Q and A Kiss

Another week, and another Q and A put together because one of the faithful kingdomites asked for a movie specifically.  This week’s set, all quotes from the movie French Kiss, was thrown together based on a request from Jodi Lea.

Do you have a movie you’d like me include in these Q and A sessions?  Or a theme?  Or a specific actor?  Let me know in the comments and I’ll see what I can put together for you.

(All previous Q and A iterations are here.)

As a reminder:  The Q’s are life situations you may find yourself in, and the A’s are the corresponding quotes from movies that you could considering using in those situations if you were mad like me.  But, I am a professional Jester, so take that into consideration before trying them on your own.

*WARNING – this Q and A is less “PG” than some – it’s not terrible, but there are some words that may not be child friendly if you are concerned about such things.*

Q: What should you say when someone asks what your talent is?
A: “For me, bullshit is like breathing.”
– Luc (Kevin Kline)

Q: What should you ask when someone is bemoaning the fact they had a bad night at the tables?
A: “You lost your birthright in one hand of poker?”
– Kate (Meg Ryan)

Q: What should you say when someone you don’t like is complaining about someone else you don’t like?
A: “Of course you know him. All you bastards know each other.”
– Kate (Meg Ryan)

Q: What should you say when a friend is going on and on about how perfect everything is for them at the moment?
A: “When people tell me they are happy, my ass begins to twitch.”
– Luc (Kevin Kline)

Q: What should you say when someone asks if you’ve seen the most recent French film that is gaining notoriety at all the film festivals?
A: “Those French. They hate us, they smoke, they have a whole relationship with dairy products I don’t understand.”
– Kate (Meg Ryan)

Q: What should you say when someone asks how your blind date went?
A: “I met this woman, this apparition, this goddesse.”
– Charlie (Timothy Hutton)

Q: What should you say when someone asks why you don’t like to fly?
A: “I get around as nature intended: in a car.”
– Kate (Meg Ryan)

Q: What should you respond when someone asks if you like them?
A: “I like you. But I don’t like the way you say with your face all scrunched up, “you’re French, aren’t you?” And then I don’t like how you say, with your eyes all squinty, “all men are bastards.””
– Luc (Kevin Kline)

Q: What should you say when there is announcement on a plane and the person sitting next to you asks what it was (they missed it because they were too busy playing with their iDevice)?
A: “The pilot said there is a crack in the engine, but not to worry, he’ll take off anyway.”
– Luc (Kevin Kline)

Q: What should you retort when that same persons says, “I guess I should pay attention”?
A: “Maybe if you did, you wouldn’t have that little problem we’re not supposed to talk about.”
– Kate (Meg Ryan)

………

A great film with top class actors to be sure, but still, for the simple plot this one could also have been included in the “films that punch above their weight series.”  As far as rom-coms go, this one offers a depth and script above and beyond.  That could just be due to the performance of Meg Ryan and Kevin Kline though.  What do you think?  Here there be jewelry thieves and silliness and love, above all else there is love, and some monsters too.  Thanks for playing along.

Aspen Q and A Patrol

This week’s theme is also fairly evident, if you haven’t figured it out just based on the post title, it’s all quotes from Aspen Extreme and Ski Patrol – two ski movies on opposite ends of the film spectrum.  This series was thrown together based on a request from El Guapo.

Do you have a movie you’d like me include in these Q and A sessions?  Or a theme?  Or a specific actor?  Let me know in the comments and I’ll see what I can put together for you.

(All previous Q and A iterations are here.)

As a reminder:  The Q’s are life situations you may find yourself in, and the A’s are the corresponding quotes from movies that you could considering using in those situations if you were mad like me.  But, I am a professional Jester, so take that into consideration before trying them on your own.

*Disclaimer – I started out trying to make these quotes about life… and it ended up being more about death… so, it’s a bit morbid… but, hopefully in a funny way.  When read as a single unit, the Q’s and A’s should tell a story.  Let me know how I did in the comments.*

Q: What slogan should you live your life by?
A: “Taste death, live life.”
– Suicide (Sean Sullivan)

Q: What should you say when someone asks you what it’s like to be an adult?
A: “Shootin’ The Hole is just like makin’ love.”
– Iceman (T.K. Carter)

Q: What should you say when someone is annoying you?
A: “Shut up, Myron!”
– Murray (Leslie Jordan)

Q: What should you say when someone asks how you are doing?
A: “All we need is a kick-ass dancer…”
– Iceman (T.K. Carter)

Q: What should you say when someone says you aren’t looking too good (implying that you are getting close to kicking the bucket)?
A: “I don’t kick anything!”
– Stanley (Paul Feig)

Q: What should you say when you are standing over a coffin?
A: “The next time you leave, I’ll expect you to say goodbye.”
– Bryce Kellogg (Finola Hughes)

Q: What should you say when someone comments on how nice that coffin looks?
A: “Yeah, but they’re not from Detroit.”
– T.J. Burke (Paul Gross)

Q: What should you say while doing a view of the open casket?
A: “What’s with these pants, Teej?”
– Dexter Rutecki (Peter Berg)

Q: What should you say when someone asks what happened?
A: “Skiing’s the easy part, Carl.”
– T.J. Burke (Paul Gross)

Q: What should you say when they ask for more clarification?
A: “Who’s got a law against ugly women?”
– Dexter Rutecki (Peter Berg)

………

I had snow on the brain again, but we can blame senior guap for that this week.  I still can’t wait to get on the slopes this winter, maybe I’ll strap the little prince to my back so he can experience the thrill of strapping yourself to a piece of plastic and throwing yourself off the side of a mountain too.  What do you mean that’s a bad idea?  Here there be rocket skis and figure eight competitions, some comedy, some tragedy, some love and plenty of monsters like always.  Thanks for playing along.

another silly Q and A

You’ll never guess what this week’s Q and A theme is.  Nope.  Never.  Wait, you already figured it out?  Boo.  Well, fine, be that way.  I’m going to post it anyway.

(All other Q and A silliness can be found here.)

As a reminder:  The Q’s are life situations you may find yourself in, and the A’s are the corresponding quotes from movies that you could considering using in those situations if you were mad like me.  But, I am a professional Jester, so take that into consideration before trying them on your own.

Q: What should you say when someone asks what religion you are?
A: “Religion divides people. Belief in something unites them.”
– Flight of the Phoenix – Rady (Kevork Malikyan)

Q: What should you say when someone asks you do to them a favor that will probably get you in trouble?
A: “Sir, if they found out they’d put my hot dog in a bun and chow down.”
– Memphis Belle – Clay Busby (Harry Connick Jr.)

Q: What should you say when you are doing roll call in your family car before heading out on a trip?
A: “A teddy bear does not constitute an inaccurate passenger manifest.”
– Flightplan – Captain Rich (Sean Bean)

Q: What should you say when your wife asks you to help pick out the new paint colors for the kitchen?
A: “Always bet on black!”
– Passenger 57 – John Cutter (Wesley Snipes)

Q: What should you say when you find yourself making one bad decision after another?
A: “Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.”
– Airplane! – Steve McCroskey (Lloyd Bridges)

Q: What should you say when someone asks what you want to do when you grow up?
A: “What arrogance… to think you could ever understand my intentions!”
– Air Force One – Ivan Korshunov (Gary Oldman)

Q: What should you say when you are shopping and someone’s grocery cart is blocking the aisle?
A: “Excuse me, I don’t mean to intrude, but could you move your ass, dear?”
– Airport ’77 – Karen Wallace (Lee Grant)

Q: What should you say when you are at the bar and aren’t sure what you should order?
A: “I’ll have what he’s having. Hemlock, is it?”
– Top Gun – Charlie (Kelly McGillis)

Q: What should you say when you walk into the bar and you are the only person there?
A: “Hey everybody. Drinks are on me.”
– Hot Shots! – Kent Gregory (Cary Elwes)

Q: What should you say when you find yourself doing a thankless job and you are trying to remember how you got there?
A: “We weren’t assigned. We were requested.”
– The Tuskegee Airmen – Lt. Col. Benjamin O. Davis (Andre Braugher)

………

Did you are did you not figure out theme?  We here in the kingdom have been doing a bit of traveling this year and that may or may not have factored into this week’s theme.  For giggles let’s say that wasn’t a factor at all.  I know you believe me.  Here there be planes, planes, and planes with nary a monster in sight.  Thanks for playing along.

Silver Q and A

And on and on we go, tackling moves that punch above their weight, only this time I will try not to offend anyone…

Maybe…

(Not sure what’s going on, start here and all* of life’s mysteries will be revealed to you.)

*I highly doubt this is a factual statement, but strangers things have happened.

Let’s see what I’ve learned and used from “Silverado.”

It’s me.  You knew I’d have to do a western at some point…

Q: What should you say when you realize you should stop before you do something foolish?
A: “Today, my jurisdiction ends here. Pick up my hat.”
– Sheriff Langston (John Cleese)

Q: What should you say when someone doesn’t believe you will keep your word?
A: “Well, if we don’t you can keep my brother.”
– Emmett (Scott Glenn)

Q: What you should you say to your closest friends every chance you get?
A: “You know, hangin’ around with you is no picnic.”
– Paden (Kevin Kline)

Q: What should you say when someone asks the best time to reach you?
A: “I’m always there, but I only shine at night.”
– Stella (Linda Hunt)

Q: What should you say when someone is pestering you, a telemarketer for example?
A: “I got things to do, kid, I’m a busy man.”
– Jake (Kevin Costner)

Q: What should you say when you’ve caught someone in the act of doing something you aren’t very happy about?
A: “We’re gonna give you a fair trial, followed by a first class hanging.”
– Cobb (Brian Dennehy)

Q: What should you say when you are about to start a neighborhood block party?
A: “I got my people down there throwin’ snowballs and rarin’ to go.”
– Hobart (Brion James)

Q: What should you say when you get home from work and you are handed the honey-do list?
A: “I wanted a drink and a bed. I guess I came to the wrong place.”
– Mal (Danny Glover)

Q: What should you say when someone asks what you want out of life?
A: “I want to build something. Make things grow. That takes hard work. A lifetime of it. That’s not why a man comes to a pretty woman. After a while I won’t be so pretty. But this land will be.”
– Hannah (Rosanna Arquette)

Q: What should you say when you walk into the employment office to look for a job?
A: “Excuse me, Sheriff, I’m a gambler who’d like to run an honest game in your town. To whom do I speak about that?”
– Slick (Jeff Goldblum)

………

To prove the point of how awesome this movie is I only used one quote from each character.  Did you see those names?  Jeff Goldblum, Kevin Kline, Kevin Costner, Danny Glover, John Cleese…  This movie is fantastic.  Here there be gun battles, love, devotion, bravery, chivalry, and all kinds of western bravado including more than a few monsters.  Thanks for playing along.

It’s all gone Q and A

Continuing this week on the new theme where I highlight a film that punches above it’s weight, today, we are going to see what I’ve learned from a deaf DJ in It’s All Gone Pete Tong.

(All previous iterations of the Q and A silliness can be found here.  As if you didn’t already know that.  Let’s make a game of it.  Who can collect them all first?)

(Wait?  What?)

(Never mind.)

Some of these may not be suitable for small children, the elderly, and anyone who gets offended easily.  You’ve been warned.  Just as you were warned last week.

Q: What should you say when you have an amazing life experience and are considering how to profit from it?
A: “Maybe I should write a book. That might take years though, perhaps a pamphlet or brochure.”
– Frankie Wilde (Paul Kaye)

Q: What should you say to someone who sounds terrible?
A: “You’re talking like a 95 year old war vet. Frank, you need professional help.”
– Max Haggar (Mike Wilmot)

Q: What should you say when someone asks you about your newest musical endeavor?
A: “We’re bending the sounds. I’ve been forging it. With a lyrical smelter.”
– Frankie Wilde (Paul Kaye)

Q: You find yourself in an important meeting, your coworker has just basically told off your boss after being asking provide something and you need to smooth things over, what do you say?
A: “I think what he’s trying to say is even though he feels that he has nothing to prove to you, he’d be happy to prove anything you want, to you.”
– Max Haggar (Mike Wilmot)

Q: What should you say when someone asks you what your favorite type of footwear is?
A: “Flip flop is to me perfection.”
– Frankie Wilde (Paul Kaye)

Q: What should you say when your parents ask you about someone you used to hang out with back in school?
A: “I’ve heard some stories. This guy supposedly saw him in New York wearing a garbage bag for a hat and shoeboxes on his feet and he had a rock, and he was trying to eat it like a sandwich.”
– Max Haggar (Mike Wilmot)

Q: What should you say when someone asks what you plan on doing with your life?
A: “I was thinking, you know Paul Newman’s got his salad dressing and that? So why not Frankie Wilde Hummus?”
– Frankie Wilde (Paul Kaye)

Q: What should you say when someone asks how you could have made a certain decision against them?
A: “Well, business is tough and sometimes you have to make awkward decisions and I’ve made harder decisions than dropping the deaf DJ.”
– Jack Stoddart (Neil Maskell)

Q: What should you say when you are out at a club, hammered, and someone asks what you are doing?
A: “No, I’m not gonna fuck her. I’m knackered. I’m just gonna have a nosh.”
– Frankie Wilde (Paul Kaye)

Q: You are sitting poolside, enjoying a refreshing beverage, and someone interrupts you to ask how your drink is, what should you respond?
A: “It’s like bad speed in a can. We’ve all had bad speed haven’t we?”
– Frankie Wilde (Paul Kaye)

A whole bunch of silly, and then bam-bam, hit you with two offensive ones at the end.  Well, I warned you at the top, didn’t I?  *scrolls up to double check*  Yes, yes I did.

………

Have you watched this movie?  I was shocked at how much I liked it.  After having previously watched “Go” and “Groove” I was expecting something silly and mostly terrible.  And I wasn’t disappointed.  It is silly, it is terrible, and it is fantastic.  Here there be drugs, and beats, and redemption again, and love, and one badger monster.  Thanks for playing along.