Aspen Q and A Patrol

This week’s theme is also fairly evident, if you haven’t figured it out just based on the post title, it’s all quotes from Aspen Extreme and Ski Patrol – two ski movies on opposite ends of the film spectrum.  This series was thrown together based on a request from El Guapo.

Do you have a movie you’d like me include in these Q and A sessions?  Or a theme?  Or a specific actor?  Let me know in the comments and I’ll see what I can put together for you.

(All previous Q and A iterations are here.)

As a reminder:  The Q’s are life situations you may find yourself in, and the A’s are the corresponding quotes from movies that you could considering using in those situations if you were mad like me.  But, I am a professional Jester, so take that into consideration before trying them on your own.

*Disclaimer – I started out trying to make these quotes about life… and it ended up being more about death… so, it’s a bit morbid… but, hopefully in a funny way.  When read as a single unit, the Q’s and A’s should tell a story.  Let me know how I did in the comments.*

Q: What slogan should you live your life by?
A: “Taste death, live life.”
– Suicide (Sean Sullivan)

Q: What should you say when someone asks you what it’s like to be an adult?
A: “Shootin’ The Hole is just like makin’ love.”
– Iceman (T.K. Carter)

Q: What should you say when someone is annoying you?
A: “Shut up, Myron!”
– Murray (Leslie Jordan)

Q: What should you say when someone asks how you are doing?
A: “All we need is a kick-ass dancer…”
– Iceman (T.K. Carter)

Q: What should you say when someone says you aren’t looking too good (implying that you are getting close to kicking the bucket)?
A: “I don’t kick anything!”
– Stanley (Paul Feig)

Q: What should you say when you are standing over a coffin?
A: “The next time you leave, I’ll expect you to say goodbye.”
– Bryce Kellogg (Finola Hughes)

Q: What should you say when someone comments on how nice that coffin looks?
A: “Yeah, but they’re not from Detroit.”
– T.J. Burke (Paul Gross)

Q: What should you say while doing a view of the open casket?
A: “What’s with these pants, Teej?”
– Dexter Rutecki (Peter Berg)

Q: What should you say when someone asks what happened?
A: “Skiing’s the easy part, Carl.”
– T.J. Burke (Paul Gross)

Q: What should you say when they ask for more clarification?
A: “Who’s got a law against ugly women?”
– Dexter Rutecki (Peter Berg)


I had snow on the brain again, but we can blame senior guap for that this week.  I still can’t wait to get on the slopes this winter, maybe I’ll strap the little prince to my back so he can experience the thrill of strapping yourself to a piece of plastic and throwing yourself off the side of a mountain too.  What do you mean that’s a bad idea?  Here there be rocket skis and figure eight competitions, some comedy, some tragedy, some love and plenty of monsters like always.  Thanks for playing along.

27 thoughts on “Aspen Q and A Patrol

  1. Dear god! I’m not sure which is worse – you sitting through that flick to pull out the quotes, or you forever associating my name with it on the internet.
    Excellent rise to challenge sir!

    Oh wait…yes, I am sure which is worse.
    *Changes name to Eustace Esterhauze and takes Amish vows*

  2. I’m glad you agree this isn’t your best effort, but I think I found a few lines,like “Who’s got a law against ugly women?”
    As for the “next time you leave” line, it reminds me of Eileen Brennen on Laugh-In,(I know,I know; before your time.I was too young to be watching it myself.) She was a widow, looking into her husband’s casket. She said:
    “It’s just like you not to be here at a time like this”.
    I use it on my husband all the time.

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