I’ve had it up to here!

Dear Dog Owners,

I have been trying to forget that I feel this way for quite a while, but I can’t pretend anymore.  I am really quite put out.  You know when you get to take your pups with you everywhere?  Well, let me share how that makes me feel…  When you show up at my favorite store, dog in tow, I feel cheated.  Not so much jealous or even envious, but really, really slighted.  It makes me want to take my cats with me everywhere I go too.  I would like to think that I am not the only one who feels this way.  As a matter of fact, you know bird owners?  Well they told me that they don’t like the special treatment you get either.

You know what they say:  If one person says you’re a pet owner receiving special attention, you can forget it.  When two people say you’re a pet owner receiving special attention, you might want to consider it.  When three people say you’re a pet owner receiving special attention, you might want to pay attention.  It’s about that time for you to consider how that makes the rest of the pet owners out there feel.  Think about that.

Since we are being so honest, there are a few other things I would like to air.  I hate it when you let your dogs roam free.  It makes me freak out, a lot.

I also hate the way you allow your hounds to do their business in public.  Every time you walk down my street looking for a good spot I want to return the favor in your front yard.

Also, the vet is not your real friend.  Remember that secret that you shared?  Well they shared it with everyone.  Now everyone knows you let your dogs lick your face and they all laugh at you behind your back.

I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.  I really like you.  I value our relationship.  But I cannot go on pretending your special treatment hasn’t happened.  If you care enough about me and this relationship, I am sure you would agree to fight for other pet owner rights as well.

Still friends?

Fondly,

Cat Owners

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

This bit of silliness brought to you by UndoverL.  She created the blank open letter and has asked us all to fill it in with some humorous odds and ends.  (All the words in red are what I added and everything else is what she provided to work with.)

I don’t actually have a problem with dog owners (well, most of them), but I know that UndcoverL harbors a not so secret grudge against cats, so this is completely a dig at that.

You know you want to play along with this crazy ad-lib game too.  Head over to her site (linked above), grab the blank form, copy into your dashboard, fill it out, link it back, post, and let’s keep this fun going!

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70 thoughts on “I’ve had it up to here!

    • and wolves and bison and coyotes and…

      I think the only animals I don’t really care for are spiders and sharks. Yet, I’m fascinated by both and can spend hours watch them… safely behind many layers of protective glass… many, many layers

      • Ha ha, you got me there, that’s for sure! I don’t know how I strayed so far from where I was going in college, studying wolves in Minnesota and Isle Royale, and applying to be a Forest Ranger (really). I swear, the reason I didn’t pursue it is cos I hate uniforms and the color is not flattering to my skin tone. Oh, and they wouldnt let me take my dog to the wilderness to track and study wolves. Ah, youth.(and yes this is a blog, actually it’s my book, don’t tell anyone that I’m not all chanel and shoes.

      • Mums the word. 😉
        I considered trying to become a Park Ranger at some point – with as much as I love the wild open spaces of the world – but, it’s hard to have a family when you are traipsing through the back-country all the time, plus it’s definitely an industry where you have to pay your dues and I didn’t want to get stationed at Death Valley for 15 years before I could get a post in the Sierra.

  1. Oh, that looks like fun. I don’t like people who bring their dogs places either, mostly because I’m allergic. I also don’t like being jumped on with grubby paws. Or, um, romanced. Leave Spot at home pleeeeze.

  2. I LOVE animals. But I don’t want any anymore! I am sick with allergies and SO OVER feeding watering and litter duty! OVER pets. I don’t mind if there pets round just as long as there well behaved but I TOTALLY understand why you get upset!
    A very polite letter!

    • I’m tasked with the daily litter, food, and water duties, and some days it does seem like a pain. But, then they purr at me all it’s all forgotten.
      Of course, then they wake me at 4:30 in the morning as they claw at the carpet, or the bed, in a ploy for attention and I want to throw them out the minute. But then they roll over on my toes and gaze up at me lovingly and all is forgiven.
      Nope, I’ll always have cats from here on out. The work is completely worth it.
      But, I don’t have to worry about allergies, so… if I did, I think I’d change my song and dance.

      • My mother bought my daughter cats even though I am DEADLY allergic to them. (She’s a nurse by the way) Anyway she just brought them to K and I can’t get rid of them because who knows what would happen to them. I just can’t DO IT! But my husband calls it CAT TOSS! He says I’m going to cat toss these cats right out the window… But then he spent 3 grand on there teeth.

      • Hah! We threaten our kitties with Cat Toss all the time too. I think it’s just one of those things. Poor kitties… I hope their teeth are much better now. (Poor wallet, I hope the butterflies have been replaced with nice crisp bills now.)

      • no not yet my husband has the bad fortune of being married to an artist. Wouldn’t you know that society doesn’t see value in my occupation till there SUPER RICH. Then they care. but then it’s for the wrong reasons.

      • HA! Well that happens! I love picking up little pair of shorts. I’m so sad to only have 2 I wish I could have more.

  3. Dear Jester,
    I got two puppies a few weeks ago. Princess Red Chief says she wants a cat. I packed her tiny three-year-long life’s possessions and made her move out. I hate cats that much.
    L
    P.S. Princess Red Chief found her way back home and promised to never bring up cats again. As long as she sticks to that, she can stay.

    • Dear L,
      Have fun with your furniture chewing, shoe destroying, drool manufacturing home wreckers. And tell PRC when she comes to her senses and realizes that mommy is wrong in her contempt for cats she can come stay in the kingdom.
      Matticus

      • Jester,
        Leave my husband out of this.
        The thing I hate the most is that the mastiff lays poops the size of the yorkie. That is just wrong. I learned that I am an equal opportunity animal hater. I have two more countdown paper chains on my wall now. One for when each of the kids turns 18 (and moves out) and the other two for how long I can expect the dogs to live for. I hate cats. And I hate dog sh*t. But I hate cats more.
        L

      • L,
        You. Are. Hilarious. Your hatred of cats is misguided, yes, but you are still hilarious.
        Matticus
        PS – What’s it like having a horse in the house all the time? That’s what a mastiff is, right?

      • He is only small right now. It’s just like having a gawky, smelly, clumsy teenage boy around. Including the humping. He is only about 40 pounds and 20 inches tall. He is meant to be 200 pounds and 40 inches. Awesome!

    • Good? Bad? You’re never going to talk to me again? You had to cover the eyes of your five dogs so they weren’t hurt by my words? You let your weasels read it so they could rejoice in my call to arms for equality for all pets?

  4. I’m so relieved to learn this was from a prompt of sorts. I was beginning to thing you’re getting pretty strange, DJ. A little batty, in fact. Can’t imagine cats on a leash. Or cats roaming and coming back. Cats, from what I see, are pretty independent. As for dogs doing their business in your street, well, you need to talk to the various home owners on your street. We all pick up after our own. For the plants and bushes I want dogs to stay away from, I use something similar to Deer-Scram. It works for a couple of weeks.

  5. I thought you were serious. I love my pets; they are part of my family, but… My father-in-law died a couple of weeks ago.Last week I got a sympathy card with a personal note at the end which sent condolences, hugs, love and a promise of prayers…it was signed with the name of the husband, wife, grown daughter and that of their rabbit.
    I have to say, I was offended. On a Christmas card or a birthday card, I would have been amused.
    What say you? I’d really like to know.

    • I consider my cats part of the family… but, I would never have them “sign” a card for such a solemn occasion. (My condolences and a boat load of virtual hugs, by the way.) They’ve signed thank you cards and Christmas cards and maybe a birthday card or two … but that’s where those shenanigans stop.

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