The Arrow Of Hypocrisy

The crush is back with a vengeance.
It originates in the brain and travels to the heart where not so gentle hands squeeze with the intent of creating unbearable pain.

Success.

My walls are at an unprecedented high.
I grind my teeth, clench my jaw and still manage to scream “Why?”

But I know.

Climbers of my walls are nearing the top.
When will they stop?
When will they fall?

With one, we have shared our trips
to Hell and back.
His eyes filled with sorrow and mine with tears.

I expected to hear the splash of him falling into my moat of tears, but he didn’t.
I never expected he’d stay through the years, but he did.

He’s saved my life without even trying.
Without even knowing, he’s kept me from dying.

I will never tell him.

With the other I hold my own
and trust;
I must.

I still wait for the splash.

I think about those
who have fallen
under the weight
of their lies,
drowning the sounds
from their cries.

Important is such an arbitrary term.

Occasionally, I give in to anger.
I draw the arrow with the same name from my quiver.
Through the peep-hole I aim with bulls-eye precision, and take pride in my decision.

To my surprise, this time, the arrow missed.
It boomeranged and loudly hissed its way back to me.
Before it punctures my pupil with bulls-eye precision, I see its name has changed to Hypocrisy.

The crush grins with delight as I writhe in agony from the smite.

Then I calm and realize.
Who am I to criticize if they intentionally or inadvertently pulverize my hurts?
It isn’t my place to put verdicts into vials
and to judge
without knowing
their trials.

I’ve made my own
climbs and falls.
I’ve scaled the heights
of others’ walls.

I’ve turned my back
in their times of need.
I’ve fallen into their moats
and began to proceed my climb.

Their walls are higher now.

As I apologize,
tears roll down my face.

I don’t expect to receive a response.

https://thematticuskingdom.files.wordpress.com/2015/10/87764-avengers15arrow.jpg?w=320&h=220
Image Credit: Unknown
Advertisements

9 thoughts on “The Arrow Of Hypocrisy

  1. Such a poignant piece, Jaded. Thank you for posting here. I know you’ve been following along with my own struggles with hypocrisy, including yesterday’s too close for comfort road rage piece, and I can truly appreciate the image of the arrow rebounding and heading back for me. It’s unpleasant, but an important step of realization to work towards a better way of being. You are amazing. You are loved.

  2. Powerful words. I guess it’s kind of a reminder of the thing that keeps going around on Facebook about not knowing what battles other people are fighting so be kind always. Although I wonder if what most people who post that are thinking, and if they’re thinking “I mean, be nice to ME!!” and not “I’m doing my best to be kind to those around me but I’m struggling with my own demons too and it’s a bit tough at times”. Because it will be tough. No-one ever said life was going to be easy, or fair.

    Love you, Jaded. Keep on writing it out. Xxx

    • I love you, Faith. I love your comment. Don’t have FB. Something put it all in perspective. My mean always hits at the worst times. I try not to be mean, but when I am the arrow hits with precision. This time it hit back in the form of hypocrisy. Thank you again.

      • Don’t blame you for not having FB. I sometimes wish I didn’t have it, but am now running several pages for organisations so can’t come off it. If you have my email address in the comments section of the wp dashboard, you can email me whenever you want. Xxx

  3. I’m glad I was able to find your work. Beautifully written poem and interesting discussion regarding
    the idea that we must always be kind to be because we don’t know their struggles. I believe that we must always treat each other with respect.

    I also believe that each of us is responsible for holding his or her demons in check.

    I don’t expect anyone to be perfect at it but I do expect people to use the power of the pause when posting to social media.

    And when we screw up I think we should admit it and move on.

    Regarding social media and the people who use it: the number of adults who think like children is a bit shocking.

    When I read ‘You must always be kind because you don’t know the struggles of another’ I see an implied demand: Let me do what I please because I might be so screwed up I can’t help myself.

    The thing is that being screwed up and being unethical are not the same thing. Most people I know who might lay claim the title of screwed up will do anything to learn how to stop the damage to their lives; and we eventually learn to check ourselves because no one has the right to hurt other people regardless of how screwed up they are. In real life we jail or hospitalize people who truly have no control or intentionally hurt people. On the internet we have a block button.

    • Hi Robert. What a nice surprise and thank you for the compliment. I don’t have SM other rhan WP. I think part of the reason you described is spot on. People regress to high school and I left that place almost 30 years ago. I could block but I choose not to bother.

      The poem…I have a knack for hitting people when I don’t know they’re down. This person, I’m there for her and I dont mind. She doesn’t want her family to know her shit and I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with is her criticizing my driving skills to a room full of people after asking me for a ride (she’s done this more than once)…or sharing my number or info I’ve told her in confidence, and then chiding me for not sharing stuff. It’s my fault bc it has happened more than once and I let it. This time she did her thing and I got pissed bc she blew me off. The next day she texted, “call me”. I ignored. The following day her number called. I ignored and later called back. Her bf told me she was in the ER and I heard shower. I said something like she can call me when she’s out….really??

      So I wrote this.

      Thank you again for stopping by.

  4. It’ll take me a moment to get caught up, but your poetry is mesmorizing. I’m drawn immediately and can’t wait to read more. So glad you hopped over today, it led me right to you.

And, begin:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s