the son of an engineer

That sort of says it all, right?

I’d love to say that I was the type of person who never planned out anything and was always content to just go with the flow, let spontaneity rule the day, make and change plans on a whim.  And, while I am very good at going with the flow, I’m Gumby, I can bend without breaking whenever needed, I’m not comfortable unless there is a plan in place.

It can all get scrapped, switched up, recreated, and set to the side, but I’m not comfortable unless I go into something with an action plan, a road map, a set of guidelines.  From travel to my day to day routines, I want/need to start each day knowing (or at least thinking I know) what I’m going to be doing that day, when, and where.

Except, when it comes to writing.  I hardly ever make an outline ahead of time for any of my writing projects, I just sit down and see where the words take me.  Using this post as an example, I had no idea I was going to use writing as a caveat to my “need for a plan” mentality until I had come up with the Gumby comparison.

Yes, I’m silly like that.

What about you?

Q and A Parody Madness, on the rocks

I’m being overrun by madness herehereherehere, …

Over the years I’ve incorporated an abundance of film dialogue into my day to day lingo.  The following is a useful guide parody I’ve put together of situations you may find yourself in and the some (in)appropriate and/or completely silly responses.

You probably shouldn’t ever use most of these.*  However, I’ve used many of them and the rest I’m just waiting for the perfect opportunity.

Q: What do you say when someone says they hurt themselves?
A: “Let me take your mind off the pain.”  (At this point I really, really, really don’t recommend breaking their finger.  Don’t do it.)
– Maj. Benson Payne (Damon Wayans) – Major Payne

Q: What do you say when someone asks a really good question?
A: “That, is the right question.”
– Dr. Alfred Lanning (James Cromwell) – I, Robot

Q: What do you say when someone asks how you got so good at what you do?
A: “I was trained by the best. British intelligence. But in retrospect I would rather have been a poet. Or a farmer.”
– John Mason (Sean Connery) – The Rock

Q: What do you say when you see mob mentality starting to overrun humanity?
A: “That’s a lot of cows.”
– Hatcher (Christopher Walken) – The Rundown

Q: What do you say when someone says they are too scared to do something?
A: “That’s why no-one will remember your name.”  (You could also just yell “Hector” a whole bunch of times.  That would work too.)
– Achilles (Brad Pitt) – Troy

Q: What do you say if someone asks if you want to go out dancing?
A: “Computer, define dancing’.”
– Captain (Jeff Garlin) – Wall-E

Q: What do you say when someone is talking to you and getting on your very last nerve?
A: “I don’t know what it is about you, but the more you talk, the more you give me the willies.”
– Frank James (Sam Shepard) – The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

Q: What do you say when someone asks how much longer you are going to carry on with an activity, if you have a limit?
A: “I guess I just haven’t reached mine yet.”
– The Punisher (Dolph Lundgren) – The Punisher

Q: What do you say when you run into someone you haven’t seen in a long time?
A: “Carl? Carl! Merry Christmas! How is it we’re always talking on Christmas, Carl? Every Christmas, I’m talking to you!”
Frank Abagnale, Jr. (Leonardo DiCaprio) – Catch Me if You Can

Q: What do you say when you find yourself lost and going in circles while in the car?
A: “Hey look kids, there’s Big Ben, and there’s Parliament… again.”
– Clark Griswald (Chevy Chase) – National Lampoon’s European Vacation


*The Matticus Kingdom published this list for entertainment purposes only.  We do not dispense with advice we think people should ever heed and cannot be held responsible for any resulting slaps across the face, puzzled looks, loss of friends, tarnished reputation, improved reputation for that matter, closets that were once skeleton free no longer being so, or other unpleasantness that may result from following these guidelines.  Proceed at your own risk, here there be monsters.  Don’t try this at home kids.  Insert additional typical “hold harmless” verbiage here.