My dearest little prince,
Tonight (or tomorrow morning depending on how you want to look at it) at 2:14AM you will have been among us, graced us with your presence, your noises, your faces, your silliness and grumpiness for two weeks. I can’t believe how quickly that time has gone…
It makes me worry. We all know that our sense of time passing speeds up with each passing day. Each year goes quicker than the year before it. Every time we turn around we seem to be passing another milestone that once seemed so far off in the distance we didn’t need to spare it a second thought yet… until, there it is on top of us, passing us, behind us and we are hurtling towards the next. If these past two weeks have gone as quickly as they have, how fast will the next two go? The next two months? The next two years? The next two decades?
Far too quickly, all of them.
Knowing this fact though, I find myself lost in the moments I spend with you, loathe to give them up, loathe to leave your side lest you make another of your silly faces, lest I miss one of your grunts or squeals. I want to soak in every second I have, take it all in, hold it, relish it, and in so doing prolong the present. It’s my way of fighting the passage of time. A losing battle, I know, but a fight worth having regardless.
I commented yesterday that you hadn’t yet been the muse I knew you would one day be because a post about you would consist solely of “He eats, he sleeps, he poops, he repeats…” But, pervasive through all of that is the joy of having you in our lives. The wonderment that is you. The way time is whizzing by is a testament to that fact.
Even at 4AM when I’m bouncing you, rocking you, swaying you, and singing softly in your ear to soothe you or entertain you as you squall trying to stave off sleep or as you take in the world around in you wide-eyed amazement, even as I’m longing for the bed and the sleep it holds, I still find myself filled to overflowing with joy. Joy for you. Joy for having you as part of our lives. Joy for the future you hold.
I want you to know, my son, that even when I turn around two times and you are off on your own with a family of your own and I’m wondering what happened, I will still have those moment of joy to look back on. Time cannot take those from me.
With all my love,