UNSPOKEN WORDS TO YOUR FACE FOR NOW

Rant

We always chose different paths with respect to having children. I had none and you had five. It was aok until after dad died. Then, according to you and your husband, I had no responsibility towards anyone but me. You labeled me selfish. My counter was that I knew I couldn’t responsibly care for a child, and I knew it. You mocked me. You did admit that if you had your last two first, you wouldn’t have had your first three.

Your husband died and left you with five kids. It was and is devastating. Everyone pulled together for you, because we are family. I was still somehow less, not in my mind, but by your words.

Fast forward to last Sunday. Mom fell and hit her head. You were with your boyfriend when it happened. You made it clear that mom’s accident disrupted your plans. When her CT scan read clear, you resumed your vacation and let her take care of your fourth and fifth. When they disrespected her and she tried to call you, you avoided her calls, and said you were sleeping. It is beyond me how you let your 80 year old mom be disrespected by your kids while you slept.

When mom told me that, I was prepared to throw your words back to your face. You are an absentee parent. Your kids are 17 and 14. I have so much to say, but the words remain unspoken, for now.

The Routine

Your routine began
Your dad
Your puppies
Your bike
Your dad’s bike
Your bike rides with your dad and your puppies
Your walks too
Your routine
Your mom
Your dad
Your puppies
Your mom calls 911
Your mom shot your dad in the head
Your dad’s life ended
Your routine ended

Who Is In Charge?

Two days ago, I was enjoying my train commute home. My eyes were closed but my mind knew the stops.

Three stops prior to mine, the train hesitated for much longer than normal. I hoped an accident or someone who decided to commit suicide, wasn’t the cause.

Fear not, you emerged, an elderly lady with a pink stocking cap and a basket. You entered the car.

You had your fare.
You paid your fare.
You get to ride.

The conductor was annoyed when you departed. He barked out orders to walk around you, as if you were an object.

I was ill yesterday so I do not know what happened.

Tonight, I am following my train routine. The train stops three stops prior to mine. The train hesitated much longer than normal. You entered with your pink stocking cap and basket. Deja Vu, but this time, not so much.

This time, the conductor was not as patient. He yelled at you for making the train late for “this” as he pointed to your basket.

You responded by telling him to shut up.

You had your fare.
You paid your fare.
You get to ride.

As he reached the door, he decided he wasn’t going to take your words. He stomped his feet and screamed so that everyone in the car paid attention.

“I am in charge. You are not. You do not talk to me like that.”

You laughed in his face and told him that he would have to scream louder hecause you are deaf. He stormed off in a huff.

You had your fare.
You paid your fare.
You get to ride.

I don’t condone mean words, but yours were reactive. I don’t know your situation. I don’t know his. I also don’t believe that the customer is always right. In this case, you seemed to be right.

You had the fare.
You paid the fare.
You get to ride.

To the conductor, who is in charge? She pays your salary and so do I as long as we can afford to ride. We are, if we are not abusive. You are not allowed to be rude to her for taking precious time loading her basket. I hope you are never in her shoes. You will break your ankles under the weight of your arrogance.