Revis and Matticus Save the Kingdom

FaithHopeChocolate has shared an adventure that she and Steph lived through as part of Revis and I saving the Kingdom. Pop on over and have a read.

Stories from the Chocolaterie

Revis & Matticus are trying to Save the Kingdom from the Sparkly Vampires and the “Evil” Jaded.  This is what happened just after Chapter 26, when Revis and The Jester left FaithHopeChocolate (ie, me) and Steph at the rebel camp just outside Bruges…



Steph turned to Faith with a scowl on her face. “Typical. We bust everything to get them out and then they scarper.”

Faith smiled, a slightly annoying, enigmatic, knowing and calm sort of smile. “It’s OK, Steph. We can handle it. Have you forgotten where the Mother House of my Order is?”

Steph looked a bit puzzled. Faith sighed.

“Whitby, Yorkshire, England. Where Dracula so helpfully came ashore from Transylvania. Which is why there’s been at least one Religious Community in the area for the last several hundred years, and the reason for the founding of the Order -”

“- Is really vampire…

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Revis and Matticus Save the Kingdom, Chapter 30

Wow… Can you believe we’ve written 30 chapters, er, um, I mean… Can you believe that Revis and I have survived this long in our quest to save the kingdom?
Yeah… no fourth wall breakage there…
Anyway, click on over to see what happens next. Spoiler alerts – there are cloaks and daggers and the unveiling of the mastermind behind the rampaging sparkly vampires.

33 Grams of Blog

“Get out of my wife’s chair,” Matticus seethed.  His right hand reached for his sword, but Revis grabbed his arm before the steel could clear the sheath.

“I quite like it here,” Jaded quipped, flashing her now human teeth in a twisted grin, “I think I’ll stay.”

The sight of of someone other than The Queen sitting on the throne was so disturbing to the Jester that he began to fight against his Knight’s grip.  He wanted to free himself so he could tear Jaded apart and while he could hear Revis whispering furtively into his ear to calm down because it was likely a trap, the words meant nothing to him.  Matticus was lost to his rage.

Revis considered knocking his liege upside his royal head, but wasn’t sure he’d be able to strike swift enough if he let the Jester loose before Matticus was out of his reach. …

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Revis and Matticus Save the Kingdom, Chapter 29

As he listened to the back and forth, Matticus realized that Revis was stalling because his Knight was in trouble.  He began to crawl towards the sound of the voices, as quietly as possible, to try and salvage the situation.  However, when he heard that it was a trap to capture him he stopped.  There was something about the way the assailant laughed, something he recognized.

The aha moment came exactly as he felt his arms get grasped and then twisted painfully behind his back, as he was hoisted to his feet.  It was Dani.  She had betrayed them.

The Jester’s mind raced, frantically trying to think of a solution to the current predicament, even as he struggled against the powerful arms that held him in check.

“We’ve got him,” a voice said behind him.

“And now, dear Revis, it is time to die,” Dani said maliciously.

Matticus was horrified to hear the sheer delight in her voice.  He briefly wondered what his Knight had done to draw out such animosity in her even as he was calling out in despair.

Then there was a crack and a thud in quick succession followed by silence.  The arms gripping the Jester slackened a bit as his captors were distracted by something that was obviously a change in the plan.

When Matticus heard Deb speak, he nearly had a heart attack he was so relieved.

“Release the Jester, or you will all die.”

“Do it,” Dani commanded her associates. Then, with glee in her voice, she added, “Too bad, Revis, she didn’t say anything about you.”

Dani stabbed. Her knife sunk into flesh. Blood splattered everywhere. The sound of gagging echoed throughout the room causing Matticus to cringe. “Revis,” he called out, hoping that his Knight wasn’t hurt too badly.

Seconds later, the sounds of gagging drifted away to be replaced by silence. With a laugh, Dani asked, “Who is going to protect you now, Jester?”

Suddenly, light burst into the room when somebody said, “Futbol rules.”

Matticus was confused. It wasn’t until his vision adjusted to the light that he understood what had happened. Revis stood behind Dani, holding the fiery sword at her back. Deb was the one holding onto the Jester’s arms. One of Dani’s helpers laid dead at her feet.

“How….I mean, how….but…”

“Don’t worry about the details,” Revis shrugged at him. “Just care about the outcome.”

As he shook his head at his Knight’s antics, Matticus realized that he knew where they were. They were in the basement of his castle. Of course, that was where they were supposed to be, but after being away for so long, it felt good to finally be home.

The Jester breathed in the familiar smells of home, but then coughed as his nostrils caught odors that didn’t belong.  His home had been overrun.  It was no longer the familiar, the sanctuary, the safe haven for him.  His eyes sought and found Dani’s in the flickering light from the magical sword and he shrugged out of Deb’s grasp, striding towards their would-be betrayer.

“What have you done?  And why!”

Revis brought the sword closer to her garments so she could feel the heat licking off it, and yet her gaze never wavered with fear or uncertainty.  Whatever her reasons were, the threat of dying would not be enough to get her to talk.

Stopping in front of her, Matticus tried to recall every detail about his subject that he could bring to mind, desperate for something that would concern her more than her own life.  When he hit upon it, he couldn’t help the dark smile that twisted his lips.  Using her family against her seemed only fitting considering the threats that had been leveled against his own family.

“How is your wife these days?  Do you have her hidden someplace safe?”

Dani’s eyes bulged and the resolution on her face dropped.  She loved her wife more than anything else in the world.

“It doesn’t matter,” Revis interrupted. “I still have some of that ink left. No matter how good you have her hidden, I can make a portal that will take me right to her.”

With a look of defiance, she stared into Revis’ eyes, “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh, so you and yours can threaten our families, but we can’t do it to you?” When she didn’t answer, the Knight continued, “I won’t like it, but if it means that my family, the Jester’s family, and the rest of the Kingdom is safe, I will do whatever is necessary to get you to talk. And I guarantee that you will like it a lot less than I will.”

While Dani contemplated the Knight’s threat, Deb disarmed the traitor’s cohorts as Matticus tied them up. Violently, the room began to shake. The four people who weren’t tied were able to hold their balance. All of the others fell to the floor.

“There’s our distraction,” Matticus said. “Rara and Grayson are right on time. What should we do with her,” he asked, gesturing to Dani.

Revis turned to walk towards the door. Over his shoulder, he called out, “Kill her.”

Matticus started to object, she may still have been of some use, information or as a bargaining chip, plus there had already been so much needless loss of life in this war.  However, he stayed his retort.  Dani had picked her side.  She had put his family in danger.  She had betrayed her oath.  Her fate was sealed.

Deb was watching the Jester for confirmation of Revis’ command, and he nodded once, solemnly, and then followed his Knight out of the room.  He wasn’t happy about it, but he had made harder decisions in his time ruling the kingdom.

Sprinting to catch up to Revis, Matticus said, “We got a bit lucky back there.  If Deb had been in on the plot too, we’d have been done for.”

Revis didn’t reply.  The knight continued to stride purposefully towards their next objective.  There was work to be done and he didn’t have the time or brain power to waste on the what-ifs of their journey.  Matticus could see that in his face, so the Jester let the matter drop.

Once they reached the main corridor, they slowed down. The two of them began hiding in the shadows as they moved. Matticus noted that there were no guards in the hallways. Dragons made great distractions, apparently.

Just as they reached the throne room, Revis abruptly stopped. Turning back to Matticus he questioned, “You know I was just joking about killing Dani, right?”


“Come on, now. We don’t kill off fellow bloggers.”

“But you cut off Guapo’s head!”

“Ok, so I killed off one fellow blogger. I haven’t killed any more yet, have I?”

“But you said…”

“Relax. I’m sure Deb knew I was kidding.”

“She doesn’t know you!”

“Oh, yeah. Well, I guess it wasn’t a very good joke then, was it?”

The Jester sputtered through an incoherent response. Revis flashed a smile right before he opened the door to the throne room. After the Knight walked through the door, Matticus stopped his sputtering long enough to follow him. As soon as they stepped inside the threshold, the door slammed shut behind them.

“Welcome,” came a voice that they hadn’t heard in a long time. Looking, they saw Jaded sitting on the Queen’s throne. “I’ve been expecting you.”

Revis and Matticus Save the Kingdom Chapter 28

The adventure continues, on and on, and then on somemore, where we’ll stop noone knows. But, seriously, if you could tell us that would be great because I think we are lost… Anyway, pop on over to see where Revis and I head next on our quest to Save the Kingdom.

33 Grams of Blog

After they had spent precious time with their families, Matticus and Revis got back to work. They went over everything they had learned about what had happened while they were gone. Then, they went over it again. What they had learned was not much.

Jaded, and her sorcerer, had led an army of sparkly vampires to the castle. Without the leadership of the First Knight, the rest of the Kingdom’s warriors weren’t prepared to deal with the invaders. They put up a valiant defense, but were overmatched in the end. The Queen and Prince were flown out by Rara right before the castle fell.

Since then, the sparkly vampires had been slowly building up their numbers. Publically, the vampires had only replaced the army, and local law enforcement, with their own. Behind the scenes, however, they were moving their army around. When Grayson showed Revis a map showing where the…

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Revis and Matticus Save the Kingdom Chapter 27

They ran through the forest for nearly an hour before finally stopping for a break. Matticus slumped against a tree, trying to catch his breath. Revis knelt down, his gaze on the ground. Suddenly, the Knight cried out and began punching the forest floor.

Matticus looked at Revis in confusion. “Did the vampires figure out a way to make the ground sparkly?”

After shooting the Jester a look that said that the sarcasm was not appreciated, Revis responded, “I hate having to leave them like that.”

“Then why did we? We could’ve stayed and helped them fight those bastards off.”

“Steph was right. We needed to go. What would happen to the Kingdom if one, or both, of us died while trying to protect those people? ”

Matticus gave a slight nod, conceding the point. Although, he hated it as much as his Knight did. “What now,” he asked.

“It’ll take much too long to walk to Long Beach,” Revis sighed, digging around in his pack.

After a few seconds, he pulled out a jar of black ink. Looking around, he found the largest tree he could see. He took a paintbrush out and dipped it into the ink. Revis quickly used the brush to draw an outline of a door, knob included. The Knight reached to grab the doorknob.

Matticus was about to tell his Knight how crazy he was acting, but to his surprise, Revis was able to grab the knob and turn it. The door swung open revealing the swirling colors of the roads of magic where there should have only been the inner rings of the tree.

“Another leap of faith,” Matticus muttered as he let his face go slack jawed in surprise, mimicking the expression he knew his Knight wanted to see.  Shaking his head in disbelief he let his gaze slide from the tree to the jar of ink to Revis’ bag and back to the tree.

“What?”  Revis asked.

“Another portal?  Matticus replied smoothly.  “Where does it go?”

“Wherever we need it to.”

The Jester peered around the Knight to gaze into the maelstrom of colors, trying to decipher where it’s exit might be but only getting dizzy in the process.  He looked away before the compulsion to fall over grew too strong to fight and focused on his Knight’s last words to bring himself back into the present.

“Wherever we need it to.  Wherever we need it to…  Wait a minute!”  Matticus grabbed the jar of ink from Revis’ hands.  Fuming, he asked, “You’ve had this all along?  Why didn’t we use this to get to Bruges in the first place?  How many miles did we walk that we didn’t have to?”

“I haven’t had this the whole time. I picked it up when we were world hopping. Wakko gave it to me when we went to the Animaniacs universe.”

“I don’t remember going to the Animaniacs universe…”

“Well, we couldn’t fit them all into the story, so a few of the universes got left out.”

“Yeah, but if you got this new thing from it, that means it’s an important plot point. Shouldn’t we have included it?”

“If I wanted logic, I wouldn’t be talking to a jester,” Revis sighed. “Besides, it’s too late. That part of the story is already published. We can’t add it now.”

Before Matticus could respond, Revis shoved him through the portal. As the bright light from the doorway assaulted his vision, the Jester vowed to stop letting Revis shove him through portals. It was getting a little old.

When he exited out the other side, he found himself staring face-to-face with two dragons. Normally, that situation would’ve scared him to death, but, since he recognized them as Rara and Grayson, he cried out in joy. He knew that meant his family was near.

“See, I told you they were still alive,” Rara said, throwing her husband a look of triumph and smiling happily.

Matticus thought she looked like she was about to go skipping along, which was a sight he wasn’t sure he wanted to see.  While he was sure it would be awe-inspiring, it also seemed terrifying.

“Okay, you won the bet, I’ll settle up later,” Grayson grumbled.

Matticus’ expression of joy lost a touch of its luster as confusion settled in, “Wait, what?”

Before either dragon could answer, Revis popped through the portal, nearly tumbling into the Jester, and if not for Grayson’s quick reflexes to use his tail to steady them, both Jester and Knight would have gone tumbling down in a heap.  The men found their balance and the dragon withdrew his tail allowing them to stand on their own again.

Matticus glared at his knight, for nearly knocking him over and pushing him through the portal, but his mood would not be deterred, so he looked back up to Rara, “It is good to see you but I’m sure you know who I’d really like to see right now.”

“Of course, Matticus,” she replied, “shortly, but first you need to meet with Deb and Dani, so we can coordinate our overthrow of the sparkly vampires.”

The two men started following Rara as she led them to Deb and Dani. Revis was a little skeptical about their ability to help. He was the First Knight of the Kingdom, and he had never heard of them before. Matticus seemed to know them, however, so he decided to go along with it for now.

As they walked, Matticus kept peppering Rara with questions about what had happened while they had been away. She told him repeatedly that she would go over everything once their meeting had started, but he kept asking more questions anyways. Revis began wondering if Rara had infinite patience. If he was in her position, he would’ve, at the very least, threatened Matticus until he stopped asking questions.

Suddenly, Revis stopped. Matticus quit asking questions to Rara long enough to ask one to Revis. “What is it?”

“I’m about to get attacked,” he replied.

Before Matticus could ask him to clarify, something materialized out of thin air to jump at Revis. The Knight caught it in his arms and brought it close to him. That’s when Matticus realized it was Revis’ daughter. He marveled at how the little girl, who was not yet even two years old, was able to sneak up on them like that.

“How did she do that,” he wondered out loud.

“Like father, like daughter,” Rara answered with a smile. “Come. He will know everything we say whether he is with us or not.”

The Jester and two dragons continued into Long Beach where they wound their way through alleys and shadows to stay out of sight as much as possible until finally arriving at a business the Jester was unfamiliar with.  The signage proclaimed it to be a house of yards and he couldn’t come up with any conveyances where that name would make sense and so found himself longing for a beer to soothe his aching head.

Once inside he saw that the building had been abandoned and enough of the furniture had been removed to make space for Rara and Grayson to fit comfortably.  Deb and Dani rose from where they had been seated and quietly conversing.   They quickly dispatched with their pleasantries and began discussing how best to overthrow the sparkly vampires.

Hours passed quickly and as the day turned over to begin anew, they finally came to an agreement on how to proceed.  Deb and Dani slipped away to whisper into the ears of their expanded networks.  The dragons flew off on their assigned tasks, and Matticus went to spend as much time with The Queen and Little Prince as he could before the signal would tear him away from them again.