinner of magic, the Belle in a box?  Perhaps.

Last week, in response to a post called Wandering Spirits, an idea occurred to me while responding to the very nice comment left by Aul, aka Dominic.  The basic premise is: can you stump me?

November is nearly upon us, and that means Nano Poblano madness.  I hadn’t thought it possible for me to post every day next month as part of those festivities, but… what if you all sent me prompts?  Maybe then, if I had enough time to write and schedule ahead of time, I could actually participate.

So…

The gauntlet has been thrown:  Is there anything I can’t write about?  Let’s find out.  In the comments leave a topic and a style that you either want me to tackle because you’d like to see what I come up with, or that you think I’ll struggle with and want to laugh at what I come up with.

Examples:  Magic / Poem, Politics / Haiku, Astrophysics / Flash Fiction, and so on and so forth.

Okay?

Comments left first will be answered first.  First comment will be answered on November 1st, Second on the 2nd, etc…

Have fun with it.  Leave me a challenge.  Leave me something silly.  Leave me whatever you fancy.  And I’ll turn it into a post, and hopefully we’ll all have a bit of fun.  Sound good?

Let’s begin.

A Thank You To All

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you to everyone who played along with our silliness. Thank you for everyone who read, and commented, and even wrote their own additions to the storyline. And thank you to Revis, who wrote all the funny parts, all the action scenes, and all the plot twists. The story itself was even his idea! Honestly… I’m not sure what I contributed at all. Anyway, if you enjoyed the Save the Kingdom series make sure you show some love to all the guests who made it that much more special!

33 Grams of Blog

As you know, Matticus and I just finished up a story in which we saved his Kingdom from sparkly vampires. Along the way, we ran into many of our fellow bloggers. These are all amazing people. Not only did they make the writing process fun, they were also very good sports about the whole thing.

There are a few of our fellow bloggers who we would like to give extra special thanks to:

First and foremost, we’d like to thank Goldfish for agreeing to be our villain. Every good story needs a good villain, and you were the best, my fishy friend.

We’d also like to give thanks to Faithhopechocolate, who took the time to write her own story about the happenings in the Kingdom. Your adventure is a welcome addition to the Kingdom’s legends.

Last in this category, but certainly not least, is another blogger who was awesome…

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