I’m writing this from my bathtub.
I hate when Android tells me that I need to upgrade my apps. They usually work fine so I wait until the last-minute.
Today I decided to update. The phone warned me that I’d be unable to make or receive calls for an unspecified time. No biggie. I survived three days last year without a phone. Who cares about a few moments?
As I selected “Make Updates”, I saw a menacing guy outside my place. We made eye contact and I thought, “Oh shit. Not now.”
I locked the external doors and made my way to the bathroom. Our community procedures say this is the safest place in the event of a tornado. I figured the same would apply to a psychopath.
My phone kept updating. Why was application #22 taking so long? He breached my external door. I should have listened to my Aunt and selected a higher level.
As application #57 of 60 updated, I heard the bathroom doorknob break and a voice say, “I’m here for you, bitch.”