Q and A Parody Madness, on the rocks

I’m being overrun by madness herehereherehere, …

Over the years I’ve incorporated an abundance of film dialogue into my day to day lingo.  The following is a useful guide parody I’ve put together of situations you may find yourself in and the some (in)appropriate and/or completely silly responses.

You probably shouldn’t ever use most of these.*  However, I’ve used many of them and the rest I’m just waiting for the perfect opportunity.

Q: What do you say when someone says they hurt themselves?
A: “Let me take your mind off the pain.”  (At this point I really, really, really don’t recommend breaking their finger.  Don’t do it.)
– Maj. Benson Payne (Damon Wayans) – Major Payne

Q: What do you say when someone asks a really good question?
A: “That, is the right question.”
– Dr. Alfred Lanning (James Cromwell) – I, Robot

Q: What do you say when someone asks how you got so good at what you do?
A: “I was trained by the best. British intelligence. But in retrospect I would rather have been a poet. Or a farmer.”
– John Mason (Sean Connery) – The Rock

Q: What do you say when you see mob mentality starting to overrun humanity?
A: “That’s a lot of cows.”
– Hatcher (Christopher Walken) – The Rundown

Q: What do you say when someone says they are too scared to do something?
A: “That’s why no-one will remember your name.”  (You could also just yell “Hector” a whole bunch of times.  That would work too.)
– Achilles (Brad Pitt) – Troy

Q: What do you say if someone asks if you want to go out dancing?
A: “Computer, define dancing’.”
– Captain (Jeff Garlin) – Wall-E

Q: What do you say when someone is talking to you and getting on your very last nerve?
A: “I don’t know what it is about you, but the more you talk, the more you give me the willies.”
– Frank James (Sam Shepard) – The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

Q: What do you say when someone asks how much longer you are going to carry on with an activity, if you have a limit?
A: “I guess I just haven’t reached mine yet.”
– The Punisher (Dolph Lundgren) – The Punisher

Q: What do you say when you run into someone you haven’t seen in a long time?
A: “Carl? Carl! Merry Christmas! How is it we’re always talking on Christmas, Carl? Every Christmas, I’m talking to you!”
Frank Abagnale, Jr. (Leonardo DiCaprio) – Catch Me if You Can

Q: What do you say when you find yourself lost and going in circles while in the car?
A: “Hey look kids, there’s Big Ben, and there’s Parliament… again.”
– Clark Griswald (Chevy Chase) – National Lampoon’s European Vacation


*The Matticus Kingdom published this list for entertainment purposes only.  We do not dispense with advice we think people should ever heed and cannot be held responsible for any resulting slaps across the face, puzzled looks, loss of friends, tarnished reputation, improved reputation for that matter, closets that were once skeleton free no longer being so, or other unpleasantness that may result from following these guidelines.  Proceed at your own risk, here there be monsters.  Don’t try this at home kids.  Insert additional typical “hold harmless” verbiage here.

25 thoughts on “Q and A Parody Madness, on the rocks

    • Q: What do you say when someone starts a question to you with “Surely?”
      A: You answer the question and then say, “And don’t call me Shirley.”
      Q: How long can I keep up the movie quotes?
      A: “FOR-EV-ER!” (Sandlot)

  1. I have so many questions for you.
    1. Have you ever used the Frank James line on anybody?
    2. Do you only associate yourself with people who get this kind of humor? 🙂 Or do you just make do when the less knowledgeable ones stare back at you blankly?

    Loved this post! This is an awesome regular feature!

    • I have thought the Frank James line while talking to someone, but haven’t ever actually said it – I’m just a jester. Now, if I was a knight or something that was armed properly to defend myself (add some iron to those words) then I definitely would have said it out loud on several occasions.
      I associate with everyone! As jester it’s my job to try and entertain. If I say something that doesn’t get laughs then I either need to explain it or move along quickly to something else.
      Glad you are enjoying these! 😀

    • Hmm, tempting… Very tempting. And, you do make it sound a whole lot more interesting than my current work. I’ve been wanting to get out of CA for awhile now… Are you saying you could get me a job? 😉

  2. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Sorry, can’t talk, laughing! But seriously, that let me take your mind off the pain one really works. When the kids at school “hurt” themselves, I take one look and say “I think it’s going to have to come off!” Then I do a sawing motion on the offending leg, arm, finger, whatever! They usually laugh, and then like magic… bo-bo forgotten! Ta da!

    • Sometimes, when I pull a completely obsure one out, I get it when they don’t understand… But, sometimes, I too must laugh when they look completely confused because they really should have gotten that one. 😉

  3. The only ones I easily recognized are the ones off Troy and Catch Me If You Can. I’m horrible at remembering movie lines.
    I used “Here’s the deal, Jessica Biel.” on my blog. It’s from How I Met Your Mother. Oh to your influence.

  4. It’s awesome that you can incorporate movie quotes into your everyday dialogue. I’m just terrible at recognizing quotes until you tell me where they’re from. Such knowledge would be useful with people like me; you could pass off the quotes as your own wit. 😉

    • Haha, well, I’m not sure how “witty” all of these quotes are. There is so much dialogue in movies we are probably always quoting one without even knowing it. Every time you say “W’oh” you could be quoting The Matrix. Every time you say “I think you are bluffing” you could be quoting The Princess Bride. Every time you say “I picked a bad day to stop huffing paint” you could be quoting Airplane. What do you mean you’ve never said that before? 😛

  5. Ha! Greatness!! 😀 Love this one the most:
    Q: What do you say when you see mob mentality starting to overrun humanity?
    A: “That’s a lot of cows.”
    – Hatcher (Christopher Walken) – The Rundown
    Truly brilliant! Keep um coming. 🙂

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