rip that bandaid off

There have been several key moments in my life when I realized a change was needed.  Once that determination had been made, rather than make the change incrementally so it would hurt less, like slowly removing a bandaid, I made the decision and put it into action all at once.    The pain may have been more intense initially, like ripping off a bandaid, but it helped the healing begin quicker.

You want an example to give my claim merit? 

You aren’t just going to take my word for it?

Hmm…  I’m not ready to share most of those stories.  Eventually I hope to talk about all of them on here, but that day is not today.  (Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.)

…  I met someone on the first day of college.  She was unlike anyone I had met before and I was captivated by her.  I courted her (yes, I just used “courted” – get over it) for all of freshman year and she eventually agreed to date me the summer before sophomore year.  We dated exclusively for the following three years until our Senior year I proposed to her, and she said yes.  We didn’t set a date and weren’t in any sort of rush to do so because we knew we were still young and had plenty of time to plan things out depending on where life took us after graduation. 

After walking across the stage and receiving our diplomas we both found work locally and entered the real world.  Our dynamic changed…  and it changed very quickly.  Who we were in college, as students, was not who we were growing into as contributing members of society, as adults.  I could see us heading in opposite directions.  I could sense both of our needs to pull away and so, before Thanksgiving, less than five months after graduating I called an end to our engagement and an end to our relationship.  The decision was made and acted upon within 24 hours.

It hurt, but it was the right thing to do.  If we had dragged it out it would have only ended up hurting us, and those around us, more in the long run. 

I spiraled for awhile, trying to find some happiness (and occasionally looking for it in the wrong places) and eventually I forced myself to stop, tune out everything else and determine what I wanted out of life – the two or so key things that I needed to be happy.  Once I shut everything else out the answer came to me quite easily… but that is also a story for a different day.

I met the silly, crazy, wonderful woman who would eventually be my wife some 2 years later.   The friend of the sister of a roommate – she walked through my front door late one Friday evening to hang out with the sister who was in town visiting her brother… and I thought to myself, “Who is this?!”  After hanging out with her all weekend I was talking to a family member about it and I said, “There is something about her…”

We’ve been married almost 4 years now.  I can’t imagine my life without her.

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22 thoughts on “rip that bandaid off

  1. I think what you bring up here, to me at least, is curiosity and fear. Very much associatedwith the band aid analogy as well. I hope my regular followers don’t get to rid this, but my relationship is dwindling. The thing is, unlike your story, we’ve known each other since high school and we chose to stick together despite our circumstances. Relationship, it’s a funny thing really, beause you can’t avoid just being emotional. It is very well connected with the physical world.

    • You make an excellent point – our emotions have very real physical consequences (and vice versa). Perhaps, from my experience the emotional toil would have been “less” if the change had been incremental… Though, less dragged out over a longer period could have ended up being essentially more in the long run. As with most things in life, there is probably no right way and no wrong way – we all must just muddle through and do the best we can.

  2. … what a wonderful story about you and your wife 🙂

    OK, you’re right ..the example of tearing off the band aid is perfect. Tearing it off slowly hurts much more..and above all – much longer. Some changes are better made quickly.

    • After reading everyone else’s responses I think I came to the conclusion that it completely depends on what kind of change is in question… some things are good gradually and some things are good all at once – and sometimes we do them correctly, and sometimes we get it wrong. Thanks for commenting!

  3. That’s awesome. I found my wife via Myspace. Remember that place? It still exists somewhere on another realm. That’s what I heard. Yeah, my wife found me, thanks to a giant rooster which was aptly titled “My huge cock.” She mentioned she liked my huge cock and we hit it off. Been together for 7 years and married for 3. True story.

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