With a little help from our friends

Hello all you faithful kingdomites,

A couple weeks ago, Sheena set up a GoFundMe page for a friend of ours who is in a tight spot.  In a bit of good news, that mutual friend has found a place they can move to, but need a little bit of help securing the funds for it.  They have until the 20th to do so or will miss out on the opportunity. I asked them to write a bit of their story to share with the kingdom and they agreed, though I know it was hard to do.  So, please, read below and leave some comments of encouragement and support, and, if you can, click on through to the GoFundMe page and leave what you can there as well. 

Thank you,

Matticus

…..

I’ve never had good luck in relationships. My first serious boyfriend told me after a few months, that he dumped another girl so that he could ask me out. This was unsettling as I felt that he would do the same to me. Then there was the coworker that I had liked and ended up raping me. My next relationship ended a few months before we were married. There was a distance that had grown, and things felt off. There were other things too, like alarms going off in my head, and it was ended. He married a girl a few months after the engagement ended. He met her while we were engaged. The next guy, well he became controlling, abusing, and even forcing himself on me. I was done with relationships after him. I needed a break.

Then he walked into my life.

He was everything I had wanted, and not even looking for, and we hit it off from the start. Both of us were quirky, video game nerds, Batman lovers, geeks through and through. He got me, and when I explained my issues, the rape, depression, anxiety, he didn’t have a problem with that. He embraced it and supported me as I was working on trying to accept and work through everything.

Rather quickly after meeting him, I had issues that arose and I was kicked out of my family’s house. This lead to me being homeless. He graciously took me in while I looked for a place. Once again, supporting me. I did get my own place after about a month time frame. Never once did he lose his temper with me.

From the start, he knew of my issues, including the isolation from my family, my mental health battles, and some battles with weight due to health issues. Eventually, we moved in together.

Fast forward to recently. two and a half years later, and things are different.

My issues are too much for him, the isolation from my family is now a problem, and my health and weight have taken a toll on me.

Suddenly I’m no longer good enough. I’m getting yelled at more and more frequently, sometimes just for asking what’s going on. I’m blamed for everything. Then suddenly, the sun shone again and everything was rainbows and unicorns. We were good. Going out and having fun, making plans for the future. We had a good relationship again.

Then suddenly the temper was back. Everything I did was wrong. Even giving up some of my time to do things for him, was not good enough. Saying hi meant I’d get screamed at. I knew I became worthless. I was no longer appreciated. I was nothing. Then it happened.

He failed at something, and I became the target of his wrath. I was the victim, but according to him, I was the problem. He failed, but because when he tried to hand me something and screamed F***ing C**T, it was my fault to ask if that was directed towards me. I mean, you were quiet and handing me something, so I thought it would be normal asking if it was directed towards me. I should have known better, after all, I am a mind reader.

Later that day, I was told that we should dial back on being in a relationship. When I asked if this meant we are no longer together, I was never answered. Me and my mind reading skills took this as a large amount of nope. A few days later, I noticed everything that indicates male grooming in the apartment, and huge amounts of cologne as the entire place smelt of it. He was out on a date. It took him two to three days after saying “Let’s dial it back” to ask another girl out. That night I confronted him about it, and he told me no, but then he told me he I have two months get myself and the animals and get the hell out of his home.

When I tried to ask why the most bizarre answers were received. Originally when he told me that it was over, he said he wasn’t ready to settle down, now he told me that he is not getting any younger and he wants to settle down soon. He can no longer handle the mental health issues, the weight problems, my health problems, the lack of communication with my family. I was told that it was my idea to call it quits. One day he wants me to get the animals and go, and then the next he’s telling me he is keeping them. I don’t do the things he recommends that will make me better. Not taking medications, only meditating, running (with my arthritic knees). Meditation doesn’t work for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried, multiple times in my therapies, and twice with him, but it doesn’t work. Art and writing clear my mind.

Since the ultimatum, I now have a month to find my own place. A place that will take a person with no credit. Where I have almost no money to my  name. I deal with constant yelling and screaming from him one moment, then the next he is trying to be my friend. He’s stopped paying for anything with the animals. I’m paying for everything for them now. Food, litter, care, it all comes from me. What little I have saved up is gone. Thanks to his carelessness, I had to make an emergency visit to the vet as one of the cats was laying next to half of an acetaminophen pill. Then there were two that needed to be fixed. I’m now further behind then I was when I started saving money. Still enduring the tantrums, the mind fucks, the abuse. One minute he is wanting to be my friend, the next he gets a better offer to do something, and runs away. He avoids me at any costs unless there is something he is trying to get from me.

Halloween there is always a party from shared friends of ours. This year I almost didn’t go except for some pleading from some, as he was bringing her, the girl he left me for. Yes, he’s been out most nights with her. When he drops things and runs, it’s because she invited him over. He will stop talking in the middle of conversations with me, to talk to her, completely ignoring me as if I was no longer there. He’s tried to get me to help pick out clothes he wants to wear while out with her. It’s a constant reminder how I’m not good enough. Never good enough. I wasn’t good enough before for other guys, and I’m not good enough now. I won’t ever be apparently.

So back to me trying to get a clean start.

I have found a place. I have secured it for myself, with a promise of the money to be handed in by the 20th of the month. I have no money currently. Spent trying to make sure a cat didn’t die. A friend of mine set up a GoFundMe. That money was what I used for the cat, because she is one of my children, one that started many fights since the break up as I will not allow him to have her. I am not a person to ask for money. I give my time and money to everyone else. I don’t think I deserve it. I haven’t done anything to deserve it. So she set it up for me as I won’t myself. I’ve hit a spot, a rather bad one. I need to get out of this hell. I need to start over, sadly funds are lacking. I want to be able to move out, to take myself and my babies to a safe world where we don’t have to worry about threats, possible violence. There was violence to inanimate objects when he got upset. Screaming obscenities. Constant friendship being extended only to have it ripped away. I need this.

If you have it in you, please assist.

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2 thoughts on “With a little help from our friends

  1. Reblogged this on Fish Of Gold and commented:
    A while ago, I asked you to contribute to a fund to help someone in an abusive relationship get out of it. Well, she’s still there. She’s so close to freedom, but the only thing stopping her is money. Today, she’s sharing her story in her own words at The Matticus Kingdom. If you can, please, help.

  2. I really wish I could help in a practical way. This is one time when not having access to my own money (while in First Profession I still have my money, but I’m not allowed to use it; at Life Profession it is given away) is really tough.

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