down at the crossroads

I wonder if I have come to a crossroads… though, it’s truly more like a multi-branch intersection or even a roundabout but that fails to have the same musical allusion, so… and the decision I make next will greatly impact the path I travel for the next little bit.  I guess the good thing about this, if it is in fact a turning point, is that I can always walk back to this point and choose a different direction.  Whatever I choose does not have to be forever.

I have way too many started but unfinished writing projects… and I’m thinking about publishing them here as is so I can start over fresh on something new, without the guilt of these works-in-progress hanging over me.

If I were to take what I’ve written and schedule it out into nice little bite sized pieces of 300-500 words (or full chapters depending on the project), I would have daily posts for the rest of this year and well into the next…

Or…

I could set them aside for later, as I have been doing, because maybe one day I’ll have the energy to complete them…

Or…

I could stare at them one at a time until inspiration hits and I’m able to add words to them and eventually maybe I’d get one, or all, ready to publish.

So, here I am needing to pick a direction and unsure which one to choose.  I’m stalling, choosing none and therefore doing nothing.  The easiest would be to continue on us I have been, start a new project I’m excited about and not worry about the half-finished ones cluttering up my writing folder.  The next easiest would be to admit I’m not going to finish them and let them go, share them with you, my faithful kingdomites.  The hardest would be to force myself to finish them…

And admitting that is kind of a hard truth, right?  Does that mean I’m not really a writer, that I’m not really a novelist?  I’ve been trying to convince myself that I’m an author for 4 years now and perhaps it is time to set my aspirations a bit lower?  When I’m not excited to put in the work to actually finish any of these projects… but I have published before… but those were all projects with other writers, other authors and so I was able to hold myself accountable to finish my parts through peer pressure… but I have published before… but but but…  Here I am talking myself in circles and still doing nothing.

So, I find myself at a crossroads and need to pick a direction.

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “down at the crossroads

  1. Your musings reminded me of a book I’m reading right now (that is AMAZING) by Anne Lamott: Bird by Bird. If you haven’t read it, it is a MUST! You’ll figure it out, Matt. I’m certain of it. I will say, though, that I’m finding more and more the idea of opening space is a universal truth in so many areas of our lives. Perhaps letting these tidbits go in some fashion would open space for new things to spring up. Just a thought.

    Much love,
    C
    P.S. I cannot wait to share with you the acknowledgement section of my book – you’re at the top of the list since it was your prompt that started the entire project. Keep throwing seeds, Matt. You just never know what wonders will explode from even one of them. ❤

  2. You have a book published – you are an author.

    You have written – you are a writer.

    Procrastination does not undermine either of these facts xo

  3. I think you’re a writer. A good one. Don’t give up. Cut yourself some slack. Remember you’re a parent with young ‘uns. That takes time and energy. Sometimes things need to be on hold for awhile until the kids are a little older, in school. There’s a difference between not having much time at the moment and not being a writer.

  4. I, for one, am amazed you find the time to write at all, let alone crank out a novel. I started a novel too, but being a poet I suck at dialogue. I think the idea for the story is awesome, but to have to learn how to write literature is a whole other beast. Maybe if you release small readable (time wise) tidbits your audience’s enthusiasm will spur on your inspiration? You’re a writer alright…. no doubt about that. You can also decide to think about all this tomorrow. 😉

  5. I concur with Lizzi. You are a writer. You are an author. Struggling with inspiration, doubt, time constraints is something all wordsmiths go through. Myself especially. I would suggest that you take the smallest project, short story, poem, what have you, and get it out there. Then see if that doesn’t get you in the mood for another one. All of your kingdomites are always happy to read your words.

And, begin:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s