change is coming

The leaves whispered restlessly outside his window, disturbing the peacefulness of his slumber, and he propped open an eye with an askance glare for their daring intrusion.  The dream had already slipped from his grasp except for the distinct impression that it had been good.  The hour was still too early to see the leaves or even the branches they hung from and he closed his eye again with a disappointed sigh.  Dawn would not arrive for at least two hours but he had little hope of reclaiming the interrupted dream, “What are you going on about now?”

Though they continued to converse in hushed tones, the trees did not answer.  He attempted to push their murmurings and his own curiosity about what had set them astir away by rolling away from the window and throwing an arm over his head.  It was futile and he knew it.  After a quick count of ten, he rose to a sitting position and turned back toward the window to see if his eyes could perceive anything of value from the darkness beyond.

No wind accompanied the rustling of the branches so either a creature was clambering about the giant oak or the tree was truly talking to its wooden brethren.  Either was possible but the level of noise made it more likely that he was eavesdropping on the forest.  There was more than one tree in motion.

Finding his feet, he stepped to the window and leaned against the sill.  Crisp air greeted him.  His eyes continued to adjust but weren’t yet of much use.  His ears remained attentive, and with his mind now fully awake, he confirmed it was more than one tree quivering.  The sound was haunting and beautiful at the same time.

Just as dawn hinted at its coming arrival by warming the eastern horizon, the conversation came to an abrupt halt.  The trees returned to their stoic silence and he was left wondering what was so important the forest had needed to spring into action in the middle of the night.  It didn’t take much thought to come to a likely conclusion.  “Change,” he spoke to the morning.  “Change is coming.”

He had felt a tingling itch in his mind for several days.  Something was amiss in his hidden world and soon the cause would reveal itself.  Unhurried by the threat, or promise, of the coming days, he stayed at the window to watch the day unfurl.  The light stretched from the mountains at the edge of his vision to the tops of the trees that had pulled him from his slumber.  The sky spoke its own salutations in vibrant blue hues.  He sighed with contentment at the wonder of it all.

…..

A question from Matticus:  Having recently published The Erratic Sun, I was feeling some pressure (though that isn’t quite the right word) to write something new… something of my own to publish.  I sat down and this came out.  What do you think?  Is it done, as is?  Or, is this just the start that I should turn into a full novel and publish?

 

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54 thoughts on “change is coming

  1. You could definitely add to it. I would anchor it in the character – give us a name or something like that. I like this type of beginning, but find that’s it’s very effective when it ends in a line or two of dialogue.

  2. I agree with most of what everybody said. It would be a good intro that won’t make sense until towards the end of the novel… a mystery to unravel.

    As a perpetual editor, though, nothing is ever done!

      • Really? I had a boss who could make a sentence wonderful by changing the slightest little thing — I remember him doing it by changing an “an” to a “the” — and I realized the magic in just the right word (of course, I can’t recall the sentence ….)

      • Hahaha… Probably. But, how much better could it all be? And all the projects that are really good, and so close to being done, but I’m holding onto them because if I could just get past that last editing hurdle maybe I could find an agent who would take me seriously…

      • I’m don’t several editing projects currently or I’d offer to help. Why not put a call out on the blog?

        But it is touchy. You need not just someone who caned it but someone who will care about YOUR project.

      • Exactly. Plus then I run into the problem of getting the edits back and actually sitting down and going through them. It’s so much less glamorous (and fun) than just writing something new.

  3. Definitely more …

    I’d agree with the things you said in your conversation with Elyse … editing your own work is tough. I’m not very good at it (well, I’m better when I actually *do* it, rather than just thinking about it). Part of it is my irrational sense that everything I write is perfect the first time. Ego? Me? No.

    Editing other people is much easier. I’ve had a few friends ask me to edit their work, and that’s tough (at least until you build a working relationship). I’ve had two friends ask me to do a first edit on their novels, and I finally had to politely decline as both works were not really in my area of interest (one was romantic suspense, the other was sci-fi). It’s hard to edit something when the material doesn’t interest you — is it uninteresting because it’s not your area, or is it uninteresting because it’s bad? So, it was best to move on.

    But, I ramble …

    • As you know, rambles are always welcome here.
      Yeah, ego. I’d say I have the same problem, but I don’t really think it’s a problem, because ego.
      I should just pay a professional editor to work with me. I need to get over this … whatever this is… and really commit myself to trying to get something published traditionally.

  4. How about a mini blog series where you give us a piece of the extended story each week? That way you can make it as long or as short as you want as you go?
    Just a thought.

    • An intriguing idea. I was hoping to find something I could turn into a novel to try and publish… But, if that doesn’t happen whatever gets written will be shared here.

  5. It’s a good opening thing for sure. Can you see it going further and becoming a full book? If yes, then carry on writing it, Sir Jester. I offer my proof-reading services if you wish for them.

  6. dj, I feel a story you need to tell with this. You could probably at least make a novella, unless several more characters are introduced. I have no idea what your author’s reading preferences are, but this was very much like a Dean Koontz (heck even Stephen King) setting for the beginning of a novel. Whether you do more with this is up to you, of course. 🙂 But I really did enjoy reading it!

  7. “Change,” he spoke to the morning. “Change is coming.”

    I got goosebumps when I read that line. You could definitely continue on with this story. It’s perfectly ambiguous enough to leave me wanting MORE!!! I already want to know more about the character and where he lives, what kind of change could be coming, etc… Please do continue with it 🙂

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