Over the years I’ve incorporated an abundance of TV dialogue into my day to day lingo. The following is a
useful guide parody I’ve put together of situations you may find yourself in and the some (in)appropriate and/or completely silly responses.
You probably shouldn’t ever use most of these.* However, I’ve used many of them and the rest I’m just waiting on the perfect opportunity.
Q: What do you say when you are doing anything (listening to a song, a lecture, a conversation, a dog barking, etc…; or reading a movie script, a novel, a magazine, the warning label on your medicine bottle, etc…; or watching a movie, a television show, a play, a boxing match, etc…) and your first instinct is that it needs more of something?
A: “I got a fever! And the only prescription… is more cowbell.”
– Bruce Dickinson (Christopher Walken) – Saturday Night Live
Q: What do you say when you are about to head out on a grand adventure?
A: “It’s going to be legen… wait for it… dary!”
– Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) – How I Met Your Mother
Q: What do you say when you bump your head, when your bank accounts are empty, when you lose your job, when you stub your toe, when …. when you forget what else you were going to say?
– Homer (Dan Castellaneta) – The Simpsons
Q: What do you say when someone quesitons your sanity?
A: “I’m not insane, my mother had me tested!”
– Sheldon (Jim Parsosn) – The Big Bang Theory
Q: What do you say to someone you are at your absolute wits end with? Someone who has wronged you, who has tried to bypass the system, who has only ever been up to no good and finds themself up against the wall?
A: “So far, I’ve seen you lie, cheat, steal, and try murder. You tried everything but begging. Now get down on your knees…”
– Paladin (Richard Boone) – Have Gun – Will Travel
Q: What do you say when you see an attractive person and want to say hello to them?
A: “How you doin’?”
– Joey (Matt LeBlanc) – Friends
Q: What do you say after someone just went on a long, rambling, expletive filled, yet still completely pointless diatribe with far too many adjectives and other descriptive words while simultaneously trying to get a point across and completely terrorize you in the process?
A: “So you do scary little speaches. How adorable!”
– Jill Tracy (Nicole Sullivan) – Scrubs
Q: What do you say when you catch your refelction in a mirror?
A: “I really am ruggedly handsome, aren’t I?”
– Richard Castle (Nathan Fillion) – Castle
Q: What do you say if someone asks if you really care about their problems?
A: “Sure. You make my face look like this and concerned words come out.”
– Rube (Mandy Patinkin) – Dead Like Me
Please, please stop the madness before it spreads further!
This, along with the previous installments, are by no means complete lists, but they should be enough to get you through most of life’s experiences. Well, I’ve found them useful anyway.