Updates (Fiction)

I’m writing this from my bathtub.

I hate when Android tells me that I need to upgrade my apps. They usually work fine so I wait until the last-minute.

Today I decided to update. The phone warned me that I’d be unable to make or receive calls for an unspecified time. No biggie. I survived three days last year without a phone. Who cares about a few moments?

As I selected “Make Updates”, I saw a menacing guy outside my place. We made eye contact and I thought, “Oh shit. Not now.”

I locked the external doors and made my way to the bathroom. Our community procedures say this is the safest place in the event of a tornado. I figured the same would apply to a psychopath.

My phone kept updating. Why was application #22 taking so long? He breached my external door. I should have listened to my Aunt and selected a higher level.

As application #57 of 60 updated, I heard the bathroom doorknob break and a voice say, “I’m here for you, bitch.”

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25 thoughts on “Updates (Fiction)

    • Not at the moment. I do have secret weapons in my bathroom. They range from candle lighters to caustic cleaners that I might not always file in the right place. In life I am resourceful.

  1. I was unaware that smartphones had to go through those stupid updates as well (since I don’t have one, of course). Seems to me like the last thing taken into consideration when designing a cellphone these days is the ability and ease of making calls….

    • It’s true. My old phone lasted 4 years. I never had to worry…or maybe that’s why my phone acted like shit. The first time, with this phone, I took it to the store and told them to handle it. This time it seemed easy enough but my mind got carried away.

      • My serious fear is that all this technology will be corrupted somehow. I remember life without it and could likely do old school. But yes, sometimes I let my imagination for these little things get the best of me.

      • What are some apocalyptic moments you’ve had? Another one of mine is wtf did I just breathe in while walking past the sewer grate on Madison? That horrible stench had to contain toxins that will burn my lungs from the inside out.

      • If I lock the bottom gate to the student hostiles I will always imagine the concrete building exploding into flames and hearing the cries and running into the fire to unlock the gate and melting away while young students trample over me to get out. If someone puts something on top of the Coconut grinder while we’re working I immediately imagine it slipping and hitting the blade and shooting up into one of our skulls. If I see water and an electrical appliance at the same time, I usually imagine a way for the two to meet.

    • Thank you Faith. The kicker is that i have a landline. The same Aunt that told me I shouldn’t live on the bottom level also told me to keep my landline. Something in the wires don’t work, so I’d be screwed. Phone company can’t figure it out. Complex can’t either. Now I just use the number for promotions that I will never use.

      Yep…update at work. Just make sure your battery is charged. πŸ™‚

    • Ha! It seems we have numbers. You aren’t the only ones. Your comment made me laugh about the matching bra and panties. In the fictional what happens next, I’ll be telling him that. If he doesn’t believe me, I will squirt toilet cleaner in his eyes by light of my candle lighter. Thank you for making me laugh.

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