Guest Post: Revis tells the truth

Please welcome back Revis Edegewater who is going to dazzle you all with the some information that has never previously been disclosed about… well… perhaps you better just read what he has to say:

We here at Stuph Blog, and 33 Grams of Blog (and any other blog I happen to be writing for at the moment. What? It’s just those two? Are you sure? It seems like a lot more than that), would like to congratulate the Jester once again on the birth of the Prince. I wish them all the best. Unfortunately, the birth of the Prince raises a question. It might be a question that you yourself has asked (or someone else could have already asked it and I just wasn’t paying attention). The question is this: “How does a jester have a prince for a son?”

Let me clarify by saying that I do not doubt that the Prince is royalty. Clearly, he is. If you look at the history of every monarchy, however, you will see that no prince before has ever been fathered by a jester. This got me thinking into how this could’ve happened. I think it went a little something like this (I haven’t decided yet if what I’m about to tell you is a true story.)

A LONG TIME AGO, IN A KINGDOM A MOUSE-CLICK AWAY…

…there lived a beautiful queen. The queen was becoming impatient with her subjects. They were frustrated at her lack of progress in finding the kingdom a king and each day they were becoming more vocal about it. She was trying her best, but every man she met turned out to be a giant tool. Call her crazy, but she didn’t want her, or her kingdom, to be stuck with a giant tool for the duration of his life. Days passed. Those days turned into weeks, the weeks into months, the months into years. Eventually, the talk of her subjects was too much for her to take.

She sat in her ballroom pondering what to do, when suddenly it hit her. Just to shut those stupid commoners up, she’d simply marry the first man she came across who wasn’t a giant tool. As fate would have it, that night her cousin had arranged for a new court jester to play for the evening’s entertainment. When her cousin announced his presence, it jarred her out of her thoughts. She looked him over as he began his act. She thought he was kind of cute. He made her laugh, even though he used the oldest joke in the book, “That is what she hath said.” All-in-all, she liked him.

She also remembered that she had read a poll taken by the kingdom scribe, Kosmo Politan, that said the majority of women found a man with a sense of humor sexy (although she thought that was about as likely as a man who liked a woman for her personality). After his performance, she asked him to dinner the following night and their courtship began.

She eventually found that she liked the Jester for more than his sense of humor, and he thanked his lucky stars every night that a woman as beautiful as the Queen would ever even notice him, let alone court him (you’re welcome, Jester). A year later, they were married. Because he was not of noble birth, the Queen decided not to call him her King, instead leaving him with the title of Jester. When their son was born, however, he remained royalty, and was dubbed the “most awesome Prince in the land”.

THE END

After reading that, I’ve decided to make that a true story. The Jester may disagree with that. but, seriously, who are you going to believe? The story-teller, or the guy who was actually there?

PS: If you replace the word “Jester” with the words “Zombie-Killing Rogue” in that story, you will also know how Revis’ daughter was born a princess, even though  her father isn’t a king.

……….

I for one would believe the story-teller because as we all know, the truth is what gets passed down from generation to generation, the truth is what remains as the years pass and the people that lived the events vanish into history, and the truth doesn’t always have to be what actually happened.

Thank you, Revis, for answering the question I’m sure many in the kingdom had been asking themselves.  I would have told the story myself, perhaps this one and perhaps something slightly different, if… er, um, well… no, I probably never would have told this story.

But, now that you’ve all read a story about the kingdom, you should definitely go read some of the other stories that Revis is working on:
http://revisedgewater.wordpress.com/2013/04/06/the-evolution-of-my-geekdom-part-1/
http://revisedgewater.wordpress.com/2013/02/16/ff-fall-of-troy-part-1/

And one where he makes you write:
http://revisedgewater.wordpress.com/2013/04/25/a-revis-prompt/

Guest Post – Revis Edgewater brings forth some wisdom

I asked Revis from 33 grams of blog to come and hang out in the kingdom for the a day.  I was expectin awesome, because that is what Revis consistently provides, and I should say that I wasn’t disappointed either.  You might even say that Revis provided 33 grams of awesome:

When the wonderful Jester asked me if I wanted to guest post, the original idea was a post all about how awesome I am. While a post telling everyone about my greatness would be the truth, I cannot do it for a couple of reasons. One, if I’m the one to tell you that I kick ass, you’d be less likely to believe it. Second, if you read my stuph, and don’t come to that conclusion on your own, I’m probably not as great as I think I am.

Therefore, what I have decided to do is enlighten all of you about other things. I’m going to make a list of things that I have learned from watching movies. I’m sure that every one of these things will help you out in your day-to-day life on a regular basis.

■Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, no matter how crazy they are.
■Matthew McConaughey may get older, but high school girls stay the same age.
■Leonardo DiCaprio dying doesn’t guarantee a good movie, but it certainly helps.
■Shaq made most of his money playing in college.
■If you have a problem, call Houston.
■When Laurence Fishburne gives you a pill, the next thing you know you’ll be tripping, and then you’ll wake up naked.
■Beware the Groove!
■Don’t piss off Bruce Willis, Liam Neeson, or Harrison Ford. Bad things happen to you if you do that.
■ The difference between me and Will Smith is that Will Smith makes this look good.
■Some men are longer than others.
■Chris Evans or Ryan Reynolds have to be in almost every superhero movie.
■When Russell Crowe gives the signal, we should unleash hell.
■Her chastity belt will chafe your Willie.
■Arnold will always be back.
■Dark Helmet always drinks coffee when looking at radar.
■And, finally, those aren’t the droids we’re looking for.

I hope you’ve all learned a little something. I know I did.

…..

Need more wisdom?  Of course you do.  Plus, now you have to go and figure out if all this talk of awesomeness is correct or not.  It is, but we here at the kindgom encourage you to determine that for yourself, and we suggest starting here:
http://revisedgewater.wordpress.com/2013/03/04/just-a-little-something-i-noticed/
http://revisedgewater.wordpress.com/2013/01/13/the-adventures-of-captain-procrastination-part-3/
http://revisedgewater.wordpress.com/2013/02/16/ff-fall-of-troy-part-1/

above and beyond

Okay, raise your hand if you are familiar with a dinosaur named Rara?

Oh, you all already know her?  Well that’s convenient, not surprising, but convenient.

Still, you should go show her some Rawr love (as she would say) because she has truly gone above and beyond.  (You are following her on Twitter, too, right?)

Did you know she sent out Valentines to anyone who wanted one?  How awesome is that, right?  I’m not even sure that awesome begins to cover it.

Cute little Valentine's monsters.
Cute little Valentine’s monsters.

She didn’t just send me one either, she sent one for my wife.  Did I mention the above and beyondness of all of this?  Oh, I have?  Great, glad we covered that.  Honestly, I’m not sure what you are still doing here.  Go check out her site, right now!

what’s in a name?

Continuing with the “supernatural” theme…

If you haven’t had a chance to read about George yet, you should probably do that.  (And while you are there I’m sure that Rara would be perfectly happy if you kicked your shoes off, made yourself at home and stayed awhile.  But that’s a little off topic.

We’re gathered together here today to talk about the origin of “George.”  No, not George the ghost, George of the Jungle, George Washington or George Washington Carver, or even George Gerswhin.  (Really, his first name is George, who knew?)  Rather, we are here to talk about how my George came to be called by that name:

A long, long time ago, I can still remember how that music used to … oh, that’s the wrong story.  Sorry about that, let me start again:

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far…  dangit, also the wrong story.  Hang on a second.

…….

INTERMISSION MUSIC

*We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties, please bear with us as we work to quickly resolve the issue.  Your regularly scheduled programming will resume shortly.*

INTERMISSION MUSIC

*We seem to be experie…

……

Sorry about that, here we go:

My maternal grandmother was a firecracker.  Sweet, caring, truly wonderful, and absolutely snarky.  (Hmm, I don’t really like that definition, and this one isn’t much better.  Maybe that word doesn’t mean what I think it means.  That would be downright inconceivable.)  She was silly and unapologetic and forgetful.  Throw into the mix the fact that my brother and I both have names that start with “M.”  When I came around she would sometimes accidentally call me Mikicus and sometimes call me Mi-atticus and then she would laugh and say, “That’s it, I’m just going to call you George.” 

And then there were two more grandchildren after me and they too became Georges.  Eventually everyone in the family was labeled with that moniker at one time or another.

When the ghost started showing up in our house, and he needed a more formal designation than just “ghost,” there was only one logical thing we could do.  (*Please kneel.  We dub thee “George,” the official ghost of this realm.  Long may you haunt these halls.*)

Now you know…  I feel like there are several sayings that go along with that, but you already know those.  So, for fun, if you want to play along, leave an idea of how to finish “Now you know…” in the comments. 

What?  You want an example?  Needy.  Fine.  Here:  Now you know and knowing is as awesome as eating a taco.