Revis Saves the Kingdom…. From Matticus

Matticus couldn’t believe his luck. There were signs up all around the castle saying that there were free tacos. And it wasn’t even Tuesday!!!

He had just passed his fifth sign with an arrow pointing him in the direction of the free tacos. The further along he went, the more he started getting a bad feeling about this. Something about it didn’t feel right. The next sign was pointing him towards the dungeon. Something was definitely not right here.

But, he wasn’t about to give up. Not when there could be free tacos at stake.

Right after the last sign, the tacos came into view. He rushed forward to grab them. That’s when he noticed that he’d just ran into a cell. The door slammed shut behind him. His hand reached out for the tacos and, as soon as he touched them, he knew he’d been tricked. He turned around to a faceful of bars and his First Knight, Revis, standing on the outside of the cell.

“Those tacos aren’t real,” Matticus protested. “They’re papier-mache!”

“That’s the part you’re mad at?” Revis answered. “Not the part where I locked you in a cell?”

“You don’t tease someone with tacos! That’s not right!”

“If you want to get technical, those signs were entirely accurate. No matter what they’re made of, they’re still tacos, and they’re yours to keep. So, I didn’t lie to you.”

“I suppose that’s true. Ok, fine you win. You tricked me into a cell. Ha ha. You’ve had your fun, now let me out.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’ve done the people of the Kingdom wrong, and as the First Knight, it is my duty to protect the people of the Kingdom from everyone who would do them harm. Even you.”

“What are you talking about? What have I done to the people of the Kingdom?”

“You put in an automated system to handle the Kingdom’s information hotline instead of having real, live people handle the calls.”

Matticus laughed. “Would you expect anything less from the Jester?!”

“How can you defend this action? It is a horrible, vile thing that puts you on par with some of the world’s most evil villains. I may not be the best person out there, but I would never inflict an automated phone system on anyone. You should be ashamed of yourself…”

“Simple answer: I am an evil person.”

“And this is why I must overthrow you. To save the Kingdom from your evil tyranny.”

“Good luck.”

“What do you mean, ‘Good luck’? I’ve already captured you. You’re already in jail.”

“That is…. a fair point. So, now what?”

“Now, Jester, you are to be punished in a manner that will make evildoers think twice before they commit any misdeeds in the Kingdom again.”

“You don’t mean…”

“Yes. You will be forced to watch the kindergarteners of the Kingdom sing the song ‘Baby Shark’ 55,378,008 times in a row.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“After that, you will be released and, if you commit another crime, you will be forced to watch the animated version of Dragons of Autumn Twilight for two straight weeks.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

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Attention Kingdomites!

Wait….

Is Kingdomites a word? Kingdom people? People of the Kingdom? All of you wonderful people reading this here post?

Anyway, however you prefer to be addressed, it has come to my attention that I, Revis Edgewater (First Knight of the Matticus Kingdom) have yet to shamelessly promote the new short story that I have published on Amazon called Blackmoon Conquest.

Blackmoon Conquest

It is the sequel to Blackmoon WarMage, which was written about in the Kingdom before.

If you like sword and sorcery fiction, I hope you’ll check it out. Thank you for your time, oh wonderful people of the Kingdom.

Just Hanging Out

Hello, fellow Kingdomites. It is I, Revis Edgewater, First Knight of The Matticus Kingdom. You might be asking yourselves what I am doing here.

The answer is nothing. Just thought I’d come over here and see what was going on. No ulterior motive….

Nope.

None whatsoever.

I’m certainly not here to shamelessly plug my new short story Blackmoon WarMage (available now on Kindle).

Nope.

I’d never do that.

Anyway…

It’s been fun. Great seeing you all again. We should do this more often. Have a nice day.

Versus: The Results

Sorry for the delay on this post. My entire household has been sick over the past few days. It has been extremely unpleasant. I’m still not feeling all that great, but, on the bright side, the doctor said I didn’t have strep throat. So, I guess that’s something.

Anyway, here are the results of the poll for the Versus question of: Which was the worst film adaptation of a novel?

The winner is…………….

Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to everyone who participated in the poll, and I hope you all have a good night!