Should I write to sever all ties?
Swing my words to strike, rend and cleave?
Or should I age, wither, and fall,
Undaunting as an autumn leaf?
The real me would see your turned backs,
Disgusted by my selfish heart,
Walking intently out of sight,
Our friendship left fallen apart.
But every day the hidden truths,
My dark unspoken opinions,
Scratch and claw closer to the light,
To bursting into your vision.
Then what? Will you judge me harshly?
Condemn me for hiding myself,
To spare your feelings and beliefs,
Claim moral high ground for yourself?
And if I told you the truth now,
Laid bare my thoughts for all to see,
Would you respect me more or less?
A different outcome would there be?
What does that imply about us,
That I assume we would part paths?
You’ve never shied from skewering,
Those you felt deserved your full wrath.
I can’t stay hidden much longer,
My resolve cracks under the strain,
The beastly truth craves its freedom,
The split leaves me quaking in pain.
I do not want to fade away,
To simply vanish from your side.
I do not want to face your wrath,
To feel your tongue’s lash on my hide.
But I’m exhausted from this fight,
Should I stand brave or should I flee?
So passing time will have to tell,
What it is you would have of me…
I struggled with a title for this poem… I struggled writing this poem. I’ve felt distant from the blogosphere recently – partially because due to new circumstances at work I haven’t been on and interacting with all of you as much as I used to, and partially because I’ve been feeling like very few of us would end up being friends in the real world – our views, our beliefs, are too different. We’d make a go of sure, but eventually one of us would say something that bothered the others too much to let it pass, and we would go our separate ways. I’m not sure if that’s unfair of me to not give us the benefit of the doubt or if me thinking that is more a reflection on who I am right now than who you all are…
I miss you all.