Guest Post – indytony returns to the kingdom

Please welcome my friend indytony back to the kingdom.  I’ve found his words have a way of captivating me, pulling me into the story, and making me long for more.  Give the following a read and see if he has the same effect on you:

My name is Tony (or “indytony” as it appears when I make comments here in the kingdom).  I have “A Way With Words.”  I have posted here once before – a narrative poem called “Built to Last (inspired by John Prine’s “One Red Rose).”  I’m submitting another post for the Jester’s approval for three reasons –

1) The Jester’s reflections on being a new father have flooded my mind with memories of my own children (now 21, 19, 12 and 8). I live in another state now and miss them very much. Rather than cry in my virtual beer, I thought it best to celebrate some moments we’ve enjoyed together.

2) I’m putting off working on “Life” – from my upcoming short story trilogy (which includes “Liberty” and “The Pursuit of Happiness”). I’ve been struggling with the narrative voice, finding an 18-year old woman from 1963 wrestling with such things as identity and sex to be quite a stretch for me.

3) I’m plotting a not-so-silent revolution to take over kingdom readership for my own blog, to ride the Jester’s coat-tails to success so I can have minions writing my posts for me while I sit back and reap the profits.

Now that you know my motives, let me tell you a story (in 500 words or less) –

About a decade ago, I was serving as a pastor of a church in the Finger Lakes region of New York. My wife was our family “keeper at home” who home-schooled our two daughters (then 11 and 9) as well as cared for our son (2). I tried to help as best I could. I kept the shelves filled with library books. I came home for family meals. I even changed a few diapers.

But the reality is… I didn’t do much. I fell somewhere between Don Draper and Heathcliff Huxtable.

One way I was committed to help, though, was by caring for the children every Sunday evening so my wife could go to a Women’s Bible Study. Sundays were stressful days for me (what with being a pastor and all), but I actually looked forward to Sunday evenings when I would play with my son, read to my daughters and experience the joys of being a faithful father.

One Sunday night, I was giving my son a bath when something quite unexpected happened. He was cooing and giggling and then he got a very concerned look on his face. I didn’t think much about it at first, but within seconds it was clear something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

There, behind my smiling boy was more than just a toddler terd-let, but something resembling an overgrown Cuban cigar.

What happened next is debated. You see, after the incident, I chose to turn tragedy into a teaching moment and had each of my daughters compose a narrative gospel, which they faithfully did – making themselves the heroine in their stories. I wrote my own perspective, as well as one from my son’s point of view and one from the family dog’s.

All I can tell you is that it involved a kitty litter scoop, some liquid bleach, and massive quantities of toilet paper. Oh, and no children were harmed in the waste removal process.

………

Funny, funny, funny…  Tony teaching the Jester a thing or two about comedy: create the setting and give just enough information to let our imaginations run wild with the possibilities.  Plus, this serves as a warning of sorts for experiences I’m sure to have in the future.  My current battles are a little less epic though… involving mass quantities of baby wipes and quick reflexes to dodge … um… the fire hose…  Good times all around.

Want more Tony and his way with words?  The Jester recommends these:
http://writingforfoodinindy.wordpress.com/2013/04/09/april-is-the-cruelest-month-walking-through-the-waste-land/
http://writingforfoodinindy.wordpress.com/2013/04/07/re-examining-why-i-write/
http://writingforfoodinindy.wordpress.com/2013/04/06/who-do-i-have-to-sleep-with-to-get-freshly-pressed-5-press-worthy-posts/

stop on by for a visit, you know you want to

While life around the kingdom is slowly returning to some semblance of normal, whatever that means, we do find ourselves still pressed for time at the moment.  And by “ourselves” I mean me, the Jester.  And by “pressed for time” I mean that the days and the nights have melded together into something I can’t quite recognize and when I find myself in front of the computer the glaring light the monitor produces hurts my eyes…

So…  If you want to swing by the kingdom feel free to send me your ideas at djmatticus@yahoo.com, or ask for prompts, or just take over the whole thing for a bit… the throne is getting a bit dusty at the moment anyway.  We would certainly appreciate the company/help.

And a huge “THANK YOU” to everyone who has already guest posted here in the last several weeks.  You are all epically amazingly awesomely fantastic.

Guest Post: (Aunt) Princess Rosebud writes a letter to the Jester

Princess Rosebud, from the  Enchanted Seashells section of the blogosphere, has sent recent first time dad, the Jester, a letter “in honor of the newly born Prince:“

Dear JesterDad,

You’re probably still in the throes of the wonder of it all, right?

For sure you’re exhausted beyond what you ever anticipated, but I bet the very first smile is still fresh in your mind.

Here are a few tried and true tips — in other words, annoying and unsolicited advice — from the mother of Angel Boy, Aunt Princess Rosebud:
■  I never wanted our Angel Boy to sleep in a cold bed, so I’d warm up the sheets with a blow dryer (of course with him not in it at the time.) You could do the same thing with a hot water bottle, but I found the blow dryer did it very quickly.
■  In these early days, heat the towels after a bath. Not hot, but warm enough to be a loving embrace. It’ll feel so cozy. I love warm towels for me, too!
■  Don’t let anyone tell you you’re spoiling him. Loving is not spoiling. A loved child grows up to be a loving adult.
■  Not that you ever would, but just as a reminder, never ever ever leave your Prince alone in the car while you run into the store or the post office or anywhere for “just a minute”. Yes, I know it’s a hassle to take him in and out, but it just takes one time to become a tragedy.
■  We never let Angel Boy cry. Not ever. His dad and I didn’t believe in it. We picked him up at the first whimper. We felt that we didn’t bring him into this world to feel a single second of pain or hurt or fear.
■  Tell him you love him a billion times a day. And then one more time. It’s never enough.
■  If he wants to play a zillion games of Chutes and Ladders or Candyland or read the same book over and over again–do it. With a smile.
■  Every single time — EVERY SINGLE TIME — he says, “Dad, look at me! Dad, watch me!” DO IT. Immediately stop what you’re doing and give him 100% of your attention and all the unconditional attention and love he deserves. I still do it, I’m proud to say! If they don’t have enough positive attention from you, that’s when they turn to others for negative attention.
■  Children thrive with love. Love is free. If you run out of money, you’ll still have enough love to be a good dad.
■  Make learning fun. Encourage curiosity and imagination and experimentation every day, not just during school.
■  I’m prolly the only one who did this, but I told my son (and the school) that if he ever said he was sick or just wanted to come home, they needed to call me cos I’d always go and get him. I never wanted him to think of school as a prison he couldn’t be released from. He actually only called one or two times ever during his school years and I think the reverse psychology of it made him want to GO to school, not have fake stomach aches to stay away. It def worked for us. I didn’t care if he was sick or not, if he wanted to be with me, that was and still is way more important. I didn’t want him to lie and say he was sick if he wasn’t just to get out of school. He’s now a prof at Yale so I can’t say it didn’t work ha ha! (still managed to insert the obnoxiously proud mom plug)

One day your Prince will grow up and be off to college and you’ll have these lovely memories just like we do. It all goes by in the blink of any eye. Trust me.

Happy Parenting from annoying Aunt Princess Rosebud!

Thanks for the opportunity to guest post while you’re falling in love a thousand times a day with your precious baby. I’m usually kind of snarky and self absorbed (it IS my own enchanting little world, y’all!) but the birth of a new Prince has brought out my maternal instincts. I loved the letter to your son, and thought I’d pen a brief missive to you. Since you and my Angel Boy attended the same university and graduated the same year, I feel a connection — these are the same tips he’ll be annoyed with whenever he makes me a grandma.

………

Wow!  Such great advice, and not really annoying at all… well, maybe a little…  I don’t know anymore.  I’m too tired to even remember what day of the week it is at this point.  Just kidding.  Or am I?  I’m not sure of that either!  Oh dear, maybe I should take a nap or something…  I think I’ll just lie down here for awhile if you don’t mind.  Hey it’s my kingdom!  I can do as I please!  … you mean it isn’t even my kingdom anymore??  Oh dear…

Anyway, enough of that rambling.  Isn’t Aunt Princess Rosebud amazing?!  Of course she is!  And you want to read more of what she has to say, right?  Of course you do.  I suggest you start with these and then carry on from there:
http://enchantedseashells.com/2013/02/23/psssst-off/
http://enchantedseashells.com/2013/02/05/in-which-princess-rosebud-embarks-on-a-magical-journey/
http://enchantedseashells.com/2013/02/08/dont-worry-martin-scorsese-im-not-a-threat-to-your-career-for-now/

Guest Post – Revis Edgewater brings forth some wisdom

I asked Revis from 33 grams of blog to come and hang out in the kingdom for the a day.  I was expectin awesome, because that is what Revis consistently provides, and I should say that I wasn’t disappointed either.  You might even say that Revis provided 33 grams of awesome:

When the wonderful Jester asked me if I wanted to guest post, the original idea was a post all about how awesome I am. While a post telling everyone about my greatness would be the truth, I cannot do it for a couple of reasons. One, if I’m the one to tell you that I kick ass, you’d be less likely to believe it. Second, if you read my stuph, and don’t come to that conclusion on your own, I’m probably not as great as I think I am.

Therefore, what I have decided to do is enlighten all of you about other things. I’m going to make a list of things that I have learned from watching movies. I’m sure that every one of these things will help you out in your day-to-day life on a regular basis.

■Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, no matter how crazy they are.
■Matthew McConaughey may get older, but high school girls stay the same age.
■Leonardo DiCaprio dying doesn’t guarantee a good movie, but it certainly helps.
■Shaq made most of his money playing in college.
■If you have a problem, call Houston.
■When Laurence Fishburne gives you a pill, the next thing you know you’ll be tripping, and then you’ll wake up naked.
■Beware the Groove!
■Don’t piss off Bruce Willis, Liam Neeson, or Harrison Ford. Bad things happen to you if you do that.
■ The difference between me and Will Smith is that Will Smith makes this look good.
■Some men are longer than others.
■Chris Evans or Ryan Reynolds have to be in almost every superhero movie.
■When Russell Crowe gives the signal, we should unleash hell.
■Her chastity belt will chafe your Willie.
■Arnold will always be back.
■Dark Helmet always drinks coffee when looking at radar.
■And, finally, those aren’t the droids we’re looking for.

I hope you’ve all learned a little something. I know I did.

…..

Need more wisdom?  Of course you do.  Plus, now you have to go and figure out if all this talk of awesomeness is correct or not.  It is, but we here at the kindgom encourage you to determine that for yourself, and we suggest starting here:
http://revisedgewater.wordpress.com/2013/03/04/just-a-little-something-i-noticed/
http://revisedgewater.wordpress.com/2013/01/13/the-adventures-of-captain-procrastination-part-3/
http://revisedgewater.wordpress.com/2013/02/16/ff-fall-of-troy-part-1/

Guest Post: Matrone Bell Bangs the Drum

Please welcome to the kingdom, the one, the only: Matrone Bell. I find her posts to be poignant and powerful.  They make me ponder.  They make me appreciate.  They make me pause and take notice of the world as it spins around and around.  I bet she’ll have the same effect on you:

There are those who dance to the beat of their own drum, but than there are others that forge the metal to beat it loud. Those are the ones that don’t just follow along, and blindly pound, they’re the ones that create their own sound. They do more than stand out from the crowd, they’re the ones that make humanity proud.

I first want to thank Matt for thinking enough of my writing to want it on his blog, he’s wonderful to follow, so if your not already I highly recommend clicking his follow button. Now on to my shameless plug. I’ve never written a shameless plug before so I don’t know what to write. I basically write what ever is going on in my head at the moment, and I like to fill the side bars of my blog with silly GIF’s and humorous pics. If you fancy that sort of thing then you can find all of my Random Nonsense at http://matronbell.wordpress.com/

………..

She may call it random nonsense, but I call it excellence.  And now that you’ve gotten a small taste, you want some more, right?  I’d start with these:
http://matronbell.wordpress.com/2013/03/13/at-your-core/
http://matronbell.wordpress.com/2012/11/17/its-not-perfect-but-its-ours/
http://matronbell.wordpress.com/2013/02/23/fine/