Embracing the Darkness

I open my eyes;
it is so dark.
I blink furiously,
and wait for my eyes
to adjust to the light.

Nothing changes.

Still pitch black.

The fight or flight
response is triggered,
but I can do neither
in a paralyzing fear.

I remember
and I feel
your essence
and presence.

You calm me.
You swaddle me.
You soothe me.

You make me realize
that you are
my protector
and my healer.

You are my Darkness.

I embrace you.

I relax and close my eyes.

32 thoughts on “Embracing the Darkness

  1. You always scare the crap out of me, Jaded, like you’ve gone to places that I only imagine… and that you are okay there, as though you’ve gone and embraced a darkness that I only feel in hints and starts. I just hope you’re okay. I really want you to be okay.

    • Trent. I don’t want to scare you and I hope you never go to those places….ever. My mind cycles through and revisits them.. Each revisit sucks. Embracing is the lesser of the evil. I’m ok…thank you.

      • I always say that sometimes you have to embrace your own inner madness… I truly believe that. I think you’re in touch with what ails you, and I greatly respect the courage it takes to do that.

  2. This reminds me of when hubby and I went to the top of an observatory in the middle of freakin’ nowhere in Texas on a no-moon night. We were at about 10,000 ft. We wanted to go into the observatory to look at the sky but it is closed to the public on no-moon nights for the astronomers for their studies. Anyhoot, I got out of our RV, and damned if I couldn’t see my hand just mere inches from my face. It was so unsettling. But then after a few minutes of trying to see my damned hand, I looked up at the sky. WHOA! I’ve never seen such beauty. I could see the Milky Way, galaxies, and in the voice of Carl Sagan… “billions and billions of stars…”

    • Anotherfoodblogger: I used to drive tractor-trailer in northern Canada. I pulled over for a nap one night on the side of a rural road with no humans for 150 miles in any direction. There was no moon and when I got up I stepped out of the truck to take a leak and when I looked up that is what I saw – I was over 50 at the time and I had never seen anything even close to that in the sky before. It is mind blowing – as if a milk tanker had exploded and sprayed the night sky with white dots and swirls and other shapes of stars. It is one of those things that can’t be explained until you see it – which you obviously did.. Cool.

      • Paul, I am so glad someone else relates to the complete awe and wonder of what we saw and experienced! I’ve never seen anything like it since, but then again I haven’t been at 10,000 ft. in the middle of nowhere on a new moon night since then either. 🙂

    • Hi. Thank you and you are spot on. I love being outside at night. Full moon, no moon and everything in between. The UP of Mich is like that. You can’t see your hand in front of you (once the sun goes down at 11pm in the summer) but look up and you see such a beautiful star filled sky. Now I want to plan a trip.

      • I know, it’s so true! I am now missing an experience like that again. Luckily I live now in almost the freakin’ middle of nowhere in Oregon and I bet I can get the same experience again in a 2 or 3 hour drive. Hmmmm. Will have to consider that now that the spring came on a Wednesday this year. (That being today, exactly, in Central Oregon terms.)

    • RR. Thank you. Getting it is easier than applying it, but I’m working on it.

      I love the night and the dark so the name Jadark fits.

      Thank you again.

  3. This not only follows on well from The Jester’s post, but it describes – to me – how we can only start to heal by first accepting that we have the wound. Embrace the darkness to understand it and to destroy any negative power it may have over us. 😀

      • I’m well, thank you. I’m in a branch house and working in a parish, very different and challenging, but in a good way. I must write a post now I’m allowed, but I have to get it approved first, which I think is holding me back from actually writing.

    • I’m happy to hear you are doing okay. It would be exciting to read you again, but I see your point. I would hesitate if I were in that situation, too. xx.

      • And I was self-censoring anyway, having decided never to mention any sisters by name except Mother Margaret, and various other things, and no swearing. I guess I just need to bite the bullet and do it, and hope that after a few months of posting they give up on checking.

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