How do you see me?

I hurt a friend the other day.  It was unintentional.  It was surprising.  It was a lot of things that all reflect the edginess of the world right now.  We are all on the attack.  We are all looking for the offense in everything rather than the good.  We are all lashing out.

Even here and now.  I’m taking the offensive and making broad accusations against everyone though there is no way my generalizations can be true.  There is too much beauty and love out there for everyone to be caught within this ugliness.

So, why then do we do it?  Because it’s easy?  Because it is dramatic?  Because it will be controversial and that will bump up our stats?

None of those are good enough reasons to continue to spread filth.

So, perhaps I should start over?

I hurt a friend the other day.  It was unintentional.  It was surprising.  It was a lot of things and it made both of us pause, consider our words, apologize and move on…  It was awkward.  It was nerve-wracking.  But, in the end, I believe we both came through having grown from it.

There’s a lesson there, for those who are willing to look and learn.

It isn’t my place to force you to, though.

In any case, I wouldn’t want to even if it was my place.  That isn’t my style.  That isn’t my purpose…

However, the reflection and discovery that came from this experience has left me with an important question for all of you, my faithful kingdomites:  How do you see me?

I know I don’t often post non-fiction, I didn’t use to anyway, so it might seem like an odd question.  I have posted some things here and there over the last almost four years in the Kingdom that provide glimpses of me.  They haven’t all been the shiny parts, the best of me.  I am always truthful in my portrayal of myself, even as I strive towards what I see as ideal.  So, I know there has been enough out there for a fairly accurate visage of who I am.

However, I’ve come to realize that just because I see myself a certain way, that doesn’t mean everyone will see the same thing…

Indulge me, if you will, in the comments and tell me how you see me: as a person, as a father, as a writer, as…  What are the words that come to mind when you think of me?  What kind of person do you think I am?  Do you see somebody different behind the posts than the one I’m trying to show?

Just a random selfie from earlier this year in my beloved mountains.


27 thoughts on “How do you see me?

  1. Interesting question. I was thinking, I can’t press like without writing a comment, but you know, I don’t really know. I have an image of you, but I never attach too much weight to my images of bloggers, because we just don’t know each other. I feel like your a sincere person, and like you said, honest in your portrayal of yourself. Somehow, I have it in me that you are not overly emotional, most of the time. though you can be at times. I don’t know why I have this feeling. Funny to write something like this knowing that my words have to be crap because I just have no idea! okay I think I’ve had enough of this game. 🙂 But I do love when you share pieces of yourself.

    • I was looking for the words to describe my thoughts but you beat me. This is exactly what I was thinking too, except you’re much more eloquent than the thoughts in my head.

      To Matt, what he said. ^

  2. Definitely Father and husband and dedicated employee (I think we had a conversation in which you mentioned your long commute), hard worker, caring person, down to earth, aware (as this post shows), thoughtful, real. I honestly don’t read much of your writing because i don’t follow that genre at all. I do scan each post and read non-fiction writing and guests like 1Jaded1 that are posted here. I am sure there is a segment of the blog world that does gravitate to the genre that you write.

  3. Good friend, loving dad. Fine writer. That’s what I see. I know there is a darker side, we all have them. But here we can present ourselves as we want to be and hope to attain.

    Everybody hurts people they care about. It’s the apology and getting beyond it that helps you learn from it and grow.

  4. I see you as a kind man, a gentle man, a good friend, a good father, a good husband, an excellent writer, and a supporter of others. I wish I’d had the opportunity to meet you when I was in CA so that I could answer your query more descriptively, but this is what I’ve gathered about you in the time I’ve known you through our world between the wires 🙂

  5. You are one of the few friends I have that isn’t completely on my wavelength on certain political or social issues (I think) because you are able to discuss where we don’t see eye to eye on things without demeaning or resorting to personal attacks. You recognize differences are par for the course and not necessarily dealbreakers and that a person is more than just their view of X, Y or Z. You have the ability to see the big picture of a person’s worth, friendship, etc and apply it well.

    If your love for your wife and kid are half of what you show in your words to/about them on here, then they are very lucky indeed. You have been there for me when I wasn’t able to be there for others and your example of what it means to be a friend shines through, even if you aren’t “around” online or even when I’m not around to see it.

    In other words, you are the awesomesauce.

    Hurt happens, unfortunately, because we are human. The fact that you are thinking about how this happened makes you a good human.

  6. I think you are loving, and giving, and clever and crafty, and I think you don’t often share your true feelings about things out of fear of how it might be received, but then don’t we all do that. I do that a little more now, my younger self would just blurt that stuff out and get me into all kinds of shenanigans. You are prudent and wise. Maybe you give to much to others sometimes and not enough to your own, but that’s a delicate balance that so many have trouble mastering. Also there are never enough hours in the day, so a pass is definitely in order sometimes. I think you are a good, but tired father. Most parents of toddlers are tired. LOL I think at the end of the day we are all trying to survive and as long as we are always trying to do and be better versions of ourselves we are on the right path. No one is perfect. I sense an emptiness in you that you try and channel other things to fill. I wish I had some wise words to that end…but sadly I do not. If you were running for president I would vote for you. 🙂

  7. I see you as someone who is first and foremost kind. I’ve never seen you promoting dischord or ugliness. You’re a man who is loyal to his friends and acts on that loyalty and love. You’re a father who is dedicated to raising his son the best way he can, giving him the best possible in life. As I gather it, you’re also a loving husband, and I would assume you are a model employee.

    I don’t know you well enough to know your foibles, the things you do which cause small upsets, or the mistakes you make, but I do know that you’re a champion of others and you go out of your way to participate and cheer people on. You’re not in it for numbers, you’re not a sell-out. I get the impression that integrity matters a lot to you.

    As a writer, whether it’s fiction, fact, poetry, something entirely else, you engage me and make me want to read, and want to respond. I like knowing your thoughts because they make me think.

  8. I loved the comments above because they all ring true for me, about you, and I wonder if they will ring true for you too.

    I think too it is funny that people feel like maybe they’re not the best judge, because they know you only online, but I have a feeling that even those who know you in person would disclaim in a similar way. Because though you’re not secretive, per se, you hold your own counsel.

    And yes, kind, honest, dedicated, full of integrity, loving father, hardworker, loyal friend, of course. I think those of us who know you past the blog could also attest to charming, skeptical, and brain-based. Talented, very talented. And brutally, unforsakingly fair.

    I like this prompt. I may steal it. I also like when you talk about you. I may nag you to do more “this is how I interacted” posts in the future.

    P.s. You are loved.

  9. I see you as sincere. This is not a quality that many people have. You are steadfast in your sincerity. Your energy is consistent. I’m surprised I even chimed in. Never know what’s going to be the trigger for a natural response from me. Not sure that all my responses are natural (confess), but I think you asked this question sincerely, and I wanted to respond.

  10. It happens……we all experience bumps online and every single person can relate to your post. I work VERY hard at pulling my punches with my friends. I am no longer in any political/current affairs groups or bulletin boards and I don’t write about those issues on my personal blog…but it still happens and sometimes I care about the other person’s feelings and we can talk it out and other times,its just best to discard the toxicity the other person is bringing to the table….because it’s always a two way street in any debate.

  11. It’s funny, I get most of my impressions about you from what I’ve seen other people say about you, which has been: that you are one of the realest, most caring people out there. I always particularly enjoy your poetry and your non-fiction, because, it’s interesting to see flashes of your personality.

    – Owen

  12. I see you as a loyal, caring, empathetic, giving person. From what I see you always try to help people out as much as you can in any way that you can. If something that you said has bothered or hurt someone in some way you seem to genuinely want to know what caused the hurt and try to mend any hurt feelings as well as you can while still sticking to your principles. You are clearly an extremely devoted husband and father. I am so happy to have “met” you in the blogosphere and hope to get to actually meet you in person at some point.

  13. I don’t know you very well but the first words that came to my mind before reading any of the other comments was gentle, kind, but guarded and not overly emotional. 🙂

  14. Short answer… willing human.

    (not every human is)

    Mistakes… human. Regrets… human. Introspection… human.
    Reconciliation… human.

    All other good that you exhibit comes from these, and you have that as well.

    May we all be… willing human.

  15. I see you Matt as a loving father, an incredible writer of fiction (I know because I read one of your co-authored books) and also someone who tends to speak his mind at first thought, even though in retrospect you feel you shouldn’t have. Are you a Sagittarian, like me? I really do try to see good in the world, don’t try to be mean when I speak, but sometimes (when being completely truthful in what I think) it really doesn’t come across the way I intended because my mouth tends to form words before my mind has thought about what is coming out. I’ve been horrified by my words more times I can count. I would gladly meet you any day in real person. You are… you Matt! I am glad you posted this. xoxo

  16. You are a fantastic friend.
    You are a devoted family man.
    You are a super talented writer.
    Everyone is writing about how kind, and loyal, and honest and good you are. Yes, you are ALL of those things. But you’re also handsome, sexy and a little flirty, but never inappropriate or disrespectful to women, or to the Queen. I love that you can make that work.

    How do I see you? As family.

  17. I see you as a kind man, a generous husband, who wants nothing but the best for his little prince. I see you hurting over the mistakes of your past, and working constantly to prove yourself to be better than your younger self.
    And of course, there’s the jester who spins tales of magic.

  18. I thoroughly appreciated your post and your transparency…it couldn’t have been more timely.
    I can’t comment accurately on you personally because I’m still getting to know you 🙂 What I DO know always points to kindness and being a good daddy.
    I’ve been offline a lot lately because, somehow, I felt like my writing had migrated away from who I was. It helped me to take a break so I could listen to others and remember the importance of authenticity.
    You displayed mounds of authenticity today. Thank you 🙂

  19. I don’t know you enough but you just went up on my list by acknowledging that you hurt someone and recognizing the effects. I have no idea what it was all about but I agree that we are all on edge lately. I am on edge because of the political climate and I can’t wait until this election is over!! Forgive yourself. 🙂

  20. Sunday I had the pleasure of meeting you, your wife and son. I see you as a gifted writer, a loving husband and father, and as a sensitive and thoughtful person. My life is richer for having met you and listened to you read your work.

  21. Oh Matticus. My my.
    Yes, the world is an emotional mess right now, but that’s ’cause we’re headed into a shift. But don’t get me started on all of my spiritual/witchy stuff.

    I see you as a brother, plain & simple. & It’s SO not easy to get to that place with me. You have to jump through hoops, crush barriers, and *gasp* be a loyal friend.

    You’ve done all that plus overtime, buddy. You held me (& others) together when we were falling apart due to loss.

    Personally, you held me together & helped me realize I had more potential than once thought. & You helped me put that potential into action!
    I can’t say a single ill word about you, friend – and so my guess is that above named incident could very well have been just misunderstandings.

    Breath deep.
    As Ra says, “You are loved.” 😉

  22. I see a man who is a Jester, who is noble enough for me to call Sir Jester, who loves his wife, his kid and his friends. I see a man who has a past, just like everyone else, who knows his own demons and who deals with them one moment at a time. I see a man who wants to protect his son from those same demons. A man who wishes to protect his friends from those demons. A man who brings his family with him and welcomes those he meets into it.

    Sir Jester, I also see you as a fellow child of God, because that’s how I’m trying to see everyone I meet. I also see you as one of the luckier ones, because you are a decent human being and treat those around you with respect.

    I see a man who loves and who is loved.

    And this is a very long-winded way of saying what Jaded said above in just three simple and profound words.

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