The crush is back with a vengeance.
It originates in the brain and travels to the heart where not so gentle hands squeeze with the intent of creating unbearable pain.
My walls are at an unprecedented high.
I grind my teeth, clench my jaw and still manage to scream “Why?”
But I know.
Climbers of my walls are nearing the top.
When will they stop?
When will they fall?
With one, we have shared our trips
to Hell and back.
His eyes filled with sorrow and mine with tears.
I expected to hear the splash of him falling into my moat of tears, but he didn’t.
I never expected he’d stay through the years, but he did.
He’s saved my life without even trying.
Without even knowing, he’s kept me from dying.
I will never tell him.
With the other I hold my own
I still wait for the splash.
I think about those
who have fallen
under the weight
of their lies,
drowning the sounds
from their cries.
Important is such an arbitrary term.
Occasionally, I give in to anger.
I draw the arrow with the same name from my quiver.
Through the peep-hole I aim with bulls-eye precision, and take pride in my decision.
To my surprise, this time, the arrow missed.
It boomeranged and loudly hissed its way back to me.
Before it punctures my pupil with bulls-eye precision, I see its name has changed to Hypocrisy.
The crush grins with delight as I writhe in agony from the smite.
Then I calm and realize.
Who am I to criticize if they intentionally or inadvertently pulverize my hurts?
It isn’t my place to put verdicts into vials
and to judge
I’ve made my own
climbs and falls.
I’ve scaled the heights
of others’ walls.
I’ve turned my back
in their times of need.
I’ve fallen into their moats
and began to proceed my climb.
Their walls are higher now.
As I apologize,
tears roll down my face.
I don’t expect to receive a response.