Q and A seduction

Continuing on with requested films to getted pulled apart, dissected, and reshaped in humorous and sometimes poignant ways, this week’s film comes courtesy of ksbeth who demanded The Graduate.  But, you already knew that.

Do you have a movie you’d like me include in these Q and A sessions?  Or a theme?  Or a specific actor?  Let me know in the comments and I’ll see what I can put together for you.

(All previous Q and A iterations are here.)

As a reminder:  The Q’s are life situations you may find yourself in, and the A’s are the corresponding quotes from movies that you could considering using in those situations if you were mad like me.  But, I am a professional Jester, so take that into consideration before trying them on your own.

Q: When someone knocks on your door that you don’t know, what should you ask them?
A: “Are you here for an affair, sir?”
– Room Clerk (Buck Henry)

Q: When sitting in confessional, and you’ve just been asked to confess your sings, what should you ask in reply instead?
A: “Isn’t there something you want to tell me?”
– Mrs. Robinson (Anne Bancroft)

Q: What should you never, ever, ever ask your parents?  Seriously, don’t do it.
A: “Where did you do it?”
– Benjamin (Dustin Hoffman)

Q: What should you say to your signficant other when they ask what you’d like to do with the rest of your evening?
A: “I just want to say one word to you. Just one word.”
– Mr. McGuire (Walter Brooke)

Q: What should you say when someone asks about your plans for the future?
A: “It’s completely baked.”
– Benjamin (Dustin Hoffman)

Q: What should you say when you come home to find your signficant other in grungy clothes, watching soap operas and eating ice cream from the carton?
A: “Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me.”
– Benjamin (Dustin Hoffman)

Q: What should you say when someone asks what you are thinking?
A: “Would you like me to seduce you?”
– Mrs. Robinson (Anne Bancroft)

Q: What should you reply when someone says “they don’t understand?”
A: “Do you ummm… do you want to tell me *why* you did it”
– Mr. Robinson (Murray Hamilton)

Q: What should you say to the most attractive of all your parent’s friends?
A: “I think, I think you’re the most attractive of all my parents’ friends.”
– Benjamin (Dustin Hoffman)

Q: What should you say when someone asks what you think you are doing?
A: “Well, I would say that I’m just drifting. Here in the pool.”
– Benjamin (Dustin Hoffman)


Raise your hand if you enjoyed this movie?  One, two, three, eleventy billion…  Okay, so we all agree it is a classic, but, really, did you really enjoy it?  You did?  Oh.  Okay then.  Well, here there be humor and seduction and fantastic acting and more than one kind of monster.  Thanks for playing along.

Silver Q and A

And on and on we go, tackling moves that punch above their weight, only this time I will try not to offend anyone…


(Not sure what’s going on, start here and all* of life’s mysteries will be revealed to you.)

*I highly doubt this is a factual statement, but strangers things have happened.

Let’s see what I’ve learned and used from “Silverado.”

It’s me.  You knew I’d have to do a western at some point…

Q: What should you say when you realize you should stop before you do something foolish?
A: “Today, my jurisdiction ends here. Pick up my hat.”
– Sheriff Langston (John Cleese)

Q: What should you say when someone doesn’t believe you will keep your word?
A: “Well, if we don’t you can keep my brother.”
– Emmett (Scott Glenn)

Q: What you should you say to your closest friends every chance you get?
A: “You know, hangin’ around with you is no picnic.”
– Paden (Kevin Kline)

Q: What should you say when someone asks the best time to reach you?
A: “I’m always there, but I only shine at night.”
– Stella (Linda Hunt)

Q: What should you say when someone is pestering you, a telemarketer for example?
A: “I got things to do, kid, I’m a busy man.”
– Jake (Kevin Costner)

Q: What should you say when you’ve caught someone in the act of doing something you aren’t very happy about?
A: “We’re gonna give you a fair trial, followed by a first class hanging.”
– Cobb (Brian Dennehy)

Q: What should you say when you are about to start a neighborhood block party?
A: “I got my people down there throwin’ snowballs and rarin’ to go.”
– Hobart (Brion James)

Q: What should you say when you get home from work and you are handed the honey-do list?
A: “I wanted a drink and a bed. I guess I came to the wrong place.”
– Mal (Danny Glover)

Q: What should you say when someone asks what you want out of life?
A: “I want to build something. Make things grow. That takes hard work. A lifetime of it. That’s not why a man comes to a pretty woman. After a while I won’t be so pretty. But this land will be.”
– Hannah (Rosanna Arquette)

Q: What should you say when you walk into the employment office to look for a job?
A: “Excuse me, Sheriff, I’m a gambler who’d like to run an honest game in your town. To whom do I speak about that?”
– Slick (Jeff Goldblum)


To prove the point of how awesome this movie is I only used one quote from each character.  Did you see those names?  Jeff Goldblum, Kevin Kline, Kevin Costner, Danny Glover, John Cleese…  This movie is fantastic.  Here there be gun battles, love, devotion, bravery, chivalry, and all kinds of western bravado including more than a few monsters.  Thanks for playing along.

Q and A Payback

Theme, theme, themes, themes abound.  Well, there is really only one theme this week.  And, it’s a pretty obvious one.  It’s so obvious, in fact, that I’m just going to come right out and say it:

Someone once told me, “It’s only the greatest movie ever made,” and while they were partially serious, they were also partially joking… because he says that about every good movie.  You know who you are.

What are we talking about?

The 1999 “classic:” Payback

(See, I told you it was obvious.)

(All previous Q and A as it relates to the kingdom, life, the universe, and everything can be found here.)

Onward?  Yes, let’s do that:

Over the course of human events, er, um, well the ones I’ve been around for anyway, I’ve incorporated a small amount of worthy movie dialogue into my day-to-day lingo.  Let’s see what I’ve learned and used from “Payback.”

Oh!  And some of these may not be suitable for small children, the elderly, and anyone who gets offended easily.  You’ve been warned.

Q: What should you tell someone after you’ve asked them to do something and you are trying to convince them it is the right thing to do?
A: “I promise you won’t have to find out what your left ball tastes like.”
– Bronson (Kris Kristofferson)

Q: What should you tell someone right before you are about to blow them up?
A: “You were right not to trust me.”
– Porter (Mel Gibson)

Q: What should you tell someone who is wronging you in some fashion?
A: “No, no, it’s all right, he’s just killing my alligator bags and shooting holes in my suits. Man, that’s just MEAN. That’s MEAN, man.”
– Fairfax (James Coburn)

Q: What should you say when you are trying to track down answers, and need to get to the one person who has them?  (I use this when calling to complain about my cable bill.)
A: “One man… you go high enough you always come to one man… who?”
– Porter (Mel Gibson)

Q: What should you tell a friend who is down in the dumps?
A: “Don’t let the bastards get ya’ down.”
– Stegman (David Paymer)

Q: What should you say to some fool in your life who likes to go around flexing their muscles?
A: “I think you are the strongest man I have ever met. But I wonder if it’s enough.”
– Rosie (Maria Bello)

Q: What should you say to someone who is being an absolute idiot?
A: “There’s an old expression that’s served me well: “Do not shit where you eat.””
– Carter (William Devane)

Q: What should you say when someone is complaining about losing something in their life?  (This is guaranteed* to make them feel better.)
A: “$70,000? Hell, my suits are worth more than that!”
– Fairfax (James Coburn)

(*Nothing is actually guaranteed.)

Q: What should you say to the most stubborn person you know when they are about to do something ridiculous?
A: “I think all those stories about you being dead are true. You’re just too thick-headed to admit it.”
– Rosie (Maria Bello)

Q: What should you say to someone who is tongue-tied?
A: “Cat got your crotch. Hmmm?”
– Porter (Mel Gibson)


Ah, another classic.  Not quite the Redford and Newman classics, but they can’t all be, can they.  Statement, not a question.  Here there be gun battles, car chases, sarcasm, a few deaths and everything you need to have a perfect action adventure, including a few monsters.  Thanks for playing along.

have a bawl

I was tired this morning on my way too work, and when I’m tired I find I’m more emotional (read: I cry a whole lot easier) than when I’m fully rested.

That’s right, I cry. I have no problem admitting that.

We aren’t talking full on sob sessions (and so what if we were), but my eyes will water up and spill over the edges on occasion while watching movies, reading books, listening to music, telling stories…  It happens.

This morning, listening to Bruce Springsteen sing “This Hard Land,” I had to wipe my eyes:

Hey frank won’t ya pack your bags
And meet me tonight down at liberty hall
Just one kiss from you my brother
And we’ll ride until we fall
We’ll sleep in the fields
We’ll sleep by the rivers and in the morning
We’ll make a plan
Well if you can’t make it
Stay hard, stay hungry, stay alive
If you can
And meet me in a dream of this hard land

There are a couple things going on here:

First, he is calling out “Frank,” which always brings to mind “Jessie.”  (You know, Frank and Jessie James.)  So, there’s history, and family, and life and death, and all the romance I ascribe to the old west all rolled into that one word.  Who among us hasn’t made believe at one time in our lives that we were these notorious outlaws robbing a bank or train, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, watching each other’s backs, protected by family and friends and tradition?  So, with all that now running through my head, we proceed into the rest of the stanza.

The second hit comes from: “Just one kiss from you my brother, and we’ll ride until we fall.”  I haven’t always been close with my brother, there were a couple years where we didn’t talk much at all.  But, since then, we have become much closer.  This line resonates with me.  I know, either way, if one of us needed the other, we’d be there to whatever end.  Without question.  Without complaint.  Guns blazing if needed.  At this point I can already feel the pressure behind my eyes as my tear ducts are starting to do there thing.

Then it all comes together with the third and final stressor on my (fragile?) emotional state with the final lines: “stay alive, if you can, and meet me in a dream of this hard land.”  If you can?  If you can!  That’s it, I’m done, I can’t stop the tears from coming.  Life is a struggle, there are always going to be challenges, but there is hope, there is something wonderful about meeting those adventures head on with someone by your side, there is more going on in those lines than I have the words to capture.

From there, on my drive, I moved on to thinking about the other lines from my life that I can’t help but cry when I hear them (see them):

For Love of the Game – written on the baseball – “Tell them I’m through, ‘for love of the game’, Billy Chapel”

Schindler’s List – Oskar Schindler (Liam Neeson) – “I could have got more out. I could have got more. I don’t know. If I’d just… I could have got more.”

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers – Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen) – “Ride out with me. Ride out and meet them.”

The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance – Jason Tully (Willis Bouchey) – “Nothing’s too good for the man who shot Liberty Valance.”

Zulu – Adendorff (Gert van den Bergh) –  “They’re… they’re saluting you. They’re saluting fellow braves. They’re saluting you.”

Five seems like enough for today.  And now, of course, I want to watch each of these films again.  If you haven’t seen them, add them to your must watch lists.  That’s an official kingdom proclamation.

Q and A Classics

And so it is that we embark on another adventure of Q and A silliness.  This time we will be pulling out the classics.  Well, not all of them, there’s no way we have time for that here.  (But that does give me an idea of another spin-off…)

Confused?  The first time stopping by the kingdom on a Friday?  The rest of the movie quoting madness can be found here.

Over the years I’ve incorporated a lot of movie dialogue into my day-to-day lingo.  And what better place to pull quotes from than those films considered the best of the best.

Q: What do you say to your very best frenemy?
A: “You know, Rick, I have many a friend in Casablanca, but somehow, just because you despise me, you are the only one I trust.”
– Ugarte (Peter Lorre) – Casablanca

Q: What do you say when someone says you shouldn’t do something because it would “look bad?”
A: “With enough courage, you can do without a reputation.”
– Rhett Butler (Clark Gable) – Gone With the Wind

Q: What do you respond with when someone asks if you understand them?
A: “As an unmuddied lake, Fred. As clear as an azure sky of deepest summer. You can rely on me, Fred.”
– Alex (Malcolm McDowell) – A Clockwork Orange

Q: What do you say to someone who is slowing you down?
A: “Get out of my way son, you’re usin’ my oxygen.”
– McMurphy (Jack Nicholson) – One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

Q: What do you answer when someone asks about the person you are living with?
A: “We occupy the same cage, that’s all.”
– Maggie (Elizabeth Taylor) – Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

Q: What do you say to someone who has lied, cheated, or stolen their way to prosperity?
A: “Not only are you a cheat, you’re a gutless cheat as well.”
– Doyle Lonnegan (Robert Shaw) – The Sting

Q: What do you say when you are sticking up for something a friend claims he can do?
A: “My boy says he can eat fifty eggs, he can eat fifty eggs.”
– Dragline (George Kennedy) – Cool Hand Luke

Q: What should you say anytime and every time you get the chance?
A: “It’s indecently brilliant.”
– MacDonald (Gordon Jackson) – The Great Escapae

Q: What should you say when you feel peer pressure easing you into doing something you don’t want to do?
A: “Not that I mind a slight case of abduction now and then, but I have tickets for the theater this evening, to a show I was looking forward to and I get, well, kind of *unreasonable* about things like that.”
– Roger Thornhill (Cary Grant) – North by Northwest

Q: What do you say when someone asks what you are lugging around in your purse, backpack, or fanny-pack?
A: “Survival kit contents check. In them you’ll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days’ concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a fella’ could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.”
– Major T.J. “King” Kong (Slim Pickens) – Dr. Strangelove or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

(That’s right, fanny-pack, you know you have one.  Don’t be embarrased.  They are indecently brilliant!)

(Did you see what I did there?)


Do you think my bit of silliness regarding “the classics” will become a classic itself?  You don’t?!  Well, I don’t either it, but it sure was fun while it lasted.  Thanks for playing along.  Never forget, here there be monsters, and really really really talented actors and actresses and a few world class scripts too.  These monsters are golden.