Please welcome Niagara bellman: The Hook. You know him, you love him, you’ve laughed with him and at him, and you know there is nobody else you could possibly trust with travel advice, because he literally has seen it all.
We all know why I’m here: our host is out and about, so he has sent out the “Bloggers, Assemble!” call for guest posts.
And here is my response.
THE HOOK’S GOLDEN RULES OF TRAVEL.
#1) EMBRACE THE PURE JOY THAT CAN ONLY COME FROM LETTING GO…
Of whatever it is that’s weighing you down at home. Such as:
- Crazy in-laws that make the couple from Everybody Loves Raymond look sane.
- Kids that sometimes act as though they’ve pledged their little souls to Beelzebub.
- A boss that is Beelzebub.
- An ever-growing pile of bills that threatens to overtake the national deficit.
- A schedule that prevents you from actually enjoying life; never mind finding time for a little “quality time” with your spouse, you can barely squeeze out some quality time with yourself! Pun intended.
So after you’ve melted your credit card booking the trip, you have an even bigger hurdle to conquer. And don’t kid yourself, certain problems won’t disappear during your trip: they’ll intensify!
If your kids are out-of-control (and whose aren’t at times?), you’re going to have to lay down the law long before you let them accompany you. Most of us remember being in the back of the car and cowering in fear of our folks; you knew you were going to have trouble sitting back down for days if you pushed Dad too far. Nowadays, kids don’t have the fear of God instilled in them prior to embarking on the road.
Fear is a great motivator, folks.
Somewhere along the way we forgot just why our parents were such taskmasters in the first place.
Besides the kids, there may be trouble with the person sitting beside you that can drive you batty. If you bicker at home, you may kill each other when you’re away together! Seriously, I’ve seen couples hauled away in handcuffs – and not the type of cuffs they had planned on using during their trip….
So do whatever you have to do, but get your house in order before you leave your house. I know it won’t be easy, but let the family know the stakes are high. Let them know you’ll be impossible to live with if things go awry. Let them know you’ll murder them if they decide to get in the way of your fun.
Violence is also a great motivator.
Moving on, remember to leave the office when you leave the office. A few years ago, it would have been unusual to see a laptop on a bell cart. Now it’s strange to see someone who doesn’t have an electronic tether of some sort attached to them. I see it all the time; Dad sends the family on their way while he stays in the room or lobby to take an “important” phone call or set up a Skype session on a tablet.
Or worse yet, I’ve seen more than one family sell their collective soul to the demi-gods of Silicon Valley and allow them selves to be drawn in by their devices. I recently rode down to the lobby from the top floor with a family of five – every one of whom was glued to their phones.
So much for creating precious family memories that stand the test of time. Checking in with perfect strangers on Facebook is much more important anyway.
Trust me guys, push your family away too often and you’ll wind up living in a bachelor apartment watching a crappy TV while a package of hot dogs thaws in the sink. If you absolutely have to call the office, do it first thing in the morning and then turn the Smartphone off. You may not like letting go of the Rat Race, but it sure beats the alternative.
To sum up, before you leave the house you need to pack your luggage, but leave your baggage at home.
Baggage? Luggage? Wait… The bellman is making a joke about what? Did anyone else catch that?
And now that you’ve been hooked, go and check out his site for more travel advice, hotel madness, comic book call outs and pretty much anything else you could possibly be looking for: