Rara has provided a prompt (details at the end) I can’t ignore now that I’ve finally found a few minutes to do some writing…
… In Junior High I was a loner, an outcast, a nerd – before it was cool to be a nerd – in a school full of jocks. Most of my friends from elementary school had gone to a different Junior High and the one friend that had transferred with me and I had a falling out very shortly into our inaugural year. I had a few other people I knew and would hang out with from time to time but no one who was a “close” friend: no one to share secrets with, no one to bare my soul too, no one to depend on and to be dependent on me.
It was a very trying time. I was bullied. I wasn’t happy in any of my classes. I didn’t feel like I fit in and I was seriously considering taking my mom up on her offer to home school me. There were tears more days than not. Tears of frustration. Tears of shame. Tears of humiliation. I was miserable.
Then, out of the blue, I was moved out of one of the classes I wasn’t happy in to a different one. New teacher, new classmates, new period… and in this new class, I met Joe. Or, did he meet me? Or, did the teacher somehow pair us together? I don’t remember anymore. But, Joe was exactly what I had been missing in Junior High.
We went on adventures together. We got into trouble together. We partnered on projects. We laughed, we played video games, we played basketball in my front yard, we went rollerblading all over town, we shared secrets, we bared our souls, and I knew he had my back, just as he knew I had his. We were BFF’s before that was a thing.
He helped me survive Junior High. And, we were inseparable for several years after that. At some point in High School he ended up transferring to a different school, and while we remained friends, we started to go our separate ways. Eventually, I left town to go to college and we lost touch for awhile.
I ran into him again the summer after Freshman year of college, and we caught up, promised to stay in touch, and then never did…
A few years later I got a call on a random afternoon from my mom. She was reading the local newspaper and had come across a name in the obituaries… She wasn’t sure if it was my Joe or not and tried to break it gently in case it was, while hoping all along that it wasn’t. It was. He had died in a car accident, leaving behind a wife and children I didn’t even know he had.
The news hurt. A very physical pain. A lot of the pain was for the world losing out because he wasn’t around anymore. A lot of the pain was for the family he had left behind. Most of the pain was because I hadn’t kept in touch with him, and I had missed out on stories, and adventures, and everything else… and I would never have a chance to correct that mistake.
Time moves on and the pain dulls, but I’m still fighting tears, unsuccessfully, as I type out this total suadade. I miss my friend, Joe. I miss having the option of calling him up and saying, “Hey, remember that time we so on and so forth…” But, I do remember those times, I treasure them, and they still make me smile, even as the tears run unchecked down my cheek.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Saudade is a Portuguese word that describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for an absent something/someone that one loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing will never return.
Saudade was once described as “the love that remains” after someone is gone. Saudade is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again. It can be described as an emptiness, like someone (e.g., one’s children, parents, sibling, grandparents, friends, pets) or something (e.g., places, things one used to do in childhood, or other activities performed in the past) that should be there in a particular moment is missing, and the individual feels this absence. It brings sad and happy feelings all together, sadness for missing and happiness for having experienced the feeling.
Above text and lots more information at : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saudade