You, faithful readers, keep saying “more, more, more” and I say, “but I’ve already given you lots: here, here and here. Oh, and here and here too.” Hmm, maybe I should just add a new page for these so I can just link to that.
Nah, that sounds boring.
Here we are again. I’m such a sucker for peer pressure.
“With a twist,” you query? “Yes,” I reply, “This one is going to be just a tiny bit different.”
Over the years I’ve incorporated an abundance of dialogue from commercials into my day to day lingo. The following is a
useful guide parody I’ve put together of situations you may find yourself in and the some (in)appropriate and/or completely silly responses.
You probably should use all of these.* I haven’t. Not what I’ve got down here anyway. However, I will probably start using them immediately.
Q: What do you say when the bartender asks what you want?
A: “I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer” Guinness. (You could say Dos Equis if you want, but why would you want to if they have Guinness? And why would you go someplace that didn’t serve Guinness? You see where I’m going with that?)
Q: What do you say when someone asks for your opinion?
A: “You’ll like the way you look, I guarantee” nothing. (It is kind of an easy guarantee for Men’s Wearhouse to make, I mean, who doesn’t look good in a suit?)
Q: What do you say if someone asks if you can help them with something?
A: “It’s my job to be” sarcastic. (Of course, then you should definitely help them, because we are all super nice like that, right?)
Q: What do you say when someone asks about the people who live near you?
A: “Like a good neighbor, State Farm” minds their own business. (Has anyone gone next door to borrow a cup of sugar in the last decade?)
Q: What do you suggest when someone asks for a recommendation on a good vehicle to dispose of a body?
A: “Guts. Glory.” That’s right, guts. (I mean, it says it right there in the tagline – what else could they possibly mean?)
Q: What do you say when someone asks what they should do to waste a little bit of time?
A: “15 minutes could save you 15% or more,” or nothing at all, but if you’ve got 15 minutes to kill it couldn’t hurt to call those Geico people. (Though, I can think of a few more productive things for you to do – that sink full of dishes is calling your name.)
Q: What do you offer when someone says they aren’t feeling all that great?
A: “Milk, it does a body good,” unless your lactose intolerant. (If they are lactose intolerant you should just tell them to do some jumping jacks or push ups or something like that.)
Q: What do you give the Rolling Stones the next time you hear them singing (I can’t get no) “Satisfaction?”
A: “Snickers satisfies,” whatever your craving. (It seems pretty straightforward right? I guess Mick and the gang didn’t know about Snickers when they wrote the song…)
Q: What should you reply when someone asks what they should have for dinner, especially if they want it to be something “healthy?”
A: “Subway, eat fresh,” except for all the food that’s been sitting out in those trays all day long. I can’t imagine we could still call that “fresh.” (They really did a great job of timing their ads for healthier eating right, didn’t they? Whoever they hired for their marketing is a genius.)
Q: What do you say when someone asks what kind of car they should buy?
A: “The ultimate driving machine,” espcially if they aren’t a very good driver, because why else would they need something that basically drives for them. (Has anyone else noticed that people who drive BMW’s tend to be terrible drivers? There are some exception – Haole – but not many.)
Q: “What do you say when people ask what insurance you recommend?”
Q: Benifer or Tomkat?
Q: Worst superhero movie ever?
A: “Aflac!” (Daredevil)
Q: Better actor: Matt Damon or Ben Affleck?
A: Damon, of course. (You didn’t really think I was going to say Aflac, did you?)