Revis and Matticus Save The Kingdom, Chapter 22

Revis and I continue on our quest to save the Kingdom from the invading sparkly vampires. There are plenty of twists and turns still ahead of us… Go check it out!

33 Grams of Blog

Matticus tried to scream, but he had no mouth, and there was no air to carry the sound waves anyway.  Next to him, he saw that Revis had turned into a whale, and for some reason he thought that was weirder than his own predicament: he had turned into a potted plant.  He tried to laugh, but when nothing happened he remembered he had no mouth.

He did, however, notice that they were falling at a great rate of speed, and the world they were approaching was getting larger and larger.  As he began to feel the air rushing through his leaves he realized he could scream if he had a mouth, and was actually thankful he was a plant so he couldn’t hear the terror in his voice.  The whale thrashing around next time was making plenty of noice for both of them as it was.

As the air grew…

View original post 1,082 more words

TAGGED again

KnowledgeKnut tagged me!  We are back in the schoolyard again.  And I’m okay with it.  I always liked tag.  In the scouts we played a slightly nastier version of the game called “Ditch-em.”  In the polite versions of that game those who weren’t “it” just completely disappeared making it impossible to be found and tagged.  In the less polite versions of the game we set up tricks and traps for those chasing us.

A visual representation of the current game:


For some reason I feel like Uncle Sam is pointing in my direction…  Anyone else feel that way?  Hmm, either Uncle Sam or maybe Smokey the Bear.  Speaking of scouts I can’t remember how many times we almost burned down something…  but, that’s another story altogether.  Let’s get on with the game, shall we?  We shall…


  1. Post these rules
  2. Post a photo of yourself (if you want to) and eleven random facts about yourself
  3. Answer the questions given to you in the tagger’s post.
  4. Create eleven new questions and tag new people to answer them.
  5. Go to their blog/twitter and let them know they have been tagged.

– 2 – Eleven random facts about me:
1. I’m feeling a bit odd today.
3. Did I mention the scouts?  Yeah, I’m an eagle.
5. I definitely think rules are meant to be stretched to the limits.
7. I only almost accidentally burned down my house once.  It involved fireworks.  I was in junior high.
9. I’ve posted a few pictures of me in some of the previous games of tag I was pulled into.  If you are feeling less lazy than me, you can search for them and, er, um, check me out.
11. It’s not that I’m lazy so much as that I’m not getting a lot of sleep these days.  The little prince isn’t yet on any sort of discernible schedule.

– 3 – Questions from KnowledgeKnut and my answers:

1.  If you could spend time with someone who inspired(s) you, who would that be?
My maternal grandfather.  (Mom, I’m not just saying that to see if I can get you to cry.)

2.  Why?
He was an amazing man… and if half of the memories I have of him, and half of the stories I’ve heard about him are true at all, he was more than an amazing man.  I never got to spend much time with him when I was old enough to appreciate the wisdom and experiences I could get from him.  I’d love to have that opportunity now.

3.  If you could be the opposite sex for one week, what would you do?
I plead the fifth.

4.  What is your dream car?
I’m not really a car guy.  If had the money I’d probably buy a corvette…

5. What is something you’ve always wanted to say to someone but never had the nerve?
I’m sure there have been things, but I don’t remember them.  For the most part I try to speak my mind.

6.  When you forgive someone, can you forget?

7.  If you could be any Royal (dead or alive), who would you be?
Me.  The Jester of the Matticus Kingdom.  Duh!

8.  Why?
Because being the Jester is total awesomesauce.

9. Your favorite movie has became your reality, what is the movie and what part are you playing?
Too many choices…. too many…. too… *beep* sorry, you have fried the Jester’s brain (nice going there wiseguy), please bear with us as we try to get things up and running again…. *beep*

If they ever make the Dark Tower series into a movie (or 7… or 14…).  I would be Roland Deschain of Gilead. 

10. Your goal is to become famous, how do you plan to do that?
With the wordiness of my wordy words, of course.

11.  When you are gone (dead) what is the one thing that you want to remembered for?
My wordy words.  Didn’t we just cover that?

– 4 – Questions and people I’m tagging:
1. Coke or Pepsi?
2. Why?
3. Mac or PC?
4. Why?
5. Tastes Great or Less Filling?
6. Why?
7. Why is the answer to life, the universe and everything “42?”
8. Pen or pencil?
9. Why?
10. Manual or automatic?
11. Why?

(Thanks to my brilliant wife who helped me come up with this list of questions.  She is AMAZING.)

You’ve been tagged:
1. Jon
2. Jen
3. MerBear
4. Steph
5. Tony
6. (Aunt) Princess Rosebud
7. The Imaginator
8. The Scribbler
9. Mr. Atheist
10. Matrone Bell
11. Rara
12. Jenn
13. The Foodie Farmer

Each of these wonderful bloggers has guest blogged for me in the last couple of weeks, picking up the slack around the kingdom while my efforts have been focussed elsewhere.  And how do I repay them?  I tag them, of course!  Don’t you wish you had guest blogged for me too??!!

Of course you do!

What do you mean? African? Or European?

I was nominated by Jodi Lea for The Liebster award: recognition for bloggers who are “up and coming” – meaning they have less than 200 followers, or have recently published their blog.


I haven’t done any of the research myself, but per Jodi Lea: “Not to be confused with the sponsored blog awards, the Liebster is a blogger generated award that provides links to new bloggers, a chance for your readers to know you better, and increase publicity for your blog.”  That sounds pretty nifty to me.

Unfortunately I can’t accept this award as I have surpassed the 200 follower maximum to receive it.  Hmm, or is that actually, a fortunately I can’t accept this award because so many of you have already found me and think I’m awesome? 

However, for fun, I’m going to play along with at least part of the rules:

Upon receiving the nomination, you are required to do the following:
a. Tell 11 things about yourself
b. Answer 11 questions asked by the nominating blogger
c. Nominate 11 new bloggers
d. Ask 11 questions to the bloggers you nominated
e. Inform the bloggers you choose

a. Tell 11 things about yourself something silly
a.01 – We had pet desert tortoises growing up.
a.02 – We got a couple of them as hatchlings.
a.03 – They were small enough that two of them could fit in the palm of my hand, and I was pretty small at the time too.
a.04 – As they grew they turned into social creatures that would follow us around the backyard hoping for a treat and biting our toes if we ignored them.
a.05 – One of their favorite treats was grapes.  It was always pretty entertaining to watch them eat one.
a.06 – Mature desert tortoise bites hurt more than you’d think.
a.07 – One of them we named Herby.  He was super speedy.  You might even say he had a bit of turbo in him.
a.08 – All of them figured out how to escape from the backyard at one time or another.
a.09 – They are much smarter than you’d think too.
a.10 – I sat here for a good five minutes but couldnt’ think of anything else related to them to share.
a.11 – Oh wait!  No, never mind…

b. 11 questions asked by Jodi Lea  – and my answers:
b.01 – As a kid (or older) when you pretended to be someone else, who were you and why did you want to be them? – Superman, because he was a super man.  It seems pretty self-explanatory.
b.02 – Have you had your “15-minutes of fame” yet? How did it happen? (If it hasn’t happened, how would you like it to happen?) – Nope.  Don’t want 15 minutes of fame.  I’m much greedier than that.  I need at least a good 30 minutes or so, and if it can be about something I’ve written that would be fantastic.
b.03 – If you could change one thing about your personality – what would it be and why? – Nothing, because I’m perfect.  Oh, alright.  I guess I could stand to be a bit more humble for obvious reasons.
b. 04 – What was the last novel you read? Would you recommend it? – George RR Martin’s – Dance with Dragons.  Yes and I have several times.  I’m not sure why you haven’t read it yet.  (Oh, but you should probably start with a Game of Thrones and read the whole series in order or you’ll be really lost.  “You know nothing, Jon Snow.”)
b.05 – Who was/is your favorite teacher, and why? – My parents because they actually parented.  It was hard on all of us, but I learned a lot and am better for it.  Except for that whole humbleness thing…
b. 06 – Besides writing, tell us about one of your other talents. – I’m very good at sitting on my couch and watching TV when I should be editing something I’ve written.
b.07 – Where were you when President Kennedy was shot? – That happened during one of my previous lives and the details are a bit fuzzy.  I think I was probably sitting on a couch somewhere though.  My current life didn’t start until 1981.
b.08 – You wrote a novel about your life growing up, and now Hollywood is making a movie based on that novel. Which actor/actress would you want to play you, and why? – Vigo Mortensen, because he is the king and it is good to be the king.  It would need to be directed by Mel Brooks though to make sense.
b.09 – What was your favorite TV show when you were in grade school?  What about now? – The Simpsons then and now.
b.10 – What are your top 3 pet peeves? – Lists, answering questions presented in list form, and answering questions that want a list as part of the answer.
b.11 – Do you like your first name? If not, what would you change it to? – I do like my first name.  But, if I didn’t, I’d change it to Bill or George. Anything but Sue!

c. Nominate 11 6 7 8 new bloggers (yes, yes, I’m a terrible person only nominating 6 7 8 instead of 11, maybe I’m not perfect after all):
c.01 –
c.02 –
c.03 –
c.04 –
c.05 –
c.06 –
c.07 –
c.08 –

d. 11 6 7 8 questions to the bloggers I nominated (hey, it’s only fair they have less to answer if I’m nominating fewer of them, right?  There must be a correlation in there somewhere.  I used to be good at math to figure out those sorts of things but my brain doesn’t understand numbers anymore – something about too much time on the couch):
1. What is your name?  (How did you decide on the name you chose for your blog and your blogger personality?)
2. What is your quest?  (What is the purpose of your blog?  What do you write?  What do you get out of it?)
3. What is your favorite color?  (Seriously just asking about your favorite color.)
4. What is the average airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?  (This is sort of a bonus question – Google or Wikipedia might be able to help.  I will accept an answer for either the African or European variety.)
5. What is your favorite Monty Python movie or sketch?  And why?  (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge…)
6. How much do you hate lists?  (You can answer this question any way you like: comparison, a picture representation, with a list, a number on a scale (out of 5 out of 10 out of 42), etc…)
7. If you were a woodchuck, how much wood would you chuck?  (See question 6 for suggestions on acceptable answers.)
8. If you could be any character from TV or film, who would you be and why?  (Moe from the Simpsons so you could own your own bar?  Princess Leia from Star Wars because she looks good and knows how to fight?  Or Beatrix A Kiddo from Kill Bill for that matter?  Indiana Jones because he is awesome? etc…)

e. I Informed the bloggers I chose via the pingback links in section “c.”

help! help!

The sky is falling, the sky is falling, the sky is falling!  Seek shelter, go underground, escape, run away, hide!  The sky is falling!

Oh…  Wait, are you sure?  Really?

I guess sometimes living in Southern California we forget what rain is…

Nevermind, no need to panic (I’ve got my towel*), everything is going to be okay**.

Now, if we could all just remember how to drive in the rain, then everything truly would be okay.  Not holding my breath on that though.


*Sorry, couldn’t resist the Hitchhiker’s Guide reference.
**Always remember, the answer is 42.

Mike’s Belated Birthday Blog

So, on my brother’s birthday I called him, I texted him, I tweeted him, and I emailed him from two different email accounts.  That should have covered it, right?  Wrong.  “Where was my birthday blog?”

Well, it’s here, now, late.  Careful what you ask for…


*static*  *static*

This is Space Command to Zoom

*static*  *static*

This is Space Command to Zoom

This is Zoom

All systems are go for your message to Michael

*static*  *static*

Okay.  Here we go

Hey Michael!  We missed your day!  I’m in charge of the stars and I’m here to say, ’cause Michael, you were the BIG STAR (two weeks ago yesterday)!

My name is Zoom and I live on the moon but I came down to earth just to sing you this tune.  Hey Michael, yep we missed your birthday!

A present for you I wanted to find, an outerspace creature, a one of a kind!  A wild whop or a kukelchoo, an apple drop or a buzzardstew, or maybe a 3-eyed tickleshay, for your birthday.

Did you ask: “Uh, what’s a kukelchoo?”  Well, up on the moon it’s nothing new.  But that wouldn’t do for you, on your birthday.

I searched behind the clouds and stars.  I even zoomed my boke to Mars, and met my friend the saucer man, and he said: “Hey Zoom I got the bestest plan!  What your friend needs is  something new, so how about a song, just from YOU?”

And so tonight when you’re in bed, I’ll be singing to you as I zoom overhead.  Singing, Michael, I missed your day.  Singing, happy belated day.  Singing, it’s not your real birthday, today!

Happy Belated Birthday, Michael!  See you next year!

*static*  *static*  *static* 

This is Space Command to Michael, we’re very sorry it took us so long to track down Zoom for your birthday message.  We’ll try to do better next year.  In the meantime please feel free to peruse our gift shop and let us know if there’s anything we can do to make your experience more enjoyable.  And, no, unfortunately we can’t stop time, you do have to age with the passing years.  And, no, we don’t know Deep Thought and we can’t tell you what the answer would have been if it wasn’t 42…  Interesting, you only have a few more years until your age is the answer…  So, much better than 23 though, right?  I mean, we all know what people think about 23 year olds.

Sorry, got off on a tangent there.

This is Space Command signing off.  Happy Belated Birthday Michael.


Borrowed, stolen, and adapted from the Captain Zoom birthday song, with a shout out to Douglas Adams, because, well, Hitchhiker references make everything better, and another shout out to the Blink-182 lyrics “nobody likes you when you are 23.”