a return to a new adventure

I haven’t posted in a bit… a long bit…
There was real consideration given to the notion of walking away completely. I’m not sure why I didn’t… I’m not sure why I would…
To say that things in the Kingdom have been hectic recently would be an understatement.

Change.

It happens.

The Queen and I (and the Little and Littler Princes to an extent) are being forced to change right along with all the upheaval around us. Some of it has been good. Some of it has been sad. Some of it has felt like a betrayal to loyal friends… (Look at me vaguebooking like a pro.)
And all of that is to say that I know there is no expectation on when I might post again – the days of having a weekly routine where all my faithful kingdomites knew what type of post they’d find waiting for them in their feeds have been a thing of the past for years now – YEARS – but that doesn’t quell the guilt I feel for leaving this space static, un-updated, left behind. Which is why I almost left.

I’ve been shedding the parts of my life that bring me stress to reduce my responsibilities down to the core things that are needed to keep my family happy and healthy (including myself). Stress had been making me sick. I’d stretched myself thin trying to be too many things for too many people. And yet, I found that my blog didn’t need to be on that chopping block.

There is guilt, yes, when I realize it has been months since I posted last. But, that’s okay. Over time, this wonderful Kingdom has returned to what it was when I first started blogging over five years ago… a place for me to play with words and see what comes of them. No expectations from all of you. No expectations from myself.

I have no idea how that will play out.

And that’s okay.

It is an adventure after all… why would I want to know how it ends?

rip that bandaid off

There have been several key moments in my life when I realized a change was needed.  Once that determination had been made, rather than make the change incrementally so it would hurt less, like slowly removing a bandaid, I made the decision and put it into action all at once.    The pain may have been more intense initially, like ripping off a bandaid, but it helped the healing begin quicker.

You want an example to give my claim merit? 

You aren’t just going to take my word for it?

Hmm…  I’m not ready to share most of those stories.  Eventually I hope to talk about all of them on here, but that day is not today.  (Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.)

…  I met someone on the first day of college.  She was unlike anyone I had met before and I was captivated by her.  I courted her (yes, I just used “courted” – get over it) for all of freshman year and she eventually agreed to date me the summer before sophomore year.  We dated exclusively for the following three years until our Senior year I proposed to her, and she said yes.  We didn’t set a date and weren’t in any sort of rush to do so because we knew we were still young and had plenty of time to plan things out depending on where life took us after graduation. 

After walking across the stage and receiving our diplomas we both found work locally and entered the real world.  Our dynamic changed…  and it changed very quickly.  Who we were in college, as students, was not who we were growing into as contributing members of society, as adults.  I could see us heading in opposite directions.  I could sense both of our needs to pull away and so, before Thanksgiving, less than five months after graduating I called an end to our engagement and an end to our relationship.  The decision was made and acted upon within 24 hours.

It hurt, but it was the right thing to do.  If we had dragged it out it would have only ended up hurting us, and those around us, more in the long run. 

I spiraled for awhile, trying to find some happiness (and occasionally looking for it in the wrong places) and eventually I forced myself to stop, tune out everything else and determine what I wanted out of life – the two or so key things that I needed to be happy.  Once I shut everything else out the answer came to me quite easily… but that is also a story for a different day.

I met the silly, crazy, wonderful woman who would eventually be my wife some 2 years later.   The friend of the sister of a roommate – she walked through my front door late one Friday evening to hang out with the sister who was in town visiting her brother… and I thought to myself, “Who is this?!”  After hanging out with her all weekend I was talking to a family member about it and I said, “There is something about her…”

We’ve been married almost 4 years now.  I can’t imagine my life without her.