a conversation to have with yourself

“What’s the most important thing in the world?”

“What do you mean by, “important?”

“You know, important, important…”

“Well, there are many different ways to measure importance: worth, weight, size, nostalgia, history, scarcity, replication, and on and on.  So, think about it and then ask what you really want to know.”

“… What’s the most important thing to be happy in the world?”


“You didn’t think about that very long.”

“I didn’t need to.”

“But… per your own qualifiers, how can you be so certain?  Love can’t be bought or sold.  It has no heft.  It has no physical presence.  It does have nostalgia and history, true, but it seems for every tale of love there are ten tales of love lost.  It isn’t scarce with the way the word gets thrown around, and while it can be achieved again and again it is never the same from time to time, and it is never certain.  How can you possibly believe it is the most important thing to be happy?”

“Because it can’t be bought or sold, it is priceless.  Because, while it isn’t physically tangible, it can bear down on you with the weight of mountains and lift you up to float among the clouds.  Because those tales where love was everlasting are more powerful than all ten tales where it fell apart combined, multiplied together, and squared.  Because it doesn’t matter if the word itself has been cheapened by over use, the sentiment remains as mysterious and magical as the day it was first coined.  Because it is always changing it reflects everything else on this planet, from the worst of us to the very best, and yet still gives us an ideal to strive for.”


“And what?”

“And those were all trumped up generalizations at best.  They were nice, yes, but not an honest reflection of the world we live in.  So, again, how can you possibly believe that love is the most important thing to be happy?”

“Because I choose to believe.”

Wedding - TOS walking away

second date

“Give me your heart.”


“Hand.  Give me your hand.”

“Where are we going?”

“There’s this cute new restaurant a block over I want to try.”

“Is it spicy?”

“No, it’s savory.”

“That’s what you said last time.”

“Don’t even pretend like you didn’t have a good time.”

“Can’t we just order a pizza?”

“I know you are just trying to get under my skin.”

“Always.  I’m a stickler for consistency.”

“You’re something.”

“You wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Sometimes I just want to kiss you.”

“Kiss me?”

“Kill you!”

“I think I’d prefer the kiss.”

“Well, you are getting spicy food instead.”

“I thought you said it was savory.”

“Can’t I be both?”

“Hah!  What?”

“Can’t it be both.”
“The food.”
“The restaurant.”
“That’s it.  No more talking until after we eat!”

“How are we going to place our orders then?”


I was promptless, and then I was prompted!  Queen Creative are at it again:

Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013

A noun that refers to a “slip of the tongue”.  Malapropisms and spoonerisms are two examples.

Suggested Prompts:

  • Write a story based around a slip of the tongue
  • Tell us about the time you let a secret slip
  • List your top 3 television/movie “lapsus linguae” moments
  • Share your favorite spoonerism or malapropism
  • … or make up your own related prompt!

Even More Q and A Parody Madness

You are all familiar with the madness now, right?

It started here and made its way over here before popping up last week here.

And I’m starting to wonder how many more posts I can get out of this idea!

Anyway, here we go again:

Over the years I’ve incorporated an abundance of film dialogue into my day to day lingo.  The following is a useful guide parody I’ve put together of situations you may find yourself in and the some (in)appropriate and/or completely silly responses. 

You probably shouldn’t ever use most of these.*  However, I’ve used many of them and the rest I’m just waiting on the perfect opportunity.

Q: What do you say when a conversation has gone so far off topic you just need to stop and start over?
A: “Zed’s dead, baby.  Zed’s dead.”
– Butch (Bruce Willis) – Pulp Fiction

Q: What do you say when someone suggests something that definitely isn’t PC and you don’t care?
A: “I’m strangely comfortable with it.”
– Connor (Sean Patrick Flanery) – The Boondock Saints

Q: What do you shout when you are about to cross swords with one of the worlds deadliest assassins?
A: “You and I have unfinished business!”
 – Beatrix Kiddo (Uma Thurman) – Kill Bill

Q: What do you say when you are trying to talk someone into doing something both completely foolish and completely heroic?
A: “Ride out with me.”
 – Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen) – LOTR: Two Towers

Q: What do you say when you are headed to a party?  Any type of party, anywhere?
A: “Vegas baby!  Vegas!”
 – Trent (Vince Vaughn) – Swingers

Q: What do you ask when you find out you get to do something you both love and are exceptional, you might even say “super,” at?
A: “As fast as I can?”
 – Dash (Spencer Fox) – The Incredibles

Q: What do you say if someone asks if you know where you are going?
A: “P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.”
 – Dory (Ellen DeGeneres) – Finding Nemo

Q: What do you say when someone is trying to show-off but you are not impressed?
A: “That’s not a knife.”
 – Michael J. “Crocodile” Dundee (Paul Hogan) – Crocodile Dundee

Q: What do you say to someone who is bit too full of themselves?
A: “This ain’t Dodge City.  And you ain’t Bill Hickok.”  
 – Mathew Quigley (Tom Selleck) – Quigley Down Under

This, along with the previous installments, are by no means complete lists, but they should be enough to get you through most of life’s experiences.  Well, I’ve found them useful anyway.


*The Matticus Kingdom published this list for entertainment purposes only.  We do not dispense with advice we think people should ever heed and cannot be held responsible for any resulting slaps across the face, puzzled looks, loss of friends, tarnished reputation, improved reputation for that matter, closets that were once skeleton free no longer being so, or other unpleasantness that may result from following these guidelines.  Proceed at your own risk, here there be monsters.  Don’t try this at home kids.  Insert additional typical “hold harmless” verbiage here.   I keep waiting for someone to comment on all the silliness going on down here but so far noone has.  Maybe if I just keep making it longer and longer someone will finally notice it.  Hey, look down here, I’m funny!