Q and A Parody, with a twist

You, faithful readers, keep saying “more, more, more” and I say, “but I’ve already given you lots: herehere and here.  Oh, and here and here too.”  Hmm, maybe I should just add a new page for these so I can just link to that.

Nah, that sounds boring.

Here we are again.  I’m such a sucker for peer pressure.

“With a twist,” you query?  “Yes,” I reply, “This one is going to be just a tiny bit different.”

Over the years I’ve incorporated an abundance of dialogue from commercials into my day to day lingo.  The following is a useful guide parody I’ve put together of situations you may find yourself in and the some (in)appropriate and/or completely silly responses.

You probably should use all of these.*  I haven’t.  Not what I’ve got down here anyway.  However, I will probably start using them immediately.

Q: What do you say when the bartender asks what you want?
A: “I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer” Guinness.  (You could say Dos Equis if you want, but why would you want to if they have Guinness?  And why would you go someplace that didn’t serve Guinness?  You see where I’m going with that?)

Q: What do you say when someone asks for your opinion?
A: “You’ll like the way you look, I guarantee” nothing.  (It is kind of an easy guarantee for Men’s Wearhouse to make, I mean, who doesn’t look good in a suit?)

Q:  What do you say if someone asks if you can help them with something?
A: “It’s my job to be” sarcastic.  (Of course, then you should definitely help them, because we are all super nice like that, right?)

Q: What do you say when someone asks about the people who live near you?
A: “Like a good neighbor, State Farm” minds their own business.  (Has anyone gone next door to borrow a cup of sugar in the last decade?)

Q: What do you suggest when someone asks for a recommendation on a good vehicle to dispose of a body?
A: “Guts.  Glory.”  That’s right, guts.  (I mean, it says it right there in the tagline – what else could they possibly mean?)

Q: What do you say when someone asks what they should do to waste a little bit of time?
A: “15 minutes could save you 15% or more,” or nothing at all, but if you’ve got 15 minutes to kill it couldn’t hurt to call those Geico people.  (Though, I can think of a few more productive things for you to do – that sink full of dishes is calling your name.)

Q: What do you offer when someone says they aren’t feeling all that great?
A: “Milk, it does a body good,” unless your lactose intolerant.  (If they are lactose intolerant you should just tell them to do some jumping jacks or push ups or something like that.)

Q: What do you give the Rolling Stones the next time you hear them singing (I can’t get no) “Satisfaction?”
A: “Snickers satisfies,” whatever your craving.  (It seems pretty straightforward right?  I guess Mick and the gang didn’t know about Snickers when they wrote the song…)

Q: What should you reply when someone asks what they should have for dinner, especially if they want it to be something “healthy?”
A: “Subway, eat fresh,” except for all the food that’s been sitting out in those trays all day long.  I can’t imagine we could still call that “fresh.”  (They really did a great job of timing their ads for healthier eating right, didn’t they?  Whoever they hired for their marketing is a genius.)

Q: What do you say when someone asks what kind of car they should buy?
A: “The ultimate driving machine,” espcially if they aren’t a very good driver, because why else would they need something that basically drives for them.  (Has anyone else noticed that people who drive BMW’s tend to be terrible drivers?   There are some exception – Haole – but not many.)

…..

Bonus section:

Q: “What do you say when people ask what insurance you recommend?”
A: “Aflac!”

Q: Benifer or Tomkat?
A: “Aflac!”

Q: Worst superhero movie ever?
A: “Aflac!” (Daredevil)

Q: Better actor: Matt Damon or Ben Affleck?
A: Damon, of course. (You didn’t really think I was going to say Aflac, did you?)

……

*The Matticus Kingdom published this list for entertainment purposes only. We do not dispense with advice we think people should ever heed and cannot be held responsible for any resulting slaps across the face, puzzled looks, loss of friends, tarnished reputation, improved reputation for that matter, closets that were once skeleton free no longer being so, or other unpleasantness that may result from following these guidelines.  If you drive a BMW: I’m sorry.  If you drive a dodge truck, that’s good to know, let me know in case there are any bodies I need to dispose of in the future.

67 thoughts on “Q and A Parody, with a twist

  1. That was the best twist since Chubby Checker! (google it, its funny) These are classics, I especially liked the bonus round, and the last question got me. I laughed out loud, I don’t care if other people know I am not doing anything productive. (well, besides reading your blog.) Thank you for this chuckle fest Matt. You my friend are a genius.

    • A for real and actual Laugh Out Loud? Awesome. Happy to play the provider role in that. Not sure I’d consider any of this “genius,” but considering the other company you keep, including Kim the SuperHero, since you pal around with me too… maybe, just maybe you’re on to something there. 😛

  2. Ben Affleck is off the joke lists for me. He gained mad respect after Argo. He still sounds awful when he talks. Ahihihi. Love the State Farm reference. 😀

    • Okay, so I haven’t seen Argo yet… perhaps I’ll post an apology after I’ve seen. But, does one good performance really make up for everything that came before it?

  3. Maybe not a cup of sugar, but the retired folks in the apartment next door sometimes gives me cake or yummy homecooked filipino food when they make too much 🙂 it contrasts heavily with my other neighbor who has flooded our apt with 6″ of water through the wall and causes the police to knock on our door with questions about them -_-

    • That is quite the contrast in neighbors! To be fair, my uncle lives in a neighborhood where they all know each other and look out for each other – sharing food, helping with chores, etc… So, those types of communities do still exist.

    • I think if I had one of those fancy contraptions that let me fast forward through commercials I would definitely do that too. Unfortunately, I am fancy contraptionless.

      • I have my sister’s old Tivo…by old I mean Old, and I have it cuz it was free and costs me diddly a month to use. Otherwise I too would be fancy contraptionless.

      • My brother has offered me one of his old TiVos… and I’ve been tempted to try it out, but he has so many problems with the TiVo box not communicating properly with his cable box and always have to reset one or the other it just didn’t seem worth it. Plus, then I’d miss out on all that great blogging inspiration.

      • Interesting… having the rewind feature would allow me to further capture the commercials that call to me the most so that I can convey that extra detail to my faithful readers….

        Nah, not worth it. 😛

  4. This commercial goes way back (and I can’t even remember the product – maybe Alka Seltzer).

    Q: What do you say after you’ve just cleaned your plate?
    A: “I can’t believe I ate the WHOLE thing!”

    • Hooray! Glad you enjoyed! I actually struggled a bit to come up with a good list of commercials to use (to make fun of); and of course, since hitting publish, I’ve found a few more I could have thrown on. Fodder for next time. 😉

  5. Yay! Another great Q and A Parody. I got some of them, the Guiness, Snickers and Affleck ones, the rest went over my head (which isn’t hard as I’m short) because i don’t know the comercials. But great anyway.
    Can’t wait for the next installment. 🙂

    • I wondered, since commercials are often geared for specific demographics and locales, how many of them people would know. I had tried to put in enough hints that someone could find the ones I was refering to on YouTube if they were interested. Maybe if I do commercials again I’ll include embeds to the related videos… that would be smart of me.

      • I’ve already had someone else ask me to do that, I don’t think I’m worthy enough yet, I’m still a pup compared to other seasoned bloggers. Plus I’d have no idea what to write about. But thanks for offering. 🙂

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