Please welcome back Revis Edegewater who is going to dazzle you all with the some information that has never previously been disclosed about… well… perhaps you better just read what he has to say:
We here at Stuph Blog, and 33 Grams of Blog (and any other blog I happen to be writing for at the moment. What? It’s just those two? Are you sure? It seems like a lot more than that), would like to congratulate the Jester once again on the birth of the Prince. I wish them all the best. Unfortunately, the birth of the Prince raises a question. It might be a question that you yourself has asked (or someone else could have already asked it and I just wasn’t paying attention). The question is this: “How does a jester have a prince for a son?”
Let me clarify by saying that I do not doubt that the Prince is royalty. Clearly, he is. If you look at the history of every monarchy, however, you will see that no prince before has ever been fathered by a jester. This got me thinking into how this could’ve happened. I think it went a little something like this (I haven’t decided yet if what I’m about to tell you is a true story.)
A LONG TIME AGO, IN A KINGDOM A MOUSE-CLICK AWAY…
…there lived a beautiful queen. The queen was becoming impatient with her subjects. They were frustrated at her lack of progress in finding the kingdom a king and each day they were becoming more vocal about it. She was trying her best, but every man she met turned out to be a giant tool. Call her crazy, but she didn’t want her, or her kingdom, to be stuck with a giant tool for the duration of his life. Days passed. Those days turned into weeks, the weeks into months, the months into years. Eventually, the talk of her subjects was too much for her to take.
She sat in her ballroom pondering what to do, when suddenly it hit her. Just to shut those stupid commoners up, she’d simply marry the first man she came across who wasn’t a giant tool. As fate would have it, that night her cousin had arranged for a new court jester to play for the evening’s entertainment. When her cousin announced his presence, it jarred her out of her thoughts. She looked him over as he began his act. She thought he was kind of cute. He made her laugh, even though he used the oldest joke in the book, “That is what she hath said.” All-in-all, she liked him.
She also remembered that she had read a poll taken by the kingdom scribe, Kosmo Politan, that said the majority of women found a man with a sense of humor sexy (although she thought that was about as likely as a man who liked a woman for her personality). After his performance, she asked him to dinner the following night and their courtship began.
She eventually found that she liked the Jester for more than his sense of humor, and he thanked his lucky stars every night that a woman as beautiful as the Queen would ever even notice him, let alone court him (you’re welcome, Jester). A year later, they were married. Because he was not of noble birth, the Queen decided not to call him her King, instead leaving him with the title of Jester. When their son was born, however, he remained royalty, and was dubbed the “most awesome Prince in the land”.
After reading that, I’ve decided to make that a true story. The Jester may disagree with that. but, seriously, who are you going to believe? The story-teller, or the guy who was actually there?
PS: If you replace the word “Jester” with the words “Zombie-Killing Rogue” in that story, you will also know how Revis’ daughter was born a princess, even though her father isn’t a king.
I for one would believe the story-teller because as we all know, the truth is what gets passed down from generation to generation, the truth is what remains as the years pass and the people that lived the events vanish into history, and the truth doesn’t always have to be what actually happened.
Thank you, Revis, for answering the question I’m sure many in the kingdom had been asking themselves. I would have told the story myself, perhaps this one and perhaps something slightly different, if… er, um, well… no, I probably never would have told this story.
But, now that you’ve all read a story about the kingdom, you should definitely go read some of the other stories that Revis is working on:
And one where he makes you write: