a friend lost

Rara has provided a prompt (details at the end) I can’t ignore now that I’ve finally found a few minutes to do some writing…

… In Junior High I was a loner, an outcast, a nerd – before it was cool to be a nerd – in a school full of jocks.  Most of my friends from elementary school had gone to a different Junior High and the one friend that had transferred with me and I had a falling out very shortly into our inaugural year.  I had a few other people I knew and would hang out with from time to time but no one who was a “close” friend: no one to share secrets with, no one to bare my soul too, no one to depend on and to be dependent on me.

It was a very trying time.  I was bullied.  I wasn’t happy in any of my classes.  I didn’t feel like I fit in and I was seriously considering taking my mom up on her offer to home school me.  There were tears more days than not.  Tears of frustration.  Tears of shame.  Tears of humiliation.  I was miserable.

Then, out of the blue, I was moved out of one of the classes I wasn’t happy in to a different one.  New teacher, new classmates, new period… and in this new class, I met Joe.  Or, did he meet me?  Or, did the teacher somehow pair us together?  I don’t remember anymore.  But, Joe was exactly what I had been missing in Junior High.

We went on adventures together.  We got into trouble together.  We partnered on projects.  We laughed, we played video games, we played basketball in my front yard, we went rollerblading all over town, we shared secrets, we bared our souls, and I knew he had my back, just as he knew I had his.  We were BFF’s before that was a thing.

He helped me survive Junior High.  And, we were inseparable for several years after that.  At some point in High School he ended up transferring to a different school, and while we remained friends, we started to go our separate ways.  Eventually, I left town to go to college and we lost touch for awhile.

I ran into him again the summer after Freshman year of college, and we caught up, promised to stay in touch, and then never did…

A few years later I got a call on a random afternoon from my mom.  She was reading the local newspaper and had come across a name in the obituaries…  She wasn’t sure if it was my Joe or not and tried to break it gently in case it was, while hoping all along that it wasn’t.  It was.  He had died in a car accident, leaving behind a wife and children I didn’t even know he had.

The news hurt.  A very physical pain.  A lot of the pain was for the world losing out because he wasn’t around anymore.  A lot of the pain was for the family he had left behind.  Most of the pain was because I hadn’t kept in touch with him, and I had missed out on stories, and adventures, and everything else… and I would never have a chance to correct that mistake.

Time moves on and the pain dulls, but I’m still fighting tears, unsuccessfully, as I type out this total suadade.  I miss my friend, Joe.  I miss having the option of calling him up and saying, “Hey, remember that time we so on and so forth…”  But, I do remember those times, I treasure them, and they still make me smile, even as the tears run unchecked down my cheek.


rarasaur, forthepromptless

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Saudade is a Portuguese word that describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for an absent something/someone that one loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing will never return.

Saudade was once described as “the love that remains” after someone is gone. Saudade is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again. It can be described as an emptiness, like someone (e.g., one’s children, parents, sibling, grandparents, friends, pets) or something (e.g., places, things one used to do in childhood, or other activities performed in the past) that should be there in a particular moment is missing, and the individual feels this absence. It brings sad and happy feelings all together, sadness for missing and happiness for having experienced the feeling.

Above text and lots more information at : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saudade

39 thoughts on “a friend lost

  1. Ahh, I got goosebumps from this. I’m really sorry for the loss of your friend. It sounds like he was a wonderful person, and you really wrote this post beautifully. It really reminds us to keep in touch with others because you have no idea when you might lose them. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Oh! Man that smarts! I’m sorry you lost your friend. Now that you have a new member added to your kingdom you will need to tell him all those stories. I’m sure you would have called him to tell about the new member as well if he were alive. You can also share those memories here or write them down for his wife and kids and put it in a book for them… It would help those kids know their dad a bit that they never will get the chance to know now… Just a thought! 🙂

    • That is a great idea!! I will have to try and write some of those stories down… Some of them I may be a bit selfish and keep for myself, but once I get writing, perhaps they will all come out anyway. Thank you for a wonderful idea!

  3. I went through a very similar experience. I had a friend – a brother – I had known for nearly 40 years. I was a Radio DJ so I was regularly moving around the country “up and down the dial”. No matter, Tommy (The Friend – Brother) always kept up with me. Phone calls and the occasional trip back home to cut up with him were the norm for the better part of 15 years.
    One day a few years ago, I was looking at the Facebook page for my High School back in Texas. There was a list of the Vikings (our mascot) that had met with untimely deaths. It felt like someone hit me in the chest with a 16 pound sledge hammer when I came across the name “Tommy Thompson”. I had no idea that Tommy was even sick, much less dead, as I hadn’t talked to him in a few years. I was devastated. Still am. I loved that man. He was my brother.
    I think I have the same thing in my eyes that DJ has in his. They just won’t stop “watering”.
    God bless you, Young Brother.

    • And you as well. I know what that sledge hammer feels like… I’m sure most of us do. Nothing wrong at all with our eyes watering from time to time. Thank you for sharing!

  4. Sorry to hear about your loss 😦 and thanks a lot for sharing this with us…who knows, you guys may meet in another lifetime and be friends forever then 🙂

  5. I’m sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. I had a friend that had the same situation back in 2010. Its actually on my mind now as its nearing the day that he just passed away one night in his sleep. These things happen and we reflect on how important it is to keep in touch with people from the past to keep them in the present. Now I try to take the step forward to stay in touch and reconnect with friends (and family) that were once close to my heart.

    • It’s one of the arguments I have for joining Facebook – to reconnect with all the people I’ve lost touched with, since FB is so prevalent and it seems you can find almost everyone on there. I haven’t quite convinced myself to do it though. Maybe one of these days… I wonder who I would find.

      • Facebook is slightly..i don’t how you call it..superficial? I don’t interact with people much there. The deal is that you connect with them but because you can see most of everything on their walls, then you don’t actually have to reach out to others. but it does help reconnect primarily then the effort afterwards depends on each person…

      • Thanks for the input… and if the people aren’t willing to work on the connection, or don’t make it a priority, then you drift apart just like you did before you reconnected on Facebook. Hence, why I haven’t yet followed that path – for some of the people I’ve lost touch with, there was a reason that happened…

    • While I did enjoy solitude in my youth… I’d say that was never really my personality – I just didn’t connect with very many people. I didn’t see us as having much in common, and, in truth, I thought I was better than pretty much everyone else I went to school with – in high school that even included most of the the faculty. Yes, I am living well, and that is a win in some regards… but I still have major regrets over some of my previous behavior. I think that’s just part of life, part of growing up though.

  6. Very heart-felt. It makes me want to contact my best friend and tennis partner in high school. I think I’ll track him down this weekend and give him a call.

    • I too believe that everything happens for a reason… but, sometimes I wish I could understand the reason people are taken from their loved ones so early on in their lives. I know it isn’t our place to know the how and why of everything… and I’m not sure knowing would make things any easier… but, still, I wish I did know.

  7. I’m so sorry for your loss. Time doesn’t matter with true friends because they have this precious little space in our hearts that neither absence nor distance can affect. If you have any kind of memorabilia from the past – a picture or anything else – now is the right time to pull it out. It may actually help you find some closure. After all, that spot in your heart is still the same and that is obvious from your writing.

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